Just Don't Look Weak

My stepdads grand advice for me for going to prison is not to cry - at least not during my first week. In fact, he would like me to keep my head down and not look at anyone at all. Of course I'm sure bumping into folks is out of the question too, so I might have to look straight ahead of me sometimes.

This isn't just my stepdads advice, the advice of not showing weakness is fairly constant. I've even blogged about having to be strong. But truth is, we also can't be people we are not. I still believe we can't trust easily and we do need to be strong, but prison is bound to be an emotional experience. Keeping it kept entirely inside makes me think too much about the emotional hiding I did as an addict. Perhaps not everyone is safe to see our pain, but in our letters, emails, phone calls, the chaplain, in our recovery groups, our counselor, someone. We need to trust someone. Keeping a fake strong persona and in reality hurting is a person I never want to become again.

So when people give me the advice, I know they mean well and they want the best for me. They are worried about me. I don't need to explain everything I just wrote in this blog. I simply need to say, "thank you," as I will consider their suggestion.

At least in my case, it is weaker for me to be hiding my pain, than to share it. It takes a lot of strength to be able to do that.