Freckles - the HWH and Medical Care

In coming from a medical facility - I really didn't have "high hopes" of prompt or proper medical care while at my half way house. However, there are certain things that we are entitled to since we are still in BOP custody. But once again, the way the half way house administrators handle this stays true to the philosophy of the BOP meaning "backwards on purpose".

Before I left Carswell they administered a TB test so I had my negative results and they renewed all my prescriptions so I had 6 months of refills. The first mistake I made was thinking that the BOP and the HH "talk". There is no direct line of communication and nothing transfers from the BOP to the HH. In BOP's eyes, when you are leaving they believe they are setting things up to make it easier on you, when in reality the HH has no clue. So upon getting there off I go to the clinic to get a TB test (even though I had documentation stating "negative" results from less than a week earlier) and a "basic" physical. When I say basic, it's truly that, all clothes on and just a quick 5 minutes with a doctor, an eye test and height and weight. Well ok, now how do I get my prescriptions filled? Each HH has a budget for medical and dental, since they are to provide you care while you are in their custody. My HH instead uses the FREE Salvation Army clinic. So off I went to a free clinic which in my eyes I really had no business being at. There are other people that need these appointment slots, shouldn't the HH contract with a doctor's office and pay with their funding vs trying to pawn us off on the free clinics? The doctor I met with was very nice, and after getting my prescriptions filled she asked me why I was using their clinic when I had health insurance (apparently they can see that in the computer). I explained to her that the HH told me I had to use their doctor - not true, after one time to their clinic off to my primary care physician I went.

Now on to the dentist - after 2 months of being there I had a filling fall out. It was substantial in size so half of my tooth was literally gone and all was exposed. Once again, they set up an appointment with me at a free/sliding scale clinic down in the bario. Off I went. The dentist was very nice and they did X-rays and worked up a detailed treatment plan on what work needed to be done - including a cleaning since I did not have one now in over a year of being in BOP custody. Odd thing, upon leaving, the receptionist noted that she would be sending over everything to my HH but also "warned" me that NOTHING ever gets approved from them so plan on not getting the work I needed done and to probably be prepared to make other arrangements. Interesting. So me being me, I went on the BOP website and pulled all their "guidelines" on providing dental care, I was going to be armed and informed knowing that I 'would be declined'. And within a few days what do you know - my work was declined. I contacted our regional office and filed some "grievance" paperwork on this matter. Well, apparently our HH was not submitting paperwork correctly and region was upset so region was now coming to our HH to train the caseworkers. Whew, I finally thought I was making headway. Fast forward 3 months later, still no resolution. My casework resubmitted my paperwork for approval. The clinic they have us use does not have the capabilities to send "electronic" x-rays which the BOP requires. Now why would the HH use a dentist that can't even provide the BOP what they need to approve the work - you got it, if it doesn't get approved, the monies don't get spent and they can use them elsewhere. After further run around, I spoke to the clinic and they were not sending anything to my HH due to the fact that they had not yet paid for my initial exam which was over 3 months ago. So now my caseworker informs me they are trying to find a "free" clinic for us to use - my response, was to just shake my head and ask "why"? Knowing I tried, I made an appointment with my dentist. My filling is now fixed and I'm going to get my cleaning today.

There are certain things that as "prisoners" still in BOP custody we are entitled to. But beware, the HH does not make it easy. However, on a good note - the BOP has just informed our HH that while in custody and at the HH the inmates are eligible for "ObamaCare" and the low income medicaid if offered in your state. Because when I arrived they had you sign documentation stating that it was "fraud" to obtain these benefits due to what they called "double dipping". Odd that the state and the feds can not even agree on something as simple as subsidized medical. My advice, as soon as you land at the HH (or prior if you have someone you trust to start the process), get your health insurance in place and avoid the madness and hoop jumping I went through.

At the end of the day I was not fighting for just me - I knew that I would get my teeth taken care of one way or another - but I was trying to hopefully make enough waves that these horrific situations wouldn't happen to future HH resident. Again, a fail - for now. I am documenting all of this and hopefully will get some resolve when I send to our region (after my release of course). In our HH, it is not worth causing any type of friction, they can easily make your re-entry more challenging, which unfortunately they choose to do to individuals on a daily basis. 

-Freckles

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As you all know from my experience, I was able to get on Medicaid/Obamacare as soon as I got home on home confinement from the HWH. My HWH would not allow me to fill out the online application while there. Freckles' experience in another state is very interesting and she happened to have her own private insurance. While in BOP custody, the BOP is responsible for your medical coverage, however they can refuse to cover your treatments, as Freckles experienced- as we also experienced even when locked up.

A Chance to Say "Thank You"

I've been asked to speak at a regional gambler's anonymous conference as a closing speaker. Being the closing speaker is great... less people stick around for the final day, so there is way less pressure. It's also in the region I originally started my GA recovery in - these folks are my family, my people. When I was incarcerated, I received cards and letters nearly every single day from people in those rooms wishing me well and giving me words of strength. Sometimes, entire GA meetings would sign cards and send them in to me to tell me that they were thinking of me. Although I no longer lived within their region having moved to another for school, they still loved and cared about me, especially as I was serving my time at Carswell. This is what the GA program and our recovery programs are all about.

I look forward to my opportunity to share words of hope, wisdom and strength with people in the room. As the closing speaker, I will try to bring the weekend to a close with words of inspiration and thoughts that may help those that are still struggling with gambling. This is my opportunity to do more, though, as I get to practice my program as well. This is my opportunity to thank everyone, whether they are present or not, for all their prayers, letters, cards, and books that made my time away feel as if they were with me all along. I never spent even one hour of my time at Carswell feeling lonely or unloved. My program helped me believe strongly in my higher power, but I also knew that I had all these people back home who cared deeply about me and my wellbeing, even if they'd never even met me. I received cards from perfect strangers who had only heard my story. That's the power of this program. I've only recently been asked to speak and I will not be doing so for a couple months, so the speech is not yet written, but a good part of it will be about the fellowship of GA, the power of that fellowship, and my gratitude toward each and every person in it.

How amazing it is that I am given this grand opportunity to say such a formal thanks. I have to admit that I am nervous. I love public speaking, but I do get nervous. Sounds weird but it's true. I can teach to a classroom of 200+ students with no problem, but I am not talking about myself, my story. I suppose that half the people or more will have already heard much of my story at the closing - more than 100 people attended my 5 year GA pinning prior to my incarceration. The real story starts there, though, doesn't it?!?!

Perhaps one day I will be somewhere and my thanks will be able to go to each one of you, who choose to read this blog. Maybe I'll be speaking somewhere and you will be in the audience. Wouldn't that be something? We never know what the future may hold - one day at a time is all we do know. I hope you all know how much I appreciate you for being a part of my life. If no one read this blog, I would likely still write in it, but it's so much better knowing that people get something out of reading it. So, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Timehopping and Forgiving My Former Program

I was looking at an application on my phone that has me look back at this day in time and "repost" things to facebook if I think they are funny or interesting, etc. It's called "timehop" and is a fun phone application to see how far I've come. At most, it looks back about 5/6 years, as that is how long I've been a facebook use. Crazy to think how much our lives become used to using something - kinda like I can't believe I've only been writing in this blog for 1 1/2 years...

Anyway, I was reading this day in history and four years ago, I visited my University for the first time. I was visiting my old program. They had a weekend planned for new admits to 'sell' us on the program and the University - and I was sold immediately. It was the "community" I noticed first. I was paired up with a 'buddy' who answered all my questions. The community went out at night for dinner and shmoozing. The faculty were really approachable. Of course, the opportunities offered were one of a kind as well. I kept comparing every other place to here. I knew where I wanted to be.

My next time hope post, a year later, I posted, "It was this weekend last year that [my University] and [my program] just blew me away... Let's do that for the visiting admits this year!..." and that night, as the person now volunteering to do all the evening get-togethers, I posted a reminder for the current students to come out and meet the new folks for a schmooze fest at a local restaurant/bar. It was one year later, I was part of that community that I hailed so much as why I wanted to attend this school.

Most people avoid the conversation with me about my former program and my admission being revoked while I was incarcerated. I mean I am back in - ce la vie. Many of the people I started my journey with are actually graduating this year with their PhD! They will all be gone from our community before this summer. I rarely bump into anyone I know from there, even though we are on the same campus. It's a large University. It's not a conversation I want to avoid, though, and here's why...

I was a part of that community, and to me, I was a valuable part. Everyone who is part of a community is valuable. Where I think my former community failed me is that they never let me have a voice. I was never given an opportunity to speak and tell my story. Decisions were made based on rumors and a lot of one-sided media. I think that is very unfair. As someone who was a part of their community, who volunteered for all their events, who represented them without fail and did an acceptable job at research conferences, who earned acceptable grades in their coursework, and who offered to be honest (but was told by faculty to remain quiet for now), I deserved a chance to be heard. That is where I still felt hurt.

However, I work a program of recovery. In that recovery, I need to practice forgiveness. I also believe that things do happen for a reason. Had I not been kicked out of the program I was in, I would not have found my new program. I never thought I would be passionate about criminal justice, but I am and I am excited to be connecting my education knowledge with criminal justice. Education gave me the tools and preparedness to take on the challenges I have being in a very rigorous program now. I know that over the next 4 1/2 years or so, I will see many more faces of my past program and I look forward to doing so, because I miss many of them. They were mentors and teachers that I admired and continue to do so. I forgive because I have no knowledge of what really occurred behind closed doors. I never will. So, I am practicing forgiveness right now. I am where I need to be. Today, I forgive all the faculty of my old program and also wish well all the students who are moving on to their new lives in the near future. They are truly an amazing community of scholars.

As for the University, I know that they did not follow protocol in dismissing me, but they've done right by me ever since and I'm proud to attend such a great research University. I've said since the day my admission was revoked that I will walk across that graduation stage, and I will. No one around me will know the exact journey that had led to that day - and I'm sure there are other graduates that will have overcome some hefty trials as well. As always, I am not unique or special. I just have a lot of hope and I will persevere!

Where are they now?

I decided to do some research on my friends left in Texas. I knew some of them may have been transferred away, or were hoping to, so, I went on the federal inmate finder to see where everyone may be at the moment. I was pretty pleasantly surprised to find that many of my friends were no longer behind the fences at FMC Carswell!! Here's what I learned:

Cali has been transferred much closer to home and is at the Dublin camp. I'm sure she gets to spend time with her husband and family.

Appeal is still at FMC Carswell.

My bunkie must either be at a HWH or on home confinement in her region. Yay!

Taz is still at FMC Carswell for a bit longer. She has some new pen pals she is enjoying.

A former education coworker a good person was finally transferred to the Phoenix camp, where she can be close to her husband who is undergoing chemo. I'm so glad she can see him during her visitation hours!

Chi is still at the Carswell camp but she loves it there. She works in rec and it is much better than the prison side of Carswell.

Freckles is out of the HWH (although I think she may still post some stories about it) and is serving time on home confinement in her region.

Lola is at the Carswell prison camp and also works at rec in an administrative type position. She is able to smile and laugh again.

Nurse was transferred to Victorville. With all her situations of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, I'm so glad she finally was transferred to a camp. I imagine she sees her daughters and granddaughter frequently!

Glitter has about three more months at Carswell. I know she may have to serve some state time after that. I pray she doesn't. I don't know why they don't allow sentences to be run at the same time for nonviolent crimes especially.

Star is home with her three kids and doing well. She took her ACT to go back to college. Her baby born in prison is a very healthy boy.

South is healthy and strong. Unfortunately, she's lost some close family members since coming back home. Loss is never easy.

Red is a newlywed and happy. She was recently promoted at her job and is looking to go back to college.

Mama, as you know, is at Lexington and seeing her family every weekend. Her parents finally have custody of her boys.

There are others, of course, but I do not know any updates. It takes a bit of investigating to do this. I wish I gave everyone names so I could report on more. A lot of changes in just over six months. I wonder if that's mostly true due to us being at a medical center or if it would be true at any prison. Anyone you are curious about?