A Day with Dad

My dad is not the person he once was, then again, neither am I. The person he is today is relaxed, confused, simple, exhausted, frustrated, passive, kind, and quiet. I can't begin to tell you how many of those words would not be on this list ever in the past.

Health-wise, it's truly impossible for me to know what's going on. The cancer is still there - in his brain and in his bones, and he just finished another round of chemo and radiation. We will know in a couple weeks if it has spread more. When I try to bring up anything health related with him or my step-mother, I just don't get any straight answers.

The biggest effects on my dad has been from the stroke he suffered the same week as my sentencing. I wasn't told about it until the day before my sentencing. My dad was not lucky, he never regained his full communication functions and from what I can tell, his memory is also affected.

Where does this leave things? My step-monster pretty much talks and talks and complains and talks and whines and bosses my dad around and talks for him and talks some more... It's so hard to watch. I'm grateful she's taking care of him, very grateful, but I am upset by how she talks to him, at him, about him, etc. He is sick and desperately trying to do things right, and she screams that he didn't start the dish washer, pulled the hood rather than the gas cover, or can't remember going somewhere.

I can only imagine what it must be like for one's spouse to suddenly be ill and need you in unexpected ways. That's what you sign up for in marriage. Growing older means that we all change and sometimes we face very scary struggles. No one should be made to feel worse about the struggles they are facing.

I have one more full day with my dad. I'll enjoy every minute of it and lean on my program of recovery to deal with the stresses of the unknowns of his health and the behaviors of my step monster. She tries hard, perhaps she tries too hard. She's just very judgmental. My dad used to be that way. He's not anymore. Now, he's just my quiet, simple, loving dad. I'll take him this way and hope he can still live a while yet!