The 11th Hour

There have been moments this year when I started to question myself, especially lately, am I holding out for something that is just not meant to be. First, my judge tells me that my academic career should end, then my admission is revoked to my phd program after two successful years, then my readmission is put on what seems like an indefinite hold. I don't verbalized my fears, but what if the real answer is "no?" What if I am not officially admitted to the University, what then?

I never had a backup plan. I just kept listening to the messages being given to me - keep trying, be patient, maintain hope, assume it's going to happen, and no one questioned my actions when I did just that - not my PO, not my supervisor, not my new department. They just kept cheering me on - keep going!!! Well, okay, if you all believe in me, and I believe in me, then I'm going to just keep holding onto my belief in hope until I no longer am able to. With classes officially starting tomorrow, I drove home at 5pm having done my program orientation and a long meeting with my supervisor today, wondering if the every five minute check to see if I finally received an email saying my hold was lifted had been raised was too much. Maybe, just maybe, it was time to accept reality. Since mid July, I've been checking and rechecking my email constantly, being told it'll take a week, then ten days, then another week, then waiting til Tuesday, and now it had been another week. Time was ticking. 

5:52pm tonight by email:

"The hold on your application has been lifted and you are approved to continue your academic pursuit. 

My sincere best wishes.

....

Director of Admissions"

After I send a quick thank you, he replies back to me with, "Thank you for your patience, ... Have a success[ful] fall semester."

Let's be honest. I was anything BUT patient! It was 14 hours prior to their start of classes and I was officially admitted to the University. The biggest struggle was within myself, not the process of getting back in.

It's sad to know that many people would probably have never fought their way back into the University. Once their admission was revoked, they would have accepted it as a new dead end. I pray that people can learn from my experience that while I had many self-doubts along the way, perseverance, honesty, open-mindedness, flexibility, and hopefully some humility have helped me find my way back into a major University outside their traditional timeline, into a very competitive program, with a number of opportunities for a future that will not only allow me to pay my restitution, but to pay forward all the good done for me, and do public good for others throughout my life. 

Tomorrow I will officially sit in my first class as an official student of the University after my incarceration. I will never forget how many people went out of their way to help make this possible for me and I will do my best to make them all proud. Most of all, I will do the best I can to make myself proud. I do not have to be perfect, I just have to commit myself to this, work hard, follow through, and believe in myself. 

I am officially a student again at the 11th hour!