From Dragonfly: Crazy or In Prison?

Lately, I've been noticing the behavior of many inmates, including myself, and realizing, if we were doing what we are, anywhere but here, we would be deemed crazy. I don't do all the following, but I certainly see people who do:
- wash our dishes in the bathroom sink
- wear the same outfit for 5 days in a row
- only own two pair of pants and shirts in the same exact color and style
- never walk barefoot
- dry hair using the air put off by a giant ice machine (okay, maybe that's crazy here, too)
- only dress in the shower stall
- wait until someone tells us we can use the bathroom
- strip naked after every visit
- climb a ladder to get into our bed
- use a maxi pad to dry our hands
- eat at the same restaurant every day
- keep our clothing, food, and hygiene in the same space
- put clean clothing with our dirty clothes, so we can fit all our groceries in our locker
- stock up on as many boxes of gobstoppers as possible
- use ramen noodles as a basis for any kind of pasta
- smell our milk every time before we drink it
- hide food in our bra from the chow hall
- hide food in other parts of our bodies
- fight people in order to use the washing machine
- iron for over an hour at a time
- spend all our income on groceries
- pay our bills with food items (I'll give you this ham to pay off that $5 bill...)
- pay twice the cost of a new t-shirt for a used t-shirt in a slightly darker shade of grey
- pay over $100 for a pair of used shoes that are different from everyone else
- paint our eye glasses
- monogram our hats, scarves, and bags
- write our name in our socks and underwear (or the days of the week on the butt)
- eat at the same times every single day
- hide brooms and mops in our room so no one else can use them
- wait more than five hours to see a physicians assistant
- always want to go home
- push anyone aside to get the table you want
- wake up in the night to stand by our bed to be counted
- feed a raccoon (okay, it's officially being called the "cat-coon")
- let those who wash and iron our clothing make more per month than the ones working "traditional jobs"
- eat a pint of ice cream for breakfast
- go shopping using our laundry bag
- sit on the floor waiting to be "rung out" when shopping
- walk around/over someone having a seizure
- never carry any money
- being constantly locked inside or outside of our "home"
- mail call is the best part of the day
- believing the feds are watching our every move (oh, yeah, they are!)
- believing the feds are listening to our phone calls and reading our mail (oh, yeah, they are!)
- waiting in 2-hour+ lines three times/day to get our medications
- waiting in an hour long line to get a lunch box with 6 chicken wings
- hoarding food
- preferring being at work, than at "home"
- crying on a regular basis
- getting excited every night, when the call-out sheet is available, to see if we have an appointment
- packing up all our belongings is a good thing
- carrying our toilet paper roll everywhere we go
- waiting in line in a bathroom for a haircut
- never giving a "tip" in the salon
- using "mozzarella" as a valuable trading item
- use rolled up paper to keep earring holes open
- always wanting to go to "camp" as an adult
- moving every couple weeks/months
- constantly changing our roommates
- sneaking in a bathroom stall for sex (ew)
- getting in a fist fight over a plastic chair
- taking a program to better oneself, just to get increased time off or a living arrangement with your girlfriend
- sitting at the same table as murderers and child molesters
- walking up and talking to the president (okay, it's a warden here)
- treating iceberg lettuce as and entire salad
- cleaning the floors 3+ times/day
- borrowing someone else's walker to use for bringing your groceries home or wait for your pills
- allowing pigeons to land on your arm and feed them (okay, that's kind of crazy here too)
- using mayonnaise in your hair (ew)
- sleeping near someone who hasn't showered in weeks

Okay, there are a lot of crazy things that would be crazier in the outside world, but appear perfectly normal in prison. I certainly never thought about the million ways I would use a maxi pad, that having an appointment would be a highlight to my day, that I would ever want to go home as bad as I do, or that I would have such a specific schedule (including always waking before 6am). But, there is a life of order here in prison. We learn from each other and we do things we never thought we would. Let's hope it's only temporary.
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