From Dragonfly: Sporty In Town

Today, Sporty came to visit me. It was a great visitation and she's coming back tomorrow. I asked her to write up her experience to share and she said, "okay." So, that should be coming soon. I thought I would spend a little time typing up some observations I've made about my incarceration. I have 96 written so far, so here are just a few:

- If you were at a prison camp with your medication for years, but sent here for evaluation, you will be told that you cannot transfer to a camp due to your medication.
- We will ask you to bring $1,000 of your medication with you to your self-surrender. We will throw away $1,000 of your medication upon surrender (just bring bottles and maybe 1 day's medicine with you).
- We will give you a shoe box with your new shoes and the materials your books arrive in. Shoe boxes and packing materials are contraband.
- Everyone in your room is responsible for the cleanliness of the room. If someone does not clean, well, we have no answer for that because everyone must clean. Fighting is not allowed, but make them clean.
- You can get everything and anything for a price, just don't ask where it came from.
- We have replaced our microwaves with hot water spickets. This should be an even trade.
- You may visit an inmate, as long as you have the ability to control young children after sitting in the car for 4 hours waiting.
- While talking to loved ones on the phone, we will remind them that you are in a "federal prison" at least 3x.
- You will need physical therapy when that cast comes off. There is one a 1 1/2 year wait for physical therapy.
- Please do not waste your food. If you cannot finish your food, please do not share your food.
- The best place to avoid trouble is in your room, on your bed. Unless you have a crazy roommate, in which case you will be safe in a toilet stall.
- We care not if you are 70 and retired, you still must get your GED.
- Trans guys must go by women's names here. Trans women must go by women's names here.
- We are told to look as good as possible - including ironing our uniforms. Some women take it a little further, ironing tshirts, sweats, and their underwear.
- We are referred to by our last names, but no one can say them correctly.
- If for some reason you are locked out of your email, we will press the reset button on Monday.
- You are required to record your name in order to use the phone system. When you call out, our system will recognize your voice and name once every 12 attempts. If you have a cold, you cannot use the phone system, because your voice will not be recognized.
- If you are new, we will house you in the bus stop with troublemakers and non-FRP payers. They will assist you in understanding facility rules.
- If you cut your hair short, you are a "stud" and will be well cared for by the femmes, whether you are homosexual or not.
- You will learn every meaning of the word, "fuck," within a week upon arrival.
- You must have your i.d. with you at all times. We are providing you with pocketless sweats.
- Your work will start at a rate of $0.12/hour of satisfactory work performance. This money should help you pay financial obligations and be saved toward release.
- If you do not receive adequate funds from the outside to pay your FRP, we will restrict your work income to $5.25/month.
- After one year in your job, you are eligible for a one-week paid vacation. Enjoy absolutely no change to your life the rest of your year incarcerated - only a little more time doing nothing productive.
- If you want to get your computation papers, please wait for 2 1/2 hours outside records on any Wednesday in order to be told to go to your counselor. Then, wait an hour to see your counselor, in order to be told to go to records.
- In order to accommodate everyone for laundry, your time may be at 4:45am or end at 2:00am.
- You are responsible for paying your FRP payment on time, however, we will not pay you enough to cover the payment, so please beg your family & friends to send you funds early each month.
- 50% of inmates speak spanish as their first language, for that reason, 10% of the televisions are reserved for spanish language television shows. Ummm, is something unfair there?
- Shaved heads and mohawks are prohibited, unless you identify as a boi.
- It is important that you maintain communication with your family, especially your children. If you are in trouble, the first priviledge we take away is phone & email, so we can punish not only you, but your children.
- You can't stand more than 10 minutes, walk more than 2 blocks, or lift more than 20 pounds? You are approved for food service!
- Personal hygiene is very important to not spread germs. However, our bathrooms are out of soap and towels.
- You must carry your own toilet paper at all times. If you run out, please avoid the toilets.
- We will provide you with a 2,500 calories/day diet. Don't gain weight!
- We offer a salad bar. It consists of iceburg lettuce. Enjoy this special addition to your meal.
- Welcome to prison. In 24 hours, we will provide you with your uniforms, pajamas, underwear, bras, and a pillow. For tonight, enjoy the oversized uniform that publically says your size on it in blank parker 20 times and a blanket. No change of clothes. No pillow. Good luck.
- You self-surrendered and have never been under attest or in handcuffs, but since you have to see a specialist, outside the medical facility, we are putting you in wrist and ankle shackles.
- If you have a medical issue, we will put you in a more secured prison (even though you are unable to run) and you will have less time at home because you are ineligible for halfway houses.
- Oh, you have a bite that has swollen your entire arm and causes paid on your entire right side? Here's some gauze and tape. Let us know if it gets worse.
- We have wonderful craft supplies for you to order so you can occupy your time in a healthy way. It will just take 3 months for shipping and handling.
- Sorry you don't know this rule I made up this morning, here's "extra duty" so you will know it in the future.
- No, we can't give you a non-formulary medication. Here's a medication that will make you sleep all day, so you won't notice any of your pain. You may need assistance standing for count.
- We have programs to help you with adjusting to life after prison which is available your last year incarcerated. There is a wait list, so you may need to wait over a year to attend sessions.
- You may have a past drug problem, but here's a narcotic to ease your pain.
- If you want taste in your food, purchase your own spices in the commissary. Those green beans look good, but have no taste.

And, writing these stupid things is how I keep myself busy...