Two Months Out

I left Carswell two months ago today. It feels like forever ago. I can't believe how fast I got acclimated to life on the outside. I'm lucky that I wasn't incarcerated very long and didn't have to get used to the fast changing world. I'd say I'm right back where I was with technology, my biggest difference from where I was before I was incarcerated is that I watch less television. However, Sporty was just given a 60" television, which gets put up on Wednesday, so that may change everything!!! I thought I would want to come home and catch up on all my missed shows, but I spend my time doing other things - walking SuperDog, volunteering, relaxing, reading, preparing to go back to school, taking short road trips, connecting with friends, working out, and eating way too much food! Maybe the food part is a bit too much like life before Carswell!!!

The good thing, though, is that I've done my best to keep active. I found that Comcast offers a lot of fitness videos for free. I have done many of them and enjoyed the variety of choices. I was missing the workouts I did at Carswell to Jillian Michaels for beginners, though. It consists of two dvd's - one is the frontside and one the backside, but I was physically able to do almost all the exercises and I loved the way I felt doing it. Freckles and I both stated that we would purchase the set and keep doing  the workouts as part of our routines.

Turns out that the workouts I was doing via Comcast fitness were good, but not as good. I finally purchased the Jillian Michaels videos and did the frontside yesterday and the backside today and let me tell you, I'm feeling it!! These last two months have not been good on my staying conditioned. I wear a fitbit flex and do what I can to reach 10,000 steps every day (many days I get to only 7,000 or so). I take Superdog on walks. I do the workouts on Comcast. However, nothing works me as hard as that Biggest Loser coach. So, I'm going to keep doing her workouts and I guess I'll carry that little bit of FMC Carswell with me into the future.

In other news, I am officially getting my car back from my parents. Since I will start earning some money in August, I will be taking back my car. It will be nice not having to depend on others all the time for rides. I was also re-approved for my handicap parking permit. While I am fully capable of getting around with traditional parking right now, in fact I chose to walk up and down two floors of stairs at school today, when the weather starts to turn, I will need to have a close parking spot. My body and icy sidewalks don't do well together. I will challenge myself to only use the permit when I need to, and to walk the distance when I am capable of doing so. I think Jillian Michaels and Freckles would approve of that decision.

I was talking with Survivor earlier today and I could only admit that I'm still amazed at how things are coming together in my life. It was so easy while in Carswell to only imagine the worst things happening. No one tells you that it is possible to have life turn out okay after incarceration. They only tell you how hard it will be. If you believe them, then inevitably, your life will be hard. We are able to  cause our own destruction by our negative thinking. We are also able to cause our own success by positive thoughts. We need more stories - more evidence - of what helps ex-prisoners find success after prison. I hope I can help find those characteristics that help people move forward through my research. Perhaps it will help build programs that can be alternatives to how prisoners are treated at the moment.

In the meantime, I suppose I will keep just moving forward and counting the days, weeks and months since my release. There's a strong part of me that knows I HAD to go through the FMC Carswell experience, so I can understand the value of everything in my life. I needed to go through it, so I could do something to make a difference for others. I needed the experience so I could continue to change myself. I'll be able to say that my crime did not and will not define my life. My incarceration did not and will not diminish my future.