I have to admit my mistake from yesterday. It is not 150 graduating, it is 55 (well, there are more, but they do not want to participate in the ceremony and others have already left Carswell), so 55 will walk at today's graduation. Rehearsal yesterday was bitter sweet for me, and I did not expect that response...
The graduates were each fitted for cap and gown and then they had two photos taken. I worked the photo section. I helped put the gowns on and off them and make sure their tassle was on the correct side. One of the teachers kept telling me I was putting it on the wrong side, but I know what I'm doing. I did this job many times at my institution of higher education - where one of my responsibilities was helping the faculty and VIP's get into their caps and gowns. The realization that I am doing it in prison now, and not at my school was a bit overwhelming. Then, the graduates had to practice walking in and out. The music took me right to graduation ceremonies and I started to realize that I really may not receive my PhD. I may not walk the aisle this last time. Something I want to achieve so bad, and it may be taken away from me. I still can't believe I am in this position with my institution. I have been a good student and given back to the University in so many ways. Why would my past have such an impact on my educational goals?
The other day, one of my students came up to me after class and said, "I hope you get out of here soon and can go back to your life on the outside." I said, "thank you," and then asked why she said that to me. She said that she has high regard for me, that I am a skilled educator and that I am one of the first tutors to treat all my students with respect. She is a lady in her 50's and I was really amazed at the praise she gave me. It took me back to what I may face once I'm out of here, though. Will I have a school to go back to? Will I get to accomplish my goals? If, for some reason it is taken from me, what will I do?
This is, again, when I have to turn to my GA program and remember that I don't have to solve all my problems at once. In fact, while in prison, the only thing I can do is type up the letter I've written in response to the letter I received (using a typewriter!), and pray that my higher power has the best of wishes for me. I also received the "Day at a Time" book from G.A. yesterday, so now, daily, I can have just a moment of my recovery in my life. Thank you Survivor!!!
It looks like they are going to send South home sometime soon. She was called to her social worker's office and they are starting the process... could take 2 months, but I did tell her weeks ago that I believed she'll be home for the holidays. Danbury is also going to be released by December. I will be sad for my friends to go, but SO HAPPY that they are going home!!!! One day, it will be me.
A blog about a woman sentenced to one year and one day in a federal women's prison camp and was sent to FMC Carswell for a crime related to her history of compulsive gambling.
Highlights
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Saturday, September 28, 2013
From Dragonfly: Graduation
Tomorrow is graduation day for all the students who have received their GED, cosmetology, ESL, or apprenticeship degrees over the past year. I walked in to class to start teaching this morning and was told that classes were cancelled for today and tomorrow. They don't tell us in advance, ever. This morning, I went through all the classroom materials that I've had no ability to look at since I get almost no time without students in my class. About 10am, I was called into a meeting with the other Education inmate workers.
We have a role in tomorrow's graduation (good to know), but they have not told us our roles yet. Instead, today is the rehearsal. There are probably about 150 inmates graduating. It is treated like a real high school graduation - caps, gowns, grad music, pictures, food, and guests. Today, I will assist inmates in getting their photos ready with a cap and gown on. I don't know if it is the best job for me, since I can't really reach most people's heads. Ha. Every graduating inmate will receive two graduation photos free of charge. The only other "free" photos are our mug shots, so this is a big deal! It is quite the accomplishment for these students to be going through graduation and to be able to walk out of prison with the ability to have access to a career and/or college (depending on their new degree). Yesterday, I talked with one student who hopes to go to a community college when she gets out of here next year and pursue a degree to be an x-ray technician. I believe she will, too!
I meet so many people who tell me they will go right back to their criminal ways upon graduation. It makes me incredibly sad to think that being here has not caused them to believe there is another way in life. It makes me so proud of those who are spending their time here trying to better themselves. I love the joy I hear when they get their GED results. I see their tears if they have a score too low to pass math. This education matters to them. I won't say it's everyone who are in the classes, but definitely a lot of them. I met two women who both graduated from the cosmetology school. Both plan to work in hair salons when they go home. Real direction and a way to support themselves and their children. So wonderful!!
I hate that the staff here think they have no programs for me. I am learning everyday by observing other people and my students. I also officially know how to chain up in crochet and do a single stitch. I have a 10" x 5" crocheted project that can be used for nothing to show for my new skill. I'm a little scared to try to actually make something real. I may try to make something for T.S. for her upcoming birthday in November, but I fear that it will have too many missed stitches and she will just laugh at me... plus we don't have the yarn colors for her school colors... I would need to be creative.
Speaking of the cosmetology school, I may have to make an appointment there after all. I don't think my hair has looked worse in all my life. I'm trying to grow it out, but it pretty much looks like a layered mop on my head. I'm thinking of trimming up the back to let it all grow out together. I'll see what Sporty thinks when she visits this weekend. And, my SIL invited Sporty to dinner Saturday night since she will be in town with nothing to do after visitation ends at 3pm. Everyone in my life always shows me how amazing they are. I am a very fortunate woman, even in my khaki's!
We have a role in tomorrow's graduation (good to know), but they have not told us our roles yet. Instead, today is the rehearsal. There are probably about 150 inmates graduating. It is treated like a real high school graduation - caps, gowns, grad music, pictures, food, and guests. Today, I will assist inmates in getting their photos ready with a cap and gown on. I don't know if it is the best job for me, since I can't really reach most people's heads. Ha. Every graduating inmate will receive two graduation photos free of charge. The only other "free" photos are our mug shots, so this is a big deal! It is quite the accomplishment for these students to be going through graduation and to be able to walk out of prison with the ability to have access to a career and/or college (depending on their new degree). Yesterday, I talked with one student who hopes to go to a community college when she gets out of here next year and pursue a degree to be an x-ray technician. I believe she will, too!
I meet so many people who tell me they will go right back to their criminal ways upon graduation. It makes me incredibly sad to think that being here has not caused them to believe there is another way in life. It makes me so proud of those who are spending their time here trying to better themselves. I love the joy I hear when they get their GED results. I see their tears if they have a score too low to pass math. This education matters to them. I won't say it's everyone who are in the classes, but definitely a lot of them. I met two women who both graduated from the cosmetology school. Both plan to work in hair salons when they go home. Real direction and a way to support themselves and their children. So wonderful!!
I hate that the staff here think they have no programs for me. I am learning everyday by observing other people and my students. I also officially know how to chain up in crochet and do a single stitch. I have a 10" x 5" crocheted project that can be used for nothing to show for my new skill. I'm a little scared to try to actually make something real. I may try to make something for T.S. for her upcoming birthday in November, but I fear that it will have too many missed stitches and she will just laugh at me... plus we don't have the yarn colors for her school colors... I would need to be creative.
Speaking of the cosmetology school, I may have to make an appointment there after all. I don't think my hair has looked worse in all my life. I'm trying to grow it out, but it pretty much looks like a layered mop on my head. I'm thinking of trimming up the back to let it all grow out together. I'll see what Sporty thinks when she visits this weekend. And, my SIL invited Sporty to dinner Saturday night since she will be in town with nothing to do after visitation ends at 3pm. Everyone in my life always shows me how amazing they are. I am a very fortunate woman, even in my khaki's!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
From Dragonfly: Aproval!!
I have several friends that want to visit me - including Sporty and Survival. Both required the paperwork going to the Warden for approval based on something in their past. I was SOOOOO worried that they would not be approved. Yesterday, I learned both were approved! It took about 3 weeks for their approval (whereas my family was approved within days of their form arriving). Therefore, do not be surprised when some approvals take time, it does not mean they will not be approved! Now, I get to know that Sporty will be flying down and visiting me this weekend - all weekend. Yeah!
We have had a change in guards this week, which has a lot of people in an uproar. The way it works, is that every 3 months, the C.O.'s are assigned to new units. Our new day officer is a female C.O. who has quite the reputation of being a "hard ass." The problem in most inmates eyes seems to be that she follows the rules!! In fact, she expects inmates to do exactly what is in our A&O book. Consequences are severe if we fail.
I have no problem with how this C.O. wants to run the unit. Of course, I don't fail the rules. People have been getting their lockers searched if their rooms are not inspection-ready by 8am. Anything they are not allowed to have, is confiscated. Our craft project permits have to be in order. We have to be in our rooms 30 minutes before count. We cannot use the restrooms while they are being cleaned. We must use the cosmetology department for haircare. If we use a chair, we must put it back where they are stored under the stairs when we are finished. We cannot hang around the front door waiting for the "chow" call, we must be in the open area. We cannot use the irons if it is not our wash day/time. We can't have anyone else do our wash. We cannot go in anyone else's room. We can't scream between the 1st floor and the 2nd floor to get someone's attention. We cannot hog the televisions - if it is not our "time" that we signed up for, we must give the control of the remote to the person who did. We must share and clean the microwave (or it will disappear). There are lots more rules. But, for the most part, I think they are very reasonable! Too bad they can't force people to be kind to one another!!
There are some people in here who spend all their time thinking about life after prison. I have not been doing that. My program has taught me that "one day at a time" is the only way to live and not worry all the time. I must say that it is working. Each morning, I wake up and face my day. At the end of the night, I almost always say out loud, "another day done." Today is my 37th day at Carswell. Each day is unique and requires 100% of my energy. There are people I have met that are kind. I have been teaching myself crochet (with the help of other inmates). I may try and make a scarf (easiest first project), but I'll have to mail it out to someone (we can't keep our craft projects, generally). Survivor sent me a fancy crochet book, that I received yesterday, so now I can learn more than the single stitch. About 5 inmates immediately asked to borrow the book.
I've also been reading A LOT. I read, "Room" in one day. I am just about done with "A Dog's Journey" and know that someone will send me the next book in the 2-book series (hint, hint). When I don't have new books sent, I venture into the library and start something old that I never read. It helps the time go by. I'm also watching television, now that I am housed on the television floor (1st floor). Last night I watched "The Voice." It is the first show, since I've arrived, that everyone seems to laugh together with. Usually our televisions are divided into factions of people - a lot by race. When "The Voice" is on, people from all different backgrounds are watching. I love that!
It's almost time to get to education. I need to borrow some toilet paper off someone because I forgot to keep some on me and we have to carry our own for all restrooms.
We have had a change in guards this week, which has a lot of people in an uproar. The way it works, is that every 3 months, the C.O.'s are assigned to new units. Our new day officer is a female C.O. who has quite the reputation of being a "hard ass." The problem in most inmates eyes seems to be that she follows the rules!! In fact, she expects inmates to do exactly what is in our A&O book. Consequences are severe if we fail.
I have no problem with how this C.O. wants to run the unit. Of course, I don't fail the rules. People have been getting their lockers searched if their rooms are not inspection-ready by 8am. Anything they are not allowed to have, is confiscated. Our craft project permits have to be in order. We have to be in our rooms 30 minutes before count. We cannot use the restrooms while they are being cleaned. We must use the cosmetology department for haircare. If we use a chair, we must put it back where they are stored under the stairs when we are finished. We cannot hang around the front door waiting for the "chow" call, we must be in the open area. We cannot use the irons if it is not our wash day/time. We can't have anyone else do our wash. We cannot go in anyone else's room. We can't scream between the 1st floor and the 2nd floor to get someone's attention. We cannot hog the televisions - if it is not our "time" that we signed up for, we must give the control of the remote to the person who did. We must share and clean the microwave (or it will disappear). There are lots more rules. But, for the most part, I think they are very reasonable! Too bad they can't force people to be kind to one another!!
There are some people in here who spend all their time thinking about life after prison. I have not been doing that. My program has taught me that "one day at a time" is the only way to live and not worry all the time. I must say that it is working. Each morning, I wake up and face my day. At the end of the night, I almost always say out loud, "another day done." Today is my 37th day at Carswell. Each day is unique and requires 100% of my energy. There are people I have met that are kind. I have been teaching myself crochet (with the help of other inmates). I may try and make a scarf (easiest first project), but I'll have to mail it out to someone (we can't keep our craft projects, generally). Survivor sent me a fancy crochet book, that I received yesterday, so now I can learn more than the single stitch. About 5 inmates immediately asked to borrow the book.
I've also been reading A LOT. I read, "Room" in one day. I am just about done with "A Dog's Journey" and know that someone will send me the next book in the 2-book series (hint, hint). When I don't have new books sent, I venture into the library and start something old that I never read. It helps the time go by. I'm also watching television, now that I am housed on the television floor (1st floor). Last night I watched "The Voice." It is the first show, since I've arrived, that everyone seems to laugh together with. Usually our televisions are divided into factions of people - a lot by race. When "The Voice" is on, people from all different backgrounds are watching. I love that!
It's almost time to get to education. I need to borrow some toilet paper off someone because I forgot to keep some on me and we have to carry our own for all restrooms.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
From Dragonfly: New Morning Routine
Now that I am working in education every weekday, I have a new morning routine. I awake around 5:50am. I am usually awake even earlier, but I stay in bed, stretching my muscles and joints. I have to be VERY careful doing so, as my bunk mate above me screams if I jiggle the bed. It's hard to do my stretching and not jiggle a little bit. There is no where else in the unit I could do it, and with my morning stiffness, just getting out of bed takes stretching.
Once I am up, I gather my uniform and head to the restroom. I was trying to dress in my room, but my roommates, again, complained that I was waking them, so I compromised and bring it all to the restroom stalls. I shower at night, so my hair looks like a nightmare in the morning. I always wet it down in the sink and do what I can. My hair has been growing wildly. The humidity of Texas is making it even curlier than it was before I was imprisoned, and there is little I can do but hope it doesn't stick out everywhere. I am letting it grow while I am in here, because I would prefer all my hair to be shoulder length when I leave. So, everyday is a bad hair day!
I take all my morning pills, once again frustrating my roommates (I'm not sure how I am not to make any noise in a 70 sq. ft. room. One roommate never complains. She understands that I have a job and must get ready. The other two do not work and just lounge around most of the day. Well, one has a job - cleaning showers 2x/day, but total time doing it is around 2 hours/day. After pills, I grab a plastic chair (we have all our community chairs stacked under a staircase and if we want one, we need to carry it ourself to one of the community area, after, we must return it under the staircase), and I go watch the news for a couple minutes. Once Freckles is ready as well, we go to breakfast - sometimes with others, sometimes just ourselves. It's nice having Freckles have the same schedule as me. And, she gets ready in her room, along with another of her roommates, and no one complains!!!
We only go to breakfast on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Banana days are just too crowded and we will not get to work on time. Breakfast usually consists of a wheat bagel (not toasted) and a morning cereal of all-bran, grits, or oatmeal. Each day is one of those options. I do not enjoy any of the three. I usually get dry toast as an alternative unless they happen to have small pieces of breakfast cake or muffins (rare). I always grab two packages of the skim milk packets as well - it is the only real dairy I receive and I am always craving it. It may not be the best breakfast, but at least I can teach for three hours without feeling hungry. On Wednesdays and Fridays, Freckles and I are starting to eat cinnamon rice cakes with peanut butter and strawberry jam in our unit (all available in commissary). I never realized how much I could enjoy a rice cake, until I put pb&j on it!! I purchased a couple cans of V-8 juice, which we share.
If I get out of breakfast before 7:15am, I make my way to the email lab (because now that I work, access to email is a lot harder). I don't always have time to fully respond to anyone's messages, but just reading things from my friends makes me very happy. If something is important, I (of course) respond. Sometimes, though, based on time, I can't respond until much later in the day or the next day.
By 7:30am, I am walking into the education department. I have to check in with one of the teachers, so they know I am there. So far, only twice, has my teacher been in. She is ill and needs a lot of time off from work. On days she is not in, I teach the entire day and love it! On the two days (so far) she was in, I just spend my time grading and am silent at my work desk (not so much fun). My teacher cannot remember my name, ever, so if she wants me, she screams, "Hey!" and/or snaps her fingers. I feel a bit like she thinks I'm a dog. I definitely prefer the days where I am the teacher! I think she is going to retire in a couple weeks (when she turns 50). She's mentioned it and I am hoping she does whatever is best for her. However, I do hope she will start to treat me with even a little respect. Oh, and she tells entirely inappropriate stories to the students, gets off track, and fails to actually get the students to the day's lessons, sometimes. My thoughts about how we teach adult students are constantly filled. Here, though, I am not a scholar. I am just an inmate.
My students treat me with great respect, though. They always say, "hi," to me and smile. They appreciate my help as they work toward their GED. When the teacher is in the classroom, they look at me with sad eyes. I always say things like, "today, please respect our Teacher," so they know I will not engage in any conversations against her. The students are working hard and two of them are testing this week for their GED, and based on practice tests, they should pass! Hard work pays off!
I stay in my classroom from 7:30am-11:30am. I no longer have to go back to my unit at RECALL at 10:30 due to my job. 10:30-11:30 is the most time I have to grade papers (so I take them back to the unit sometimes with me at night). I get to eat lunch with the education tutors always at 11:30. We do not need to wait in the long line with our unit. This ensures we can be back at work by 12:30pm, so start our afternoon shift.
On Mondays and Fridays, I receive my enbryl shot at 10:30am. The clinic was good to work with me and stop me having to come at 7:45 am (which caused me to be locked in the clinic until the next open move at 8:45 am). Working has certainly added some worth to my stay, as well as a way to be busy half the day. I am SO glad I chose to seek out this employment!!
Once I am up, I gather my uniform and head to the restroom. I was trying to dress in my room, but my roommates, again, complained that I was waking them, so I compromised and bring it all to the restroom stalls. I shower at night, so my hair looks like a nightmare in the morning. I always wet it down in the sink and do what I can. My hair has been growing wildly. The humidity of Texas is making it even curlier than it was before I was imprisoned, and there is little I can do but hope it doesn't stick out everywhere. I am letting it grow while I am in here, because I would prefer all my hair to be shoulder length when I leave. So, everyday is a bad hair day!
I take all my morning pills, once again frustrating my roommates (I'm not sure how I am not to make any noise in a 70 sq. ft. room. One roommate never complains. She understands that I have a job and must get ready. The other two do not work and just lounge around most of the day. Well, one has a job - cleaning showers 2x/day, but total time doing it is around 2 hours/day. After pills, I grab a plastic chair (we have all our community chairs stacked under a staircase and if we want one, we need to carry it ourself to one of the community area, after, we must return it under the staircase), and I go watch the news for a couple minutes. Once Freckles is ready as well, we go to breakfast - sometimes with others, sometimes just ourselves. It's nice having Freckles have the same schedule as me. And, she gets ready in her room, along with another of her roommates, and no one complains!!!
We only go to breakfast on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Banana days are just too crowded and we will not get to work on time. Breakfast usually consists of a wheat bagel (not toasted) and a morning cereal of all-bran, grits, or oatmeal. Each day is one of those options. I do not enjoy any of the three. I usually get dry toast as an alternative unless they happen to have small pieces of breakfast cake or muffins (rare). I always grab two packages of the skim milk packets as well - it is the only real dairy I receive and I am always craving it. It may not be the best breakfast, but at least I can teach for three hours without feeling hungry. On Wednesdays and Fridays, Freckles and I are starting to eat cinnamon rice cakes with peanut butter and strawberry jam in our unit (all available in commissary). I never realized how much I could enjoy a rice cake, until I put pb&j on it!! I purchased a couple cans of V-8 juice, which we share.
If I get out of breakfast before 7:15am, I make my way to the email lab (because now that I work, access to email is a lot harder). I don't always have time to fully respond to anyone's messages, but just reading things from my friends makes me very happy. If something is important, I (of course) respond. Sometimes, though, based on time, I can't respond until much later in the day or the next day.
By 7:30am, I am walking into the education department. I have to check in with one of the teachers, so they know I am there. So far, only twice, has my teacher been in. She is ill and needs a lot of time off from work. On days she is not in, I teach the entire day and love it! On the two days (so far) she was in, I just spend my time grading and am silent at my work desk (not so much fun). My teacher cannot remember my name, ever, so if she wants me, she screams, "Hey!" and/or snaps her fingers. I feel a bit like she thinks I'm a dog. I definitely prefer the days where I am the teacher! I think she is going to retire in a couple weeks (when she turns 50). She's mentioned it and I am hoping she does whatever is best for her. However, I do hope she will start to treat me with even a little respect. Oh, and she tells entirely inappropriate stories to the students, gets off track, and fails to actually get the students to the day's lessons, sometimes. My thoughts about how we teach adult students are constantly filled. Here, though, I am not a scholar. I am just an inmate.
My students treat me with great respect, though. They always say, "hi," to me and smile. They appreciate my help as they work toward their GED. When the teacher is in the classroom, they look at me with sad eyes. I always say things like, "today, please respect our Teacher," so they know I will not engage in any conversations against her. The students are working hard and two of them are testing this week for their GED, and based on practice tests, they should pass! Hard work pays off!
I stay in my classroom from 7:30am-11:30am. I no longer have to go back to my unit at RECALL at 10:30 due to my job. 10:30-11:30 is the most time I have to grade papers (so I take them back to the unit sometimes with me at night). I get to eat lunch with the education tutors always at 11:30. We do not need to wait in the long line with our unit. This ensures we can be back at work by 12:30pm, so start our afternoon shift.
On Mondays and Fridays, I receive my enbryl shot at 10:30am. The clinic was good to work with me and stop me having to come at 7:45 am (which caused me to be locked in the clinic until the next open move at 8:45 am). Working has certainly added some worth to my stay, as well as a way to be busy half the day. I am SO glad I chose to seek out this employment!!
Sunday, September 22, 2013
From Dragonfly: Showers
This week, for the first time since my arrival, we had real rain showers. Many people ran through the rain to get to whatever building they needed. Me, I can't run, so, I walked and was soaked by the time I was at my classroom. We needed the rain - everything was looking very brown outside. The weather was in the 90's and so humid. The rain cooled things off. Most inmates can be seen wearing their sweatpants and/or sweatshirts this weekend. At least in the morning. Then, the sun comes out and it warms up to a good 80-something degrees. Much more reasonable. We are inside so much, however, that the inmates that went out to enjoy the cooler temps yesterday, all got back to the unit sunburned. We all need the natural Vitamin D, though. I didn't have any time outside, due to my visit with SIL, so, at least I am not sunburned!
I figured this was a perfect opening for describing our "other" showers... the ones in the bathrooms. I am pleased to share that all our showers have doors (and most of them lock). Some of the showers are better than others... as they have a hook on the door and do not flood. Newbies (such as myself when I first arrived) will see an available shower, go in, and suddenly be standing in a puddle of water not going down the drain. We learn quickly - that is a bad shower. I try to warn the newest newbies to not use shower #_ or shower #_... Why should everyone have to learn the hard way?
Our toilets are also all behind doors that lock. I am so grateful for the shower and toilet privacy! Also, our cleaning staff are inmates in the unit. They clean our bathrooms/showers several times every day. I wouldn't use a shower without my shower shoes on, but I am not afraid to touch anything. They are clean.
A weird feature of the showers is the height of most of the water spouts. They are about 5' 5" high... I can get under it fine (I'm short), but to do my hair, I'm practically on top of the water handle. For taller women, they need to bend down for their face/hair. I'm not exactly sure of the reason for these low shower heads - which cannot be adjusted - but it certainly may limit the amount of time people are in the shower. I do love that there seems to be unlimited hot water.
Bathrooms are the one place we can be alone behind a door. Now, I only go to such places to do my bathing/bathroom purposes, but at least when I am doing them, I am not concerned about who is looking in or even paying attention to conversations on the other side of my door. I get moments of peace. I never appreciated showers more!
I figured this was a perfect opening for describing our "other" showers... the ones in the bathrooms. I am pleased to share that all our showers have doors (and most of them lock). Some of the showers are better than others... as they have a hook on the door and do not flood. Newbies (such as myself when I first arrived) will see an available shower, go in, and suddenly be standing in a puddle of water not going down the drain. We learn quickly - that is a bad shower. I try to warn the newest newbies to not use shower #_ or shower #_... Why should everyone have to learn the hard way?
Our toilets are also all behind doors that lock. I am so grateful for the shower and toilet privacy! Also, our cleaning staff are inmates in the unit. They clean our bathrooms/showers several times every day. I wouldn't use a shower without my shower shoes on, but I am not afraid to touch anything. They are clean.
A weird feature of the showers is the height of most of the water spouts. They are about 5' 5" high... I can get under it fine (I'm short), but to do my hair, I'm practically on top of the water handle. For taller women, they need to bend down for their face/hair. I'm not exactly sure of the reason for these low shower heads - which cannot be adjusted - but it certainly may limit the amount of time people are in the shower. I do love that there seems to be unlimited hot water.
Bathrooms are the one place we can be alone behind a door. Now, I only go to such places to do my bathing/bathroom purposes, but at least when I am doing them, I am not concerned about who is looking in or even paying attention to conversations on the other side of my door. I get moments of peace. I never appreciated showers more!
From Dragonfly: Squat and Spread 'Em
A room about 10'x10' with a small wall dividing part of it down the middle. Four inmates and one officer. Strip, squat and spread your cheeks (the lower cheeks). That is a strip search here post-visitation. My prior strip search had just an officer in the room. Today, three other inmates could see me naked, squatting, and spreading. I could see them, too. I kept my eyes on the back wall - didn't look anywhere by at the wall. I didn't want to see anyone else. I imagine no one else wanted to see me, either. What a job the C.O.'s have that they have to look at hundreds of naked butts.
The strip search was well worth it, though! I had my first visitor - my sister-in-law (SIL). SIL is the same sister-in-law that I talked about in a much earlier post. I can't remember if I gave her a pseudonym, but for now on she's SIL. She's wonderful, loving, supportive, intelligent, and interesting. She made me laugh, listened to my stories, shared her stories, and purchased me food from the vending machines. I was not super hungry - so I ate a bag of sour cream and cheddar ruffles and drank a can of orange soda. Neither can I get in here. It was great. Next time, I told her I'm trying the pizza. Ha.
I know that she had to wait a bit to come in, but I don't know how long. It did not seem to be a full house today at visitation. Maybe 40 people had visitors today. Sad, since there are over 1,600 inmates! Maybe Saturdays are not as busy as Sundays. I don't know. Most facilities have Friday and Monday visitations as well, but not here. We can have visitors from 7-3 Saturdays and Sundays only. Actually, our visitors are escorted out at 2:45pm. SIL seemed to take in the entire experience well. I think it will freak out my parents a bit if they visit, but who knows.
Interestingly, I realized that another inmate at visitation is a woman I'd read a lot about prior to getting here. She's like the "poster child" of women's prisons (that is what she called herself while we were waiting to exit). She was an attorney that refused to cooperate with the authorities about her client who was accused of being a terrorist. She held her atty-client privilege and they locked her up. She is in end-stage cancer and has months (if that) left of her life. I guess she applied for compassionate release. Her application is with D.C. right now. So many interesting stories here. I am glad her family is able to come here and spend weekends with her.
Many of my fellow inmates tell me that they asked that no one visit while they are here. They think it would be hard to say, "goodbye," and would make them even more homesick. After having my visit today, I need to disagree with this statement. I know it is hard to see people we miss, but they need the visitations as much as we do. We need to remember that our families go through the reality of our incarceration at the same time we do. For example, I talked with T.S. this morning. She is doing alright starting college, but the adjustment and expected level of studying is difficult and she really misses having me there to talk with. I miss her everyday, but I do not have the ability to talk with her everyday. So, I just try to make our conversations count. I can't wait for her to visit me in December, when she is on break, though. Then, for hours, we can talk. I can be the parent-figure I've been to her for years. I can't wait to get home and be available all the time, but our families just want us around, period. Visits make that possible.
Sporty has been trying to visit for several weeks. She must fly here. However, her visitation form has not been approved yet. In fact, just SIL's form is approved so far. It can be quite the wait to have visitation forms approved. I highly recommend NOT making any travel arrangements until visitation approval is already received. It has been over 3 weeks for several of my friends/family so far. I think anyone listed on the PSR as family can have nearly automatic approval. Others may take time. SIL is on my PSR as family and that may be why her approval came so quickly. I am certainly glad it did. For 2 1/2 hours today, we were just the sisters we are and I was not just an inmate. Nothing can be better while incarcerated!
The strip search was well worth it, though! I had my first visitor - my sister-in-law (SIL). SIL is the same sister-in-law that I talked about in a much earlier post. I can't remember if I gave her a pseudonym, but for now on she's SIL. She's wonderful, loving, supportive, intelligent, and interesting. She made me laugh, listened to my stories, shared her stories, and purchased me food from the vending machines. I was not super hungry - so I ate a bag of sour cream and cheddar ruffles and drank a can of orange soda. Neither can I get in here. It was great. Next time, I told her I'm trying the pizza. Ha.
I know that she had to wait a bit to come in, but I don't know how long. It did not seem to be a full house today at visitation. Maybe 40 people had visitors today. Sad, since there are over 1,600 inmates! Maybe Saturdays are not as busy as Sundays. I don't know. Most facilities have Friday and Monday visitations as well, but not here. We can have visitors from 7-3 Saturdays and Sundays only. Actually, our visitors are escorted out at 2:45pm. SIL seemed to take in the entire experience well. I think it will freak out my parents a bit if they visit, but who knows.
Interestingly, I realized that another inmate at visitation is a woman I'd read a lot about prior to getting here. She's like the "poster child" of women's prisons (that is what she called herself while we were waiting to exit). She was an attorney that refused to cooperate with the authorities about her client who was accused of being a terrorist. She held her atty-client privilege and they locked her up. She is in end-stage cancer and has months (if that) left of her life. I guess she applied for compassionate release. Her application is with D.C. right now. So many interesting stories here. I am glad her family is able to come here and spend weekends with her.
Many of my fellow inmates tell me that they asked that no one visit while they are here. They think it would be hard to say, "goodbye," and would make them even more homesick. After having my visit today, I need to disagree with this statement. I know it is hard to see people we miss, but they need the visitations as much as we do. We need to remember that our families go through the reality of our incarceration at the same time we do. For example, I talked with T.S. this morning. She is doing alright starting college, but the adjustment and expected level of studying is difficult and she really misses having me there to talk with. I miss her everyday, but I do not have the ability to talk with her everyday. So, I just try to make our conversations count. I can't wait for her to visit me in December, when she is on break, though. Then, for hours, we can talk. I can be the parent-figure I've been to her for years. I can't wait to get home and be available all the time, but our families just want us around, period. Visits make that possible.
Sporty has been trying to visit for several weeks. She must fly here. However, her visitation form has not been approved yet. In fact, just SIL's form is approved so far. It can be quite the wait to have visitation forms approved. I highly recommend NOT making any travel arrangements until visitation approval is already received. It has been over 3 weeks for several of my friends/family so far. I think anyone listed on the PSR as family can have nearly automatic approval. Others may take time. SIL is on my PSR as family and that may be why her approval came so quickly. I am certainly glad it did. For 2 1/2 hours today, we were just the sisters we are and I was not just an inmate. Nothing can be better while incarcerated!