Trying To Fit In

As I talk with people about what life may be like on the inside, I often get the advice to keep to myself (I'm an extrovert) and just do my time. I must admit, I hate confrontation. Anyone who knows me, knows that. I used to be the most passive person you'd ever met. Not even passive-aggressive (never been aggressive), just passive. But with my five years of addiction recovery, five years of growing emotionally, I've learned to stand up for myself at times (still not confrontational) and I still, unfortunately, withdraw at signs of aggression. So, with this being the truth, I'm unsure how to really be "prepared" for the prison environment.

From what I've read, the prison camps are not full of fights or confrontation. Everyone is mostly in there for non-violent crimes. That is where I'd be if it were not for my medications. But the federal medical center is a real prison, with convicts at every security level doing time together. Some inmates may be there for life. They are bored. Even confrontation not pointed at me makes me withdraw. 

I have a male GA friend who also spent time in prison for his crimes connected to his addiction. He told me that inmates like to "test" you when you first arrive. They may take something of yours to see your reaction. They may confront you. They may try to get your story. Of course, there is a difference between men's and women's prisons.

The best advice I received and that I can give to others is to stay and appear strong - don't let someone get to you - don't show your weaknesses - make acquaintances but trust no one with your life story. Fitting in is not your goal, getting out early for good behavior is.

So, when I see confrontation, or someone confronts me, I think I'm going to go with my natural instinct and walk away, even if I appear a coward. I'd rather be a coward, than living in the Hole in isolation. As for keeping to myself, I expect to be the extrovert I am, I just don't expect to share much about myself. I'll let others tell me their crazy and fascinating stories and I'll believe about 10% of them. Like I said, trust no one and everyone is getting the same advice!!!