From Dragonfly: Frien-emies

When you are in prison, not everyone is going to like you. It's just a matter of fact. Sometimes, it is because of how you act. Sometimes, it is because you said the wrong thing once to a person and they never let it go. Sometimes, it's because you are dating someone they want to date or you are dating their ex - both can make enemies quickly. People may not like you because of who you hang out with, because you get commissary and they don't, because they don't like a look you once made at them that you never knew you made, because you wear your hair a certain way, because you were the person before/after them during "laundry wars," because they wanted to cut in line once and  you didn't let them, because you walk too slow, because you are skinny, because you are fat... it doesn't matter. There's not a person I know, here, who is liked by everyone. It just is too complicated a place.

If you are someone that really needs to be liked, you will need to check that at the front gate. Prison is not about that. It's about survival, filling time, and finding your way home. There will be nay-sayers in here. Ignore them. There will be gossip about you. Ignore it. People may say things about you that you have no idea where the lie started from. Look the other way. Everyone wants to rile you. Don't let them. You may never know who is against you, until a smile backfires, a "good morning" goes unanswered, someone walks up to you and says something like, "you have an enemy... I heard blah, blah, blah talking all kinds of sh** about you...". Etc.

The key is to stay strong despite these realities. Over the past weekend, I became a target of some of this negativity. It made me really upset, but then I turned to my recovery program. Do I really care what people, who I barely know, think of me? No. Have any of my good friends joined in on it? No. In fact, they totally have my back. Am I safe? Yes. Is there anything I can make amends for? Yes. Why yes? Because I need to always clean up my side of the street and if I said/did anything that hurt another person, I must apologize. For me, my apology was for allowing someone to ask me something and I did not directly respond to her, which caused her to think my answer was one thing, when it was really another. It helped feed the gossip. I did not intend that, but I felt better saying, "sorry," for my part of the misunderstanding. That's what we need to do. The right next thing... even if others don't do it back. Once I did that, I knew that I did not need to do anything more. It's up to the other person to do an amends or not. I cannot expect anything and nothing has happened.

Another example, recently, was when I heard something through inmate.com and shared it with another person. I don't know why I felt the need to "gossip." Well, the person I was gossiping about had a friend sitting nearby who overheard and immediately laid into me. I stopped what I was saying, thought for one second, and told her that she was right, I shouldn't have been gossiping, especially about someone I don't even personally know. No matter how many times I said, "you're right... I'm sorry," she did not forgive me. It was a couple weeks ago and now she believes I caused the rumor, even though I was just forwarding what I had heard. We all know, do not believe anything in prison until it happens. Sometimes, it is hard to not get mixed up in what everyone is saying, but we have to do our best. This is not a place to intentionally make enemies. You don't have to have a lot of friends, but people here are not always rational with their actions/thoughts in a place like this. I was probably feeling too "comfortable" with my friends and surroundings and I was not being rational myself. Irrational behavior will undoubtedly have negative consequences.

Thing is, though, that I can honestly say that I don't care what others, here, think of me. It's not like I want to fit into prison or prison life. I don't want to call all the people my friends, because they are not. Many people, here, would scare me out on the streets. It's a little different when we are all wearing the same uniforms and have to act under the same set of rules. It is no loss to me that someone does not like me. It is on them. I will still say, "good morning" to them every day. Them not being kind is not an excuse for me to not be kind. My only important relationship, here, is between me and my higher power. I know that the truth is way more important than being liked. I will continue to do the next right thing, even if it results in enemies. I can't care. Thankfully, there are plenty more people here who do like me, than that hate me. That doesn't matter either, though, because it is not about the quantity of friends one has, it is about the quality of friends. Here, and back home, I have the highest quality friends in the world. So, go ahead, hate me, spread rumors about me. The people who really know me, know who I am, and have my back. Be yourself, and the same will be true for you.