A Rift in the Plan

I'm not sure why I was not more concerned before now. Maybe it was just a wish, an inability to accept the truth, a hope, I don't know. It wasn't until I was talking with Hansom the other night and we were talking about my including him on my list of 30. We can each bring in a list of 30 names, addresses, phone numbers, and emails of people that we want to stay in touch with while we are incarcerated. We can add/delete people as we need, and they must agree to be communicated with by phone and email (which is monitored just like mail is read), but there is a limited number of people we can put on the list and I wanted Hansom to be one of them and he wanted to be as well.

The thing is, I've mention that Hansom has a felony on his record. He is off probation. However, he may not be allowed to be on my list anyway. There are very strict rules about inmates communicating with current or ex felons. We ended our call with the fact that we will try.

However, our conversation brought me to the reality of something much bigger, and he is aware of this as well, that Survivor may also not be allowed to have any communication with me either. Survivor is my friend, GA sponsor, family, support, confidante, hero, late night texting, laughing, crying, fun loving, understanding, sisterly, caring, loving, other pea in my pod. She is my rock in recovery and has been there at all my darkest moments. The idea of no communication at all with her for nearly a year terrifies me. She is the one person I know can and would visit me (she can fly for free due to her prior career with the airlines). She also recently survived breast cancer and has another surgery scheduled soon after my self surrender (which she put off because of wanting to be at my sentencing and such). I only imagined being incarcerated with knowing my other "pea" was just a phone call, email, or letter away. 

Prison talk (once again, a really good website to join for offenders and their family/friends) confirmed that it is likely Survivor will be initially refused from my visitor list and that she may try to appeal. I'm still waiting to hear about whether other forms of communication will likely be restricted as well. 

I guess it is good to know all this a month before I go in. I will have time to prepare mentally/emotionally. It is something we should all be aware of, though, even with our best intentions, the BOP could put a rift in our plans.