From Dragonfly: You Are Going to Camp

I am getting used to being told that I am going to the camp across the street. When I was told this two days ago, by my case worker, I counted that it was about the sixth time a staff member has informed me of this since November. Since, for most inmates, it takes about 2-3 weeks to process them for the most across the street, I have a hard time believing that in fact, this time it is going to happen. But, anything is possible, so once again, I need to see daily if I am being told to "pack out" because I am moving. The constant unknown of where I will lay my head at night is a bit overwhelming, but becomes a norm when in prison.

If I am moved across the street, that will be fine, but really, I just want to get back to the Midwest at this point. I don't care if it is home confinement or a halfway house, I want to be closer to my family. I told my case worker that I want to get home, not to camp. She told me to come by yesterday to look and see if my exit summary is done, but when I went by, her office was dark and she was gone for the day. I can't stop by during her open house hours, because it is when I work, so I usually stop by after work. I will try again today. I "bumped" into the doctor that I've never met, but has to release me for the exit summary on Friday. I actually got her attention for 30 seconds and told her that I was awaiting her signatures so that my paperwork could be processed. She mentioned that she was "given" until "Tuesday." We will see if it was done, and maybe, instead of going to the camp, I can be given my official date of being released from Carswell. That would be something!!!

That's the thing about being here - the number one conversation is always about when we are getting out, how to get our paperwork processed, how to understand the paperwork they give us, and how to understand the discrepancies on why one person gets 8 months halfway house and another has to max out their time here, when they are here with similar sentences. There doesn't seem to be rhyme or reason, particularly, but I do know that it helps if you are not an "ass" to the staff that processes you, and if you ensure they actually know who you are, but stopping by every so often. Everyone has too big a caseload, and so office hour "stop-by's" are important to getting things done on your behalf. Another important factor is how much time you have left on your sentence. Very little can be done until you are about 17-19 months out from going home. So, if you have a short sentence, things start early in your time in prison, but if you have a long sentence, it is not until your last years that you will see much happen on your behalf. That's normal, so don't fret. Just do anything you can do to shorten your time and make the time move faster - programming, sentry credits, RDAP, etc.

In other news, my shampoo has gone missing. This may sound weird, but when you live out of a 3 foot locker, you pretty much know where everything is. Also, I keep my shampoo, along with all my other shower items, in a small "shower bag." So, yesterday, when I went to shower, and there was no shampoo, I was a little distressed. This morning, I tore my locker apart thinking "it must have just fallen out in my locker," but nope. No shampoo. It's easy to think that someone took it. I did have my shower bag hanging outside my locker the other day drying after my shower, but I am unable to confirm anything. Theft happens. If it was stolen, it's my own fault for hanging it in an easy to access area. If it was not stolen, then, somehow, it was lost. Luckily, it's only shampoo and all I can figure is that if someone took it, they must have needed it much more than I do. I will find a friend who has extra shampoo and borrow some until I shop next week. My hair is not greasy, yet.

I'm also happy to report that something positive happened here the last few days medically. A friend I have, here, is a breast cancer survivor and has just finished her radiation treatments. She was noticing swelling, heat, and pain, and went to sick call because of fear of a recurrence. The medical staff worked very swiftly on her behalf, having her get an MRI and an ultrasound within 24 hours. She is cancer free, and the relief can be seen all over her face. They think she may just still be reacting to the treatments, and she will be okay. I've never seen the medical staff work that fast for anyone and it was good.

On the negative side of things, I am very bothered by the fact that I must accept the unacceptable too often. The other day, while playing a game with Lola at inside rec, I went to the restroom. Inside, I saw two inmates who I know to be "dating" having a fight. There was hitting, screaming, crying, and yet, I was unable to do anything. That's what we learn, here, don't involve yourself in anything that is not about you. Had I tried to intervene, it would have been my head on the floor. Of that, I have no doubt. Had I told a staff member, I would have to look over my shoulder for the remainder of my time here. Don't be a snitch. So, I did nothing as domestic violence was occurring, and it made me sick to my stomach. I was unable to get back into my game of Tri-Ominos and I kept worrying about the weaker of the two inmates who were in the midst of their fight. The thing is, these two constantly fight, and it often gets physical. Everyone knows it, yet no one can do anything about it. Bruises are explained away (I hit my face on the upper bunk) and scratches are things that must of occurred while sleeping. These are the same kinds of violence we see in the homes of countless people on the outside. It sickens me that I did nothing and will likely do nothing in the future if I see it again. This is not the person I am. I am an advocate and a feminist and I do not accept violence against women - by men or other women. As I said, I am accepting the unacceptable! Also, just a day later, the two of them were laughing and smiling together, as if the fight had never occurred. As I mentioned, this is a consistent sight when these two inmates are concerned, and I pray, nothing serious ever happens!!