Wow - I Needed That

Every once in a while I get the urge to look at my blog's stats and see how things are going here. I guess they are okay - given that I've been slow in writing. I'm sorry about that. My school work has my total focus right now and when I'm not studying or working, I am trying to not be attached to technology. I just stare at this computer or my phone too often. Plus, I'm not quite sure where this blog is going anymore. That's the honest assessment. Sometimes, I have something to share - something that I think is beneficial - like an interaction with my PO or something like that - but otherwise, my life is actually pretty boring. I'm no longer the woman heading off to prison. I'm once again me - doing school, attending GA meetings, hanging with my friends, working - and I happen to be on Federal Supervision - but so far, that hasn't been a huge burden to write about.

I remember being in prison and hearing so many people talk about how HARD it was to be on supervision - all the rules, all the restrictions. Am I just lucky thus far? Will this get harder? If it does, I certainly WILL share that with you. I've heard of people have several switched of PO's and every one of them being different. Knock on wood, I pray that does not happen to me. Is my supervision especially easy because I do not have a background of drugs/alcohol, so I do not have to go in for frequent urine tests, etc? Is it because I fall into a white-collar crime, rather than a street-type crime? Well, I know of others with similar offenses who are experiencing all levels of supervision anxiety. I do think that people who need to stay "clean" from drugs/alcohol would have a tough time if they are not in true recovery - or if they have to stay away from felons, but end up in a relationship with one (happens more often than you could imagine). These things brought people back to Carswell. I certainly have no plan to ever step foot in Texas again...

I'm just taking it all a day at a time and so life really is just full of those mundane daily observations of life. I have a pile of books I can't wait to read. I'm looking forward to finally seeing my father before he has yet another pet scan (his radiation treatment is just about ending - cancer still there, but is it growing?). I'm looking forward to the holidays and spending time with my family. I'm finally starting to make plans for the next steps in my life, and I think things are looking good.

However, right now, as you all know, I've been stressed. School has me full of angst. So much worry and trouble to get back in and I'm overwhelmed with the work I have to complete before this Wednesday - but it WILL be complete by Wednesday. The best thing my little look at my stats did for me was show me that someone was reading the blog and looking at my January, 2014 posts - so I was curious and went to the posts. I read about 4-5 of them, and I am fully grounded and back in the groove for the long haul now to just do the best I can do over the next 48 or so hours. Life is good. School is good. I am so grateful for everything and all the good that has come into my life this year. It's certainly been quite the year!!!! I needed that look back so that I can focus on what is before me right now.

I'm not sure who chose to be reading those posts and I know they had no idea that I would follow their link to them and start reading a couple from that time. I want to thank them, though, because they provided me the perspective I need to succeed and persevere through this very short stressful time. This blog has saved me so many times already, so I suppose it still has a purpose and as long as I have something to write, I will keep writing.