A Letter from the Inside

I received a letter from someone who is still at Carswell this week. It was not someone I was particularly close to, but she took a liking to me immediately when we met. We met through the Jewish activities, although she was far more religiously Jewish than I was - she had spent part of her life living in Israel.

We never lived on the same unit and we did not have the same friends. We were very different ages as well. I was one of very few people who did not know of her crime prior to meeting her and simply talked to her as a person - perhaps that was the difference. 

Had it not been that we both had medical issues we would never have been in the same prison. She was there with a life sentence for being the mastermind behind a famous murder. Her story has been written in books, included on episodes of shows such as "Snapped" and has far greater news headlines than my own. I only knew her as an older lady in a wheelchair - with a pretty brusk attitude - fighting for her rights and her healthcare like the rest of us. She was the unofficial leader of the Jewish community on the compound.

She knows me as "the woman who saved Passover." Last year was a nightmare and everything pretty much fell apart with Passover. Red and I worked together to make sure that we could have a good Seder and everyone was super happy. It really went well. I guess they were talking about it last week and so she wrote me because they are starting to plan this year's Passover - Red and I are no longer there.

I hope we left them all enough of the ideas to make this year's Passover as good if not better. The community may be small, but they deserve to enjoy their holidays just like the other communities do.

How do I feel about the fact that I received a letter from someone who happens to have such a background? It's fine with me. Truth is, we have no idea of the backgrounds of people we talk to or sit next to every single day. I personally do not feel that I have the right to judge someone else. She is already locked up for life. Being kind to her certainly does not justify her past actions but it says that she may be more than just her past. Aren't we all?

Freckles' HWH & Employment

Your HH should be there to help you with your transition. They should be supportive and try to make your job hunting as easy as possible - but from my experience, they truly do the opposite. The first problem is that along with being a job counselor, they are also expected to play police. I understand the accountability issue of knowing where you are, but there are certain things that seem a bit overboard. And one would think they would embrace felon friendly companies, but again, not true.

I'll start off with the "police" function of their job. Things changed dramatically since I first got there - the original employment coordinator was a bit more understanding, however, the new one is 99% police and 1% employment coordinator. Before you could go to a prospective employer to fill out an application by putting in a pass and while you were there you would need to obtain some "proof" that you were there. Easy enough, and not a huge red flag to the employer that you are a felon and living in the half way house. Now the employment coordinator calls the place where you are putting in your application and verifies that you are going there and what time - so basically you need to make an appointment. And then she follows up to make sure you were there when you said you were (even after bringing proof back). I know it's all about full disclosure of you being a felon - but it's also all about the timing of this disclosure. I don't think that the employer being notified before they even meet me helps my chances of getting the job at all and then having someone follow up to make sure that I was there - right there I'd be second guessing their integrity and reliability if someone has to call twice. I believe one should be able to sell themselves, including the positives obtained from their incarceration and be allowed to explain the situation and let the employer decide after meeting you and either wanting to hire you or not. People are close minded - and I would probably say that even I would be a bit "turned off" by a potential employee that was coming in living at a half way house as a felon with the hassles of the phone calls. My employer gets two phone calls a week. One to verify my work schedule for the following week and then another to verify the hours I worked the previous week - never done in the same phone call mind you. It's never easy for my employer to get them this information and not everyone will take a message or forward the information. I would think an email from the boss for your schedule the following week would be sufficient and that your paystub from the previous week would be documentation, nope. They can also do place of employment checks where the pop in and see if you are there. To me this could be done easily enough and they could "fly under the radar". Nope, they make a big scene, are extremely rude and there have been instances where the employer had to call the HH to request certain people do not come back for the checks. Not sure about you and I understand that I put myself in this situation, but it's not anyone's business at my job that I am a felon under half way house "control".

Now one would think once a felon friendly company is found, they would continue to allow residents to apply there. Not the case. This instance involves a large retailer that I worked for over the holidays, so I know they are felon friendly. The HH is claiming that they are "difficult to work with" and did not allow a fellow resident to go and apply at a store in their area. Well, since I was an employee there, I can attest to what they are talking about and it's not the employer being difficult, but the HH. I had my HR manager come up to me one day and ask why the HH was asking questions that were not allowed to ask by the human resource laws that govern our state. They were very rude and out of line stating that "people told them before" and they needed this information. I don't believe it's any of their business on how I'm performing, if I get along with other workers etc - it's their job to make sure I am at work when I say I'm at work and that is it. So once I heard "Frosty" was not allowed to go and apply we asked "why". Our TDAT counselor was able to enlighten us that the employer was brought up in their weekly meeting and they decided that they were no longer going to let residents work their because the employer is "difficult to work with". Of course the story of why was not told and it was left very vague and incomplete. So now it's the "police" violating the HR laws of the state, and when they get an employer who challenges that, they disallow residents to work there. Not fair at all.

There are folders of job leads in the coordinators office that never get put out to residents. Another TDAT resident has been helping her organize and get these out to residents while she awaits the BOP authorizing her to work for a family member. Again, jobs that are felon friendly not being shared with residents. I agree that they may be understaffed - but again, separate the police and the employment coordinator position and you may have your answer. 

I know the BOP is not known for it's finesse and handling of situations - but as we get ready to re-enter society, I think there are things that could be handled a lot differently. So please don't get frustrated when you have some of these things happen to you - yes it's hard enough to obtain employment, but be prepared for other obstacles to pop up in your way and it's how you handle them that will help you in your future endeavors!

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Once again Freckles' adventures help us learn so much about life at the halfway house. It is so true from my experience that everyone you meet that works in the system is "police" first and doing their job second. Such a reality makes administration of their duties so backward and often misguided. Remember that every HWH is different so while we have this experience from Freckles and a completely different type of experience from me, there is no way of knowing how yours may be. If you have ever lived in one, we would love to know whether your HWH also called your employer 2x/ week to check up on you or is this unique to Freckles' HWH?

15 Locations

Since I posted that little survey asking for where you all read this blog from, I've had 20 of you reply - THANK YOU! Many more of you have read that posting, but it is perfectly okay that you have chosen not to participate in the survey. I was just curious to see where folks were reading this from and I thought I would share with you that of the 20 responses, there were 15 different places (states/ countries). The difference would be greater if I include the city location, but I don't want to violate anyone's specific anonymity.

Here is the listing so far:
Alabama
Auckland, New Zealand
Florida
Georgia
Illinois
Indiana
Manchester, UK
Michigan
New Hampshire
Pennsylvania
Sandwich, UK
Texas
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia

That's pretty darn cool! Thank you all for being participants in this blog!! I may not have the largest readership, but knowing that the readership is broad based certainly means a lot! I am really looking forward to making all these writings into something academic over the next several months, but I plan to continue writing - I know my journey is not yet over and as long as I can continue to help those who may be facing the realities of life in prison and after, I plan to continue to write.

I believe Freckles has a new post for me to ensure gets uploaded soon, so be on the lookout for that. If you have not yet participated in the survey, it will continue to be available for you to participate in. Let's continue to grow the list!

A Warmer Climate

I think for the time being I need to write about something a little more positive. I've thought for sometime about moving to a warmer climate after graduation. It will be better for my health and with the winters the way they've been lately, I am pretty sure there's nothing that is going to keep me in the midwest. Chances are, I'll be making my way down to the Southeast, although if T.S. has her way, the entire family will be moving far Southwest - like coastal west - but we will see. There are careers and years that will go in to making these decisions. With the knowledge that my mother is going to be moving away from my childhood hometown within a short period of time to another state and my father lives in another state already, moving out of the midwest once again is not all that hard for me.

I like the idea of new beginnings. Although it wouldn't be entirely new - I'd be bringing people along with me. I'd have my education, my past, my friends, and most of my things. It's not like starting entirely over. However, it is a chance for a freshness of sorts - a new way of life. In a warmer climate, I can plan for outdoor walks nearly every day of the year (when it is not raining). My vitamin D deficiency that I take mega pills for may be no longer. I could potentially grow some of my own vegetables year round. I would have new GA meetings to check out. New beginnings can be fun. Plus a warmer climate means that my friends from the midwest may see my new surroundings as a fun vacation spot!!! Hahaha.

Ah, I dream. I cannot live in a dream world. Right now, I live in a place with many inches of snow and ice on the ground and it is freezing outside! However, one day, I believe I will not live here any longer. I do not know when that is, but it will be one day. Until then, I need to wear four layers of clothing to step outside and just be grateful I have heat in my home and warm boots and gloves. I'm glad I am no longer gambling and can pay my heating and other utility bills on time. But when I close my eyes, I know that I will live somewhere different one day and it brings a smile to my face because soon, the sun will shine on me most days of the year and for that, I am happy.

The Fabulous Meeting

Ah, and then there's hope. My favorite word, once again. Hope, hope, hope, hope, hope. I have it again and I'm smiling. I couldn't wait to get online and write. I spent the entire weekend lost in my head - although watching the Academy Awards was fun at times, my brain never went totally clear - except when Neil Patrick Hauser was in his underwear - what was that??? Now, I'm once again myself. I have HOPE!!! HOPE!!!

I was at work this morning and I received an email from a professor who wanted to meet with me about my thesis. It was a meeting we've been trying to schedule and they happened to have an opening, so I made my way over to their office before my class started this afternoon. They are a professor in CJ, but also have a history as an administrator and we have both worked on a committee on teaching/learning in the past. We'd already set up a summer independent study and I knew that I looked forward to learning from/with them in the future.

We spent a good 20 minutes talking through my thesis around doing an autoethnographic study around the blog entries I wrote between August 19th and May 28th of this here blog. There are some very unique things around doing an autoethnographic study and we talked through some of those issues. It was a good conversation and I was able to answer questions well and they are comfortable with me moving forward with my thesis proposal.

So good to know and remember that there are people that know my hard work and have my back. People who judge me for who I am and require more than circumstantial evidence to pass judgement. People who will go the extra mile. I was told to keep my professor informed of each step as this goes forward and I certainly will. I did not start this day even knowing I would see this professor, but I know that they were put into my day so that I would be able to have hope back into my life. I'm still having this opportunity to think about my life, choices, and opportunities. I just am glad to know that all the fears of what I had are not going to occur. I do not know the future. Right now, though, I still have a lot to be grateful for.

My professor wants to start my independent study early. That will fill up my time after midterms and spring break and give me a little less time on it this summer when I am officially taking 12 credits in order to graduate on time. Plus - I'll have my thesis. Summers usually consist of 3-6 credits due to shorter semesters, so I'll have a lot on my plate. I know I can do it.