From Dragonfly: The Interested

Okay, best to know in advance and be prepared for it. I've written a couple times about it, but, still, people are surprised. Whether you are tall or short, thin or heavy, black or white, old or young, gay or straight, in a wheel chair, on a walker, or use your own two feet to get around, you will more than likely be approached, flirted with, wooed, and/or considered by another inmate in a "girlfriend" sort of way. Do not project onto the person who seems to like you all your built up homophobia in the world, as you can just easily show no interest. Truth is that people in prison get lonely, they want a "special" friend (sometimes), and they must like something about you. You should be flattered for their attempt, and you have a choice - also show interest or say, "no." There's nothing wrong with you, regardless of which you choose. This is whether you are a lesbian in the outside world, or not. Just because you may be a lesbian, does not mean that you have to choose to be in a prison relationship. Maybe you have someone special at home, or are even married to your wife. Maybe you don't think a prison romance is right for you. No matter the reasons, you have a right to not be in a relationship here.

I have been hit on several times since I arrived. Most of the women are very nice, and are probably "gay for the stay," as they have husbands/boyfriends in the outside world. My disinterest in having "prison romance" has been enough to keep it as a friendship and nothing more. I don't have to explain myself to anyone. I have pictures of all the people at home that are the reasons that I don't choose to be in an unhealthy prison romance. Nonetheless, the fact that someone thinks I'm cute, is something I just smile at. It always feels good to be liked. It's how we react to someone that matters. As long as I know I'm not interested in anything, I am left alone on that front.

Even if you are one of the people that does not wish to engage in a prison romance, please put your homophobic thoughts and responses at bay. There's no reason to lash out at someone who happens to be gay or is in a same-sex relationship, as it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Likewise, become aware of transgender folks and know that they will be housed right along with you. They may carry themselves quite well as guys, but there's a reason they are in a women's prison - sometimes it's for their protection - sometimes because they don't meet the BOP definition of a man - it matters not, what matters is that they are an inmate right along with you and deserve the same respect as anyone else. We are all just doing our time together, trying to get home to our families. No matter how different the people around you are to you, you will find that you have far more in common than you do different. It makes us much wiser and stronger to meet and get to know people who are different from ourselves.

I can't emphasize enough that no one causes your negative reactions to people and their lifestyles, except your own issues. Try to not project that on others. Everyone has a right to live their life the way they need/want to. You can have boundaries, though. You can say that you don't want someone's girlfriend in your room, because if they are caught, you all get in trouble. You can say that you are not quite comfortable with something. Allow it to be a conversation, a learning experience for you both. If all you do is act disgusted by behavior you may not understand or are just not prone to, then you close yourself off to finding peace in yourself. Like I said above, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. No one will force you.

Just this week, a woman I've known since my arrival has started to flirt with me. She's totally "straight" in real life, but it's honestly just playful flirting. I do not encourage it and I am fully able to stay friends with her. While I'm flattered by her attention, I know that I'm not interested and will not "go" there with her. I don't need to make it something about her, it's about myself, my boundaries, my choices, and my commitments to people back home. She can flirt all she wants, we all know that it's nice to be flirted with once in a while. She's not overbearing, stalking, trying to be physical, or putting me in a compromising position. She's just nice. What matters are my choices and my reactions. I choose to laugh, walk away, and be at peace.