From Dragonfly: Fireworks

I was aware of no large holiday falling on April 12th, but nonetheless, last night, as we started our short walk between the track at outdoor rec and our unit, fireworks!!!! At first, I thought it would be just a couple shots of color sent up in the sky, perhaps a private showing/doing, but as we continued to walk, they continued to be launched. Red, blue, silver, gold, green, changing colors, sparklies, and just the slightest "bang," the fireworks continued to fly and be seen beyond our unit and indoor rec. I sat down on a bench and just looked at the sky - beauty. In fact, the compound became quiet, except for some "oohs," and "ahs," as the fireworks continued to fly.

It left many of us pondering on why, on April12th, would there be fireworks? Was there a festival of some sort going on nearby, perhaps at the Bear Lake campground area? Was it a celebration of the oncoming Easter/Passover/Holy weeks? No one knew the answer, we just all had our heads up and faces of "awe" with unexpected delight.

"Inmate Recall! Inmate Recall!" Hope that they would put off our recall until the show ends, was not to be... we all slowly continued our gait back to our units, slower than usual, looking straight up in the sky. Once I was nearing the main entryway to my unit, the irony of seeing fireworks over a prison building hit me. I wish I had a camera for that image... fireworks over an unattractive building with bars on the windows just didn't seem to fit together. At the same time, it gave the building an aura of beauty for just the short moments of the color streaming down behind it.

In my unit, half the units face North and have South. Mine faces South, the wrong way for the fireworks. Of those with windows facing North, only those who were outside prior, knew to look out their windows. There was no way the sounds of the fireworks could overshadow the constant sound of the unit. So every few rooms, the lights were off and the occupants looked through their bars, to watch the beauty unfold. It kept going for several more minutes. I'm told the finale was really spectacular. I could have risked being in another person's room to watch, but I don't take risks that could give me a shot. I have a goal, to see my next fireworks on July 4th with my family and friends, so anything that would possibly get me in trouble is not worth my while. Instead, out my window, I could see the women at the prison camp, on the other side of the fence, on the north side balcony, watching the fireworks as well. I was too far away to see their faces, but I imagine they, too, were awestruck, by the unexpected show in the sky.

It was almost peaceful, as I sat back for a few minutes and was able to take in the spectacular showering of light. To me, fireworks will always represent freedom, and as hard as it is to imagine, I am still free (even if I sometimes write that I am not). My freedom exists within me, as I am free from an addiction that nearly took my life, an addiction that would not have allowed me to care about the show of lights in the sky, an addiction that held me much more captive than I am each day in this prison. Just a couple days ago, I was listening to a guest Rabbi, as we prepare for our Passover week. He talked, too, about Freedom. I shared my take on being more free here, than I was all those years of gambling. The other Jewish women sat around, thinking too, about how even in the confines of prison, our freedom to feel, react, choose, and live is within each of us.

I have no idea why or where the fireworks occurred last night. I don't know if there was some large crowd enjoying them, if they were set to music, if it was a public or private showing. What I do know, is that for the brief moment of watching the show, I felt grateful to have it. I will never see fireworks the same again.