From Dragonfly: Only an Inmate

Throughout the day, there are many times we are reminded that we are "only an inmate." There's when we stand count (and we are just a number), or when we are told we cannot leave a place, or when the washing machine is broken and we can't do anything about it. It is very humbling to be in the role of accepting ones status as "only an inmate." No matter who we are on the outside, we have none of that when we are in here. Our education does not matter. Our skills do not matter. We are all seen as the same. It is part of the freedom taken away.

Today, I had one of those moments to remind me that I am only an inmate. I am teaching my class about brainstorming ideas, themes, and outlines. We are moving towards writing essays. The class teacher is out ill. She has been to 2 days of my teaching in total. I am a tutor, but when she is not in the classroom, I must teach the material. I have designed curriculum, looked through our available materials, and worked hard to be ready for any day that the teacher is not there. Since she's only been in 2x due to her illness, most days, I must teach. I love teaching, so I have no complaints. Well, today, I was busy talking about the "outline" when another teacher (not my assigned teacher, but the head teacher) walked in my room and started observing. Then she says, "that is not the way we teach this." I tried to explain that we were moving toward the "mapping" exercises (the way we teach brainstorming) but that I was trying to show how it helps toward writing. She immediately told me to stop and that I can only teach straight from the GED book. I erased the board and we opened the book I had already been intending to use for exercises.

Two minutes later, another teacher came into the classroom and asked me to step out and brought me to a third teacher's office. I was 'informed' by the two teachers that whenever a teacher tells me to do something or questions anything I am doing, I am just to say, "thank you," and never talk back. Never, ever talk back. I am just an inmate. I am not to explain "why" I choose to teach a certain way. I am to follow directions. Period. So, I did. But, I know that my students get confused by the book and I have no leverage to help explain things further. Outlines are not allowed, only mapping, but not everyone is visual in that way. To me, the goal is that the students can write a GED essay, not the way in which they go about brainstorming their thoughts. It is about getting the students to the end goal in a way that is understandable to them.

However, I do not get to put in my input. I may spend 90% of the time with the students, but I am not allowed to use my skills to help them, except on an individual level. I must remember, always, I am just an inmate. Here, I am not a college graduate. I do not have a juris doctorate and I certainly am not studying toward a PhD in education. I do not know how to teach, here. I have no authority, here. I can be belittled in front of a classroom of students, here. I am an inmate.