I hope the title of this post did not give you a heart attack. Tuesday I visited a large men’s state penitentiary as part of an Inside-Out workshop. Inside-Out is an AMAZING program in which professors teach courses to half college students, half prisoners at the same time. The college students travel to the prison weekly to attend their course. Faculty facilitate a learning process on a topic of interest in a very active and engaging format. The prisoners and students are held to the same standards and receive college credit.
This program absolutely blew me away!! It encompasses so many of my passions: teaching & learning (pedagogy), transformative education, corrections, compassion, and hope! The men at the medium/high security prison displayed incredible leadership, passion, intelligence, humility, and kindness. I’ve known for some time that I want to be certified as an Inside-Out instructor, but now I know that I MUST do it! My next step will be to try and advocate for the funding from my school to help pay for the cost of the training. If at all possible, I hope to do the week long training next summer. Here’s more information on the Inside-Out prison exchange program: http://www.insideoutcenter.org/about-inside-out.html
So, I can’t just write about the program without a true reflection of the first experience I’ve had walking into a prison since my release three years ago. To say that the minute we were driving past the rows of barbed wire and then walking through the prison’s front door flooded me with emotions is an understatement. I suddenly was back to my day of self-surrender where I walked into prison with my personal clothing and brought into a small room and ordered to strip. This of course did not happen Tuesday. It was the first time I entered a prison without having to “squat and spread ‘em.”
Although a different prison than Carswell in nearly every way - men, size, age of facility, traditional prison cells, etc., some things were very much the same. Our group was nearly 60 people and we buses to the prison from our criminal justice conference. We were to arrive around noon and spend 12-4:30ish in the workshop. As you know, though, prison is a lot of “hurry up and wait.” We had to wait in the lobby for over an hour and a half as the institution was running their own schedule and then count took longer than expected. Hearing about count took me right back inside during one of the many counts that didn’t go quickly. I would stand for one count, then another, and another, my feel and legs hurting but no choice but to comply with the COs standing count rules.
We entered the prison lobby where many visitors also stood. Amazingly, this prison allows visitation 6-7 Days per week!!! My group’s privilege immediately apparent as we took up every seat on the lobby benches while visiting prisoner family members were forced to stand and wait.
Once permitted to enter beyond the lobby, we signed in where a C.O. talked with us with respect and another put a visitor wrist band on us. It was still hurry up and wait, as we each had to get our hand stamped and then put it under a black light. The female C.O. joked around with me about our short height resulting in my having to get very close. Did I ever have a C.O. joke around with me and laugh with me when I was a prisoner?
We then each went through the metal detectors. Like at Carswell, many items were forbidden - underwire bras, food/drink, digital watches or fitbits, revealing clothing, bags/purses, etc. While my visiting family and friends had to go through similar processes, I never did prior. Above the metal detector hung a wood sign that said, “Safety is not Convenient.” It took nearly 30 minutes for all of us to move through the entry process.
The workshop was held in a large room that seemed to be a very old auditorium. There were rows of seats facing a stage and a large empty area where chairs were arranged in circles. Inside-Out does nearly all their activities and education in circles.
As we entered this auditorium, approximately 15 prisoners greeted us with introductions and handshakes. They seemed excited about what lay ahead for the afternoon. We were informed to take a seat in one of two circle of chairs, facing outward. In front of each set of chairs, was one chair facing them, the Inside-Out prisoners sat in those chairs. Then one of the prisoners took leadership and ran us through a great ice breaker where the leader gave an incomplete sentence and we each had to give our thoughts/answers for filling in the blank. “The street sign that currently defines my life is_____”, “the future of the justice system looks like ______”, ... there were about ten rounds and a different prisoner sat in the chair facing mine after each question. What a great way to meet so many of the prisoners and get to know them through their answers.
Most of the rest of our activities were in smaller groups of about 7-8 people. Each group was led by one of the prisoners. Activities included identifying the values of a just system, creating a model of a transformed criminal justice system of the future, shared dialogue, and much more. By the time we had to leave after 5pm due to the late start, everyone in the room was transformed. Connection was built as we shared ideas of restoration, wellness, education, Love, compassion, and much more. The depth and intellect of the inside-out prisoners far exceeded anything I witnessed in carswell. Many of these men were lifers, yet they maintained hope, were lifelong learners, displayed incredible teamwork, showed respect for one another, and valued this opportunity.
Interestingly, I of course wanted to observe the prison staff. Although a medium/high security prison,there were three C.O.’s with us throughout the afternoon. They relaxed in the distance and paid little attention to the community building occurring between the prisoners and our group. One C.O. Was on bathroom duty, because only one person could use it at a time. Now this was something I was used to - asking permission to use the restriom. With permission, I had to walk up 1 1/2 flights of stairs to a very old room with supplies and a sink. A heavy door that did not fully close or lock had the sign “visitor and staff restroom.” Everything in the bathroom was aged and sad. I never thought about the fact that in some prisons, even C.O.’s have below adequate facilities. In the case of this prison, though, a new prison is currently being built down the road and this very old building will no longer exist within a year or so. Everyone will be moved. I imagine the prisoners and staff look forward to the change.
I was told by program staff that I should not mention my criminal history to anyone associated with the prison. You all know me, though, that rule was defied as soon as I met one of the male prisoners who asked a question that either required I reveal or a lie. I revealed in the end to about 3 of the prisoners in private conversation. I did not to the C.O.’s. The prisoners were my peers, and I still saw the staff as my enemy. There was a bond I immediate felt toward the men in prison garb, me aware of my privilege of still wearing everything I wore from the free world. One prisoner wore a crochet hat. I let him know I liked it and he said it was contraband. Another inmate made it. Yeah, I understood that. The underground market.
The ability to sit with other prisoners and share stories of similarity and difference was incredible. At this prison, the men can purchase is commissary a flat screen tv for their cells, tablets without internet for music, writing and reading, hot plates, and many other items unheard of at FMC Carswell. In fact their email system is that the men write their emails on their tablet and later plug into a station which downloads them and sends them to the institution to be processed and sent. I can’t even imagine how many more blog posts and how much more detail I could have written during prison, if I were able to do the writing offline first without time limit or cost!!
What an amazing program and amazing day! http://www.insideoutcenter.org/
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Using this Blog Again
I have decided to write from my Carswell experiences again. I am writing about being a lesbian in prison and my observations around gender and sexuality. I feel many researchers miss the mark about the complexities of same-sex relationships in women's prisons. Of course, I am just one person and I was in just one prison. Therefore, it is impossible to have generalizations based on my experiences. At the same time, my experience is important and can add to our general understanding of these issues. I will present on this in November at a national conference. I fear that I may come across as too judgmental about what transpires in these complex prison relationships. I am not judgmental at all of how and why women engage in these relationships, it is more the unsafe, unhealthy, and inconsiderate behaviors that I have personal opinions about. I hope to somehow get across in this research that the culture of same-sex intimate relationships in women's prisons is a very important experience for many female prisoners.
It's been interesting reading and reviewing my blog posts on these issues. I read them and feel like I'm right back there in prison. It's been three years, yet the memories are still very vibrant. I am so grateful to have this blog to refer back to, though, people are still reading it. It is still relevant.
I can honestly say that had I had a much longer sentence, I could see myself at some point even defying my early assertions that I would never be in a prison relationship. I do not think I would have allowed it to become intimate, but the culture of same-sex relationships is very strong and everyone wants to be loved. At the time, I was single. I can't imagine I would have chosen to act in any way that could have gotten me in trouble, more time, or put in the SHU, but would I have developed feelings for someone - quite possibly. I am queer and I was surrounded by amazing women.
Had I had such an experience, how would it have been similar or different than those women who are not LGBT in the outside world? I do not know. I do not have the data to know how or why it may be similar or different. I do know that my observations at the time were very much of women taking risks and I am not a risk taker. I abide by the rules, for the most part, and do not have a need for "action." Sneaking around, having sex in public places, asking people to be "look outs," these are behaviors far outside my comfort zone. No matter how long I was in prison, I do not think I would have done any of that.
So, perhaps I would have had an affectionate relationship with someone. I cannot imagine that I would have had an intimate sexual relationship.
So, it will be interesting to write this paper. It's initially for a class and will also be presented at that conference I mentioned. I'm hoping it adds to our general understanding of women's prisons and the relationships that form within them. Just wanted to share with anyone who chooses to read.
It's been interesting reading and reviewing my blog posts on these issues. I read them and feel like I'm right back there in prison. It's been three years, yet the memories are still very vibrant. I am so grateful to have this blog to refer back to, though, people are still reading it. It is still relevant.
I can honestly say that had I had a much longer sentence, I could see myself at some point even defying my early assertions that I would never be in a prison relationship. I do not think I would have allowed it to become intimate, but the culture of same-sex relationships is very strong and everyone wants to be loved. At the time, I was single. I can't imagine I would have chosen to act in any way that could have gotten me in trouble, more time, or put in the SHU, but would I have developed feelings for someone - quite possibly. I am queer and I was surrounded by amazing women.
Had I had such an experience, how would it have been similar or different than those women who are not LGBT in the outside world? I do not know. I do not have the data to know how or why it may be similar or different. I do know that my observations at the time were very much of women taking risks and I am not a risk taker. I abide by the rules, for the most part, and do not have a need for "action." Sneaking around, having sex in public places, asking people to be "look outs," these are behaviors far outside my comfort zone. No matter how long I was in prison, I do not think I would have done any of that.
So, perhaps I would have had an affectionate relationship with someone. I cannot imagine that I would have had an intimate sexual relationship.
So, it will be interesting to write this paper. It's initially for a class and will also be presented at that conference I mentioned. I'm hoping it adds to our general understanding of women's prisons and the relationships that form within them. Just wanted to share with anyone who chooses to read.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Resiliency
Hello community! I hope this post finds people well. I am now a 2nd year PhD student and have some exciting news... I've been awarded a fellowship to study gambling motivated crime at another University - including a month long residency - which will occur next summer. I finally almost feel like I may be on the right track. I never feel 100% adequate as a doctoral student, but the research I am doing is exciting to me and I feel may make a difference for many people in the future.
Why do I feel like informing you all of this?
It is because I am continually trying to use my experience of having an addiction, being in recovery, and the incarceration as an asset, rather than a detriment. Wouldn't it be amazing if people coming out of prison/jail automatically felt that they gained something positive from their experience that could help them in the future? I certainly do not feel everyone should have to experience being incarcerated - especially given the experiences I had. However, we all face so many things that potentially could stop us from chasing our goals/dreams. It is resiliency that helps determine whether these experiences inhibit us or not. While for years "hope" was my word, for the last several months, I have been focusing on "resiliency."
How did I become a person who appears to be resilient? I'm sure there is a lot of research that shows we develop resiliency when we are young. There has to be an underlying belief in yourself. Interestingly, I do not believe I have had very high self-esteem generally throughout my life. However, I often had people who stepped up as mentors and advisors when I most needed support that assisted me with finding solutions to major problems.
For example, I almost dropped out of college as a Sophomore. I was totally lost. I entered college as a theater and film major, but by my sophomore year, I experienced horrible homophobia in my theater department (and in other parts of my life) and was also unable to afford the costs of film and supplies associated with a film major (this was the early 90's - nothing was digital). So, I had no idea what to do. It was an academic advisor and a couple other women in higher education roles, that took me under their wing to ensure I did not drop out. I actually somehow had a semester of being a full-time student without ever entering a course. My credits were based on other experiences offered to me on campus (I was making a video for a sports team, keeping a journal from some leadership experiences, etc.). I could not have been resilient, found a new major, and ultimately graduated my undergraduate institution without this support.
While I often refer to the experiences I had in prison in trying to get out as self-efficacy - an academic word for one's belief that they have the ability to succeed. Perhaps, much of my experience was actually resiliency. I have many people to thank for helping instill some resiliency in me. I think this is why I often say that I am not special or unique. I am just the culmination of the experiences I have had throughout my life. I am sometimes proud of myself for the resiliency in my life. Sometimes, I doubt myself. No concept is simple. Just thought I would share!
Are you a resilient person?
Why do I feel like informing you all of this?
It is because I am continually trying to use my experience of having an addiction, being in recovery, and the incarceration as an asset, rather than a detriment. Wouldn't it be amazing if people coming out of prison/jail automatically felt that they gained something positive from their experience that could help them in the future? I certainly do not feel everyone should have to experience being incarcerated - especially given the experiences I had. However, we all face so many things that potentially could stop us from chasing our goals/dreams. It is resiliency that helps determine whether these experiences inhibit us or not. While for years "hope" was my word, for the last several months, I have been focusing on "resiliency."
How did I become a person who appears to be resilient? I'm sure there is a lot of research that shows we develop resiliency when we are young. There has to be an underlying belief in yourself. Interestingly, I do not believe I have had very high self-esteem generally throughout my life. However, I often had people who stepped up as mentors and advisors when I most needed support that assisted me with finding solutions to major problems.
For example, I almost dropped out of college as a Sophomore. I was totally lost. I entered college as a theater and film major, but by my sophomore year, I experienced horrible homophobia in my theater department (and in other parts of my life) and was also unable to afford the costs of film and supplies associated with a film major (this was the early 90's - nothing was digital). So, I had no idea what to do. It was an academic advisor and a couple other women in higher education roles, that took me under their wing to ensure I did not drop out. I actually somehow had a semester of being a full-time student without ever entering a course. My credits were based on other experiences offered to me on campus (I was making a video for a sports team, keeping a journal from some leadership experiences, etc.). I could not have been resilient, found a new major, and ultimately graduated my undergraduate institution without this support.
While I often refer to the experiences I had in prison in trying to get out as self-efficacy - an academic word for one's belief that they have the ability to succeed. Perhaps, much of my experience was actually resiliency. I have many people to thank for helping instill some resiliency in me. I think this is why I often say that I am not special or unique. I am just the culmination of the experiences I have had throughout my life. I am sometimes proud of myself for the resiliency in my life. Sometimes, I doubt myself. No concept is simple. Just thought I would share!
Are you a resilient person?
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Presenting in Mexico
So, I presented on you again. You being this blog, this experience, this time of my life that now feels forever ago. I am at an academic conference in Mexico City. Had I not gotten off probation early, I would not be here, as I would not have been allowed to apply for a new passport or travel internationally until after July 2nd. Today's presentation was on Collective Efficacy in a Women's (prison) Medical Center. It stemmed from my thesis. I presented with the most remarkable panel of scholars and felt inadequate. I received very positive feedback, though, and was once again encouraged to get this published (academic journals). It's interesting how unique people think my scholarship in this area is, when in fact thousands of women experience what I did on a daily basis and could write this as well. The truth, though, is that few scholarly articles really reflect the realities of life in a women's prison (especially federal and almost nothing on medical facilities). If my writing could help change correctional policy for even one woman, it's all worth it!!
I feel very grateful that I found the way to maintain this blog while in prison. The ability to read some of my experiences really puts any turmoils I currently have in perspective. I mean, if I could survive Carswell, I could survive anything, right?!? I recently celebrated 9 years of being clean from gambling and GA recovery. I went to dinner with two women from my GA group and it was perfect. Fellowship is one of the most important parts of recovery for me.
Here in Mexico, I've felt very alone. I did not travel with anyone here, and I find myself always having difficulty with networking. In fact, today was the first real meal I had with someone (5 days here) and it was a fascinating person who was on the same conference panel as me. Just that one lunch, made me feel so much better. I even went to 2 group conference activities earlier in the week and fails to talk with anyone. I'm like the most introverted extrovert you ever met!
I thank god, though, that even though I was alone all week, I still work a strong program of recovery. It turned out the Airbnb I was staying at was less than a block from a Mexico City casino. I haven't been that close to a casino in years. In our program we know that "caught off guard and under the right set of circumstances" anyone could relapse and gamble again. It's continued attendance and service in GA that helps us be able to make healthier choices. So, I never once even considered entering that casino - even though no one would ever know. For me, just one bet would take me right back to the person I was over 9 years ago. I never, ever, want to be that person, that addict, again. Having paid the huge consequence of being in prison and having a felony for the rest of my life is a constant reminder how low my life could get if I ever placed that first bet.
I learned today that one of my sponsees was just sentenced to about 21 days in jail. She has faced incredible public backlash for her financial crime related to her addiction to gambling. Without that backlash, the prosecutor was recommending probation only. Due to public outcry, she will spend 3 weeks in jail. It may sound insignificant that it is "only" 3 weeks, but I remember feeling that Kay one day was too much! If you read my first 3 weeks in prison, it was overwhelming and fearful. I can only send her prayers and hope she knows I'm thinking of her, because as of right now I do not know where she's been placed. Once I do, I will write to her and visit her when I return to the U.S. from Mexico. I know she read some of this blog prior to sentencing and I can only hope it gave her some insight into the fact that in the end, things will be okay! I just wish I could give her a huge hug right now! Instead I will ask all of you to send her your prayers, and I will give her the pseudonym Peace, because that is what I wish for her!!
I also received news that my first cousin is in hospice. She's barely 50 years old. She's a lovely person too. Cancer :-(. I always had these intentions to spend more time with her and she did me. We always said we'd visit one another, and meant it. Life got in the way. Never let life get in the way of spending precious time with important people. You never know when they may leave your life too soon. One thing I know, though, is she will be one of those dragonflies that Survivor always tells me about - those who have passed and look out for you after. She will be a beautiful dragonfly! I hope to see her before she goes. I want to share one significant experience I had with her. When I was 9 years old, and she was already a young adult, she took me to see E.T. It was the first time we spent time together just the two of us. It was also one of the first times I saw a movie without my immediate family. I fell in love with E.T. and had such an amazing day with my cousin that I still remember it 35 years later. She was one of the first people who talked to me like I mattered. I was more than just a kid, but I had thoughts and she wanted to hear them. Please also send your prayers to her, and I'll call her Drew because Drew Barrymore was so amazing in E.T.!
I'm still not sure as to the purpose of my writing in this blog these days. I hate to fully let it go, though. There have been times when this blog was my best friend and gave me purpose. I could not have survived prison in the way I did, without this outlet and connection to others. It does not get a lot of readers these days, although we did recently surpass 100,000 page views!! Thank you!!! Without readers, this would merely be a diary. I hope I continue to find ways to enlighten, provide humor, and help those that are facing what feels like the end of the world as they know it - prison!
I feel very grateful that I found the way to maintain this blog while in prison. The ability to read some of my experiences really puts any turmoils I currently have in perspective. I mean, if I could survive Carswell, I could survive anything, right?!? I recently celebrated 9 years of being clean from gambling and GA recovery. I went to dinner with two women from my GA group and it was perfect. Fellowship is one of the most important parts of recovery for me.
Here in Mexico, I've felt very alone. I did not travel with anyone here, and I find myself always having difficulty with networking. In fact, today was the first real meal I had with someone (5 days here) and it was a fascinating person who was on the same conference panel as me. Just that one lunch, made me feel so much better. I even went to 2 group conference activities earlier in the week and fails to talk with anyone. I'm like the most introverted extrovert you ever met!
I thank god, though, that even though I was alone all week, I still work a strong program of recovery. It turned out the Airbnb I was staying at was less than a block from a Mexico City casino. I haven't been that close to a casino in years. In our program we know that "caught off guard and under the right set of circumstances" anyone could relapse and gamble again. It's continued attendance and service in GA that helps us be able to make healthier choices. So, I never once even considered entering that casino - even though no one would ever know. For me, just one bet would take me right back to the person I was over 9 years ago. I never, ever, want to be that person, that addict, again. Having paid the huge consequence of being in prison and having a felony for the rest of my life is a constant reminder how low my life could get if I ever placed that first bet.
I learned today that one of my sponsees was just sentenced to about 21 days in jail. She has faced incredible public backlash for her financial crime related to her addiction to gambling. Without that backlash, the prosecutor was recommending probation only. Due to public outcry, she will spend 3 weeks in jail. It may sound insignificant that it is "only" 3 weeks, but I remember feeling that Kay one day was too much! If you read my first 3 weeks in prison, it was overwhelming and fearful. I can only send her prayers and hope she knows I'm thinking of her, because as of right now I do not know where she's been placed. Once I do, I will write to her and visit her when I return to the U.S. from Mexico. I know she read some of this blog prior to sentencing and I can only hope it gave her some insight into the fact that in the end, things will be okay! I just wish I could give her a huge hug right now! Instead I will ask all of you to send her your prayers, and I will give her the pseudonym Peace, because that is what I wish for her!!
I also received news that my first cousin is in hospice. She's barely 50 years old. She's a lovely person too. Cancer :-(. I always had these intentions to spend more time with her and she did me. We always said we'd visit one another, and meant it. Life got in the way. Never let life get in the way of spending precious time with important people. You never know when they may leave your life too soon. One thing I know, though, is she will be one of those dragonflies that Survivor always tells me about - those who have passed and look out for you after. She will be a beautiful dragonfly! I hope to see her before she goes. I want to share one significant experience I had with her. When I was 9 years old, and she was already a young adult, she took me to see E.T. It was the first time we spent time together just the two of us. It was also one of the first times I saw a movie without my immediate family. I fell in love with E.T. and had such an amazing day with my cousin that I still remember it 35 years later. She was one of the first people who talked to me like I mattered. I was more than just a kid, but I had thoughts and she wanted to hear them. Please also send your prayers to her, and I'll call her Drew because Drew Barrymore was so amazing in E.T.!
I'm still not sure as to the purpose of my writing in this blog these days. I hate to fully let it go, though. There have been times when this blog was my best friend and gave me purpose. I could not have survived prison in the way I did, without this outlet and connection to others. It does not get a lot of readers these days, although we did recently surpass 100,000 page views!! Thank you!!! Without readers, this would merely be a diary. I hope I continue to find ways to enlighten, provide humor, and help those that are facing what feels like the end of the world as they know it - prison!
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
It's Been A While
So, where is my life today.
The post I should've written many mo ths ago is that I was released from Federal Supervision about 10 months early. I kinda knew my P.O. was trying for it, but then I didnt hear from him for a while. Suddenly in the mail, I received official documents from the court that I was released two weeks prior. I was shocked!! No more monthly reports and no more requests for travel. I was free. I do still pay monthly restitution. There's no one telling me to, but I know I owe it and I wouldn't want to find out what happens if I don't pay.
The best part of being free is receiving a new passport, which I did last month.
This upcoming summer I have been invited to present a part of my Master's Thesis (Self and Collective Efficacy in a Women's Prison) at a conference in Mexico City, and I can go!!! I can leave the country if/when I want (except for Canada of course).
I'm almost done with my PhD coursework. I have two semesters to go. Then I'll be doing my comprehensive exams and working on my dissertation. I am doing a pilot research study this summer looking at the consequences (especially legal ones) of compulsive gambling. I am also doing research on transgender prison policies. I have a diverse portfolio. 😄
I have been helping a couple women in GA that may face similar consequences for their gambling as I did. I just keep reminding them to take it all a day at a time, attend meetings, and it will all be okay in the end. Next month will be three years since my release from FMC Carswell. I'm in touch with Freckles and Lola, who are both doing great as well. Life keeps happening, but we are all able to face the ups and downs.
I guess some people get out of prison and try to never look back. South is likely one of those people. I, however, feel that my experience has informed my life in many ways. I need to work to make the prison experience better. I need to help reform our criminal justice system overall. I need to advocate for better understanding of addiction motivated crime. Research will help me do that.
As a researcher who has been to prison, I am officially a part of convict criminology. I don't love the name, but the people are pretty great. They are former inmates like me who use their prison exoerience to inform their research priorities. It is noce to attend conferences for criminal justice and have the support of other former inmates who are also graduate students and professors. My master's thesis fit well within this genre and I am going to try to publish some pieces of it over the next year or so. I am totally a nerdish grad student. Many of my collegues know little to nothing of my past. Many of them know a lot. I do not hide from my past and try to use it as an advantage. It is not always easy, but I always try.
My hope is to graduate in 2019. If I were not kicked out of my original program, I would likely be graduating this year. Traveler is doing just that and I am super excited of her life to come. I will miss having her living in my same city. T.S. is also graduating next month. Her four year's of college life are ending. Despite all our family drama and my absence from here while in Texas, she is graduating with honors. She is an exceptional young woman.
Sporty and I recently gained custody of T.S.'s little sister. She is 12, so we will not be empty nesters anytime soon. Given where my life was just a couple years ago, it is amazing to see how things get back to semi-normal.
I am still at the same job I had prior to incarceration. My Director had my back, even knowing the truth. I was promoted last year into a major role. I am resigning this summer to focus on my degree and research. I have a research assistantship that will carry me through to graduation.
Health-wise I would like to say things are better. They are not. I'm on yet a new biologic medication and have another new diagnosis. I take it all as it comes and hope for more good days than bad. It has not been good lately, but I know it will get better.
I kinda miss the reality of a daily blog. Not sure what I'd write about anymore. My life is rather boring now. I guess that is the best result of the chaos that existed from 2013-2014. Be well all!
This is one of my favorite sayings, nit sure if I shared it before, but here it goes anyway:
Two Days We Should Not Worry
Author Unknown
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares,
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.
We cannot undo a single act we performed;
we cannot erase a single word we said.
Yesterday is gone forever.
The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens,
its large promise and its poor performance;
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow's sun will rise,
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow,
for it is yet to be born.
This leaves only one day, Today.
Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.
It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad,
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time.