How do you ensure that you will cause major anxiety for over 550 inmates all at the same time? Let them find out through inmate.com, or ROY (rumor on the yard), that they are all being moved. Then start moving people, slowly, so that everyone starts to wonder, "When am I being moved?" "Who will my roommates be?" "Am I going to be on the first or second floor?" "Can I take my mattress with me?" The other anxiety is around, "I pray I will not be roomed with _______." Unfortunately, for me, I am already roomed with the people whose names fill in that blank. Everyone tells me that I need to get out of my room. If only it were that easy.
So, the anxiety of the "move" started just over a week ago. No staff person ever talked to those of us on 1 South - but they did talk with the people in the other unit that we are trading places with - 1 North. 1 North will become the chronic care unit and 1 South will be the programming unit. This requires moving just about every person in both units. At first, it seemed that people were getting new rooms and new roommates/bunkies. The first larger move started yesterday, 13 rooms on the first floor of 1 South were switched with 1 North. However, people were being moved into different room numbers and those of us left started doing the math... if they move the upper bunks this many people to the left and the lower bunks this many people to the right, my roommates/bunkie will be... We were all anxious and nervous. Everyone has at least one person they could never live with. There's also a lot of mental health issues with people in our unit. I certainly didn't want to be roomed with the woman who washes her clothes while taking a shower, brushes her hair over the trash bin, and dries her hair using the warm air coming off the large ice maker. I, also, didn't want to room with the woman who never stops talking at a very high tone which will wake us up very early each morning. I, also, wouldn't choose to room with the woman who wheezes so bad and loud while she snores, that you can hear it even when in the bathroom.
South moves today, and she is keeping her exact room number and roommates. They are happy. They all get along really, really well. Plus South and one of her roommates leave on February 10th. You would think they wouldn't want to move them to the new unit with them leaving so soon, but they are even moving a woman today who is already packed out and leaving Carswell on Monday. Everyone moves. Period.
The anxiety was over last night for myself and Lola. We both learned that we are moving on Monday (based on a posted list). We are both keeping our rooms and our roommates. Everyone said, "I'm so sorry," to me, while relieved that they were not picking up my bunkie. My bunkie gets a bad rap - she has a foul mouth and starts a lot of fights. But, she is also a nice woman if you don't get on her bad side. I pretty much do my best to stay out of her way and avoid any conflict. I can do that, I did it most of my life with others. I'm not going to worry about it. I can handle more of the same. I've learned to live here, this way. Different is scary, because different can be worse than things already are. In a weird way, I have gained the respect of both my roommates. They actually laugh at me when I swear, and always ask me how to spell words. They think I'm incredibly naive and narrow and don't belong in prison. I like that they think that way. To me, that's not an insult.
So, at 7:45 am on Monday, I will be moving from my current room to the room bearing the same number across the narrow hallway that separates 1N and 1S. It's a hallway we are not allowed down without permission and I've only been inside 1N on two occasions in the past. It looks a lot like 1S, but has something like 2 more rooms on each side. It is set up almost backwards from our unit. They've just redone the bathrooms/showers on the first floor (except for two showers from my understanding). I am looking forward to showering on a cleaner and newer surface (still wearing my shower shoes, of course).
As for the rest of my pals, like Nurse, Mama, and others, we do not yet know when they will be moving and if they will stay in their same rooms. They are in upstairs level rooms. Given how this move is going, anything is possible - it could be days, weeks, or months. They don't tell us anything. So, it just keeps the anxiety going for them. I'll miss having South in my unit for the weekend, but glad we will be together, once again, on Monday. My anxiety will be over, once my things are fully moved, and I'm laying back on my mattress, which I am taking with me.
A blog about a woman sentenced to one year and one day in a federal women's prison camp and was sent to FMC Carswell for a crime related to her history of compulsive gambling.
Highlights
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Friday, January 17, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
From Dragonfly: ACE
One way to keep yourself busy, while at Carswell, is to take ACE (Adult Continuing Education) courses. They are offered two ways, in six-one hour sessions (one night/week), or quick 1-2 hour video based classes. At the beginning of each class, all the students take a "pre-test" and at the end, the same test as a "post-test" gauging how much the student learned. If the student attends all the sessions and passes the post-test, they receive a certificate, which also grants them "sentry" points. Sentry points can be used to lower someone's security level, making them eligible for camp or a lower security facility at some point (if they start at a medium or low security level).
As a tutor, one of my functions is to teach ACE courses. Last round, I taught a U.S. Government course. I had about 10 students and I can verify that they all learned a lot about how the U.S. Government really works. At one point, I had all the students trying to pass bills/laws, and the students were the different branches of government. After 30 minutes, only 1 of four bills made it into law... just like the stalemate we often get in the real congress and government.
This time, I am teaching essay writing. I have ten students, again, all trying to understand the 5-paragraph essay, so that they can pass the writing sections of the GED. It's a lot of fun working with students on their writing. I love seeing their improvement over time... from not being able to write a sentence, to interesting full paragraphs. It just makes me smile when I can see a student "get it."
I think that the next session, I will be teaching employment skills. It's another topic I know fairly well. I look forward to helping others find some "hope" in finding work, now that they are stamped with "felon" across their forehead. I like a statement one of the teachers said to me. Forty doors may be shut in our faces, but that 41st door may just be open. The more employable we are, the more likely that door will be open, even though we are felons.
The best part of ACE classes, though, is that we can also take them. I teach my classes on Monday evenings, which allows me to sit in on others during the rest of the week. In the last session, I took a personal finance class. It was a requirement on my PSI, but it was interesting anyway. It definitely got me thinking about my finances once I actually hold money again. What does a 1 dollar bill look like? Hah, it's been so long since I've seen one.
This session of classes, though, I took two... one video one hour class, and one 6 week class. The video class I did with Lola and Freckles... believe it or not, it was called "Cruising Around the World." It had NOTHING to do with "cruises." There was no buffet. It was about places you can visit from the sea... it started in Nova Scotia (a place I can never visit since Canada is closed to all U.S. felons), went through the Caribbean, went to Guatamala, through the Panama Canal, and then up the Western Coast of North America, stopping in California and British Columbia before hitting Alaska. At each "stop," the video talked about the culture and people there and things that tourists can see and do. It was magnificent to see all the places. I've been to several of them, but the video really explained them in ways I never knew. I believe we all "passed" the post-test.
My other course this session is "Mental Math." Yes, after teaching math ALL day long, I chose to take a class about math at night. If you want to call me a "Nerd" that is perfectly fine with me. We've had two weeks so far (2 classes) and I've learned a great way to multiply 11 by any number in my head (up to four digit numbers). Very cool. I have also learned quick ways to do other multiplications, subtractions, etc., all in seconds in my brain. Some of the "tricks" seem to work great for me, and other's just slow me down. But, it is a really cool class. I'm taking many of the tricks and teaching them to the students I work with. I look forward to seeing the next four evenings of math tricks as the class continues. They just announced a "Mental Math 2" course for next session. I will definitely be there once again.
As a tutor, one of my functions is to teach ACE courses. Last round, I taught a U.S. Government course. I had about 10 students and I can verify that they all learned a lot about how the U.S. Government really works. At one point, I had all the students trying to pass bills/laws, and the students were the different branches of government. After 30 minutes, only 1 of four bills made it into law... just like the stalemate we often get in the real congress and government.
This time, I am teaching essay writing. I have ten students, again, all trying to understand the 5-paragraph essay, so that they can pass the writing sections of the GED. It's a lot of fun working with students on their writing. I love seeing their improvement over time... from not being able to write a sentence, to interesting full paragraphs. It just makes me smile when I can see a student "get it."
I think that the next session, I will be teaching employment skills. It's another topic I know fairly well. I look forward to helping others find some "hope" in finding work, now that they are stamped with "felon" across their forehead. I like a statement one of the teachers said to me. Forty doors may be shut in our faces, but that 41st door may just be open. The more employable we are, the more likely that door will be open, even though we are felons.
The best part of ACE classes, though, is that we can also take them. I teach my classes on Monday evenings, which allows me to sit in on others during the rest of the week. In the last session, I took a personal finance class. It was a requirement on my PSI, but it was interesting anyway. It definitely got me thinking about my finances once I actually hold money again. What does a 1 dollar bill look like? Hah, it's been so long since I've seen one.
This session of classes, though, I took two... one video one hour class, and one 6 week class. The video class I did with Lola and Freckles... believe it or not, it was called "Cruising Around the World." It had NOTHING to do with "cruises." There was no buffet. It was about places you can visit from the sea... it started in Nova Scotia (a place I can never visit since Canada is closed to all U.S. felons), went through the Caribbean, went to Guatamala, through the Panama Canal, and then up the Western Coast of North America, stopping in California and British Columbia before hitting Alaska. At each "stop," the video talked about the culture and people there and things that tourists can see and do. It was magnificent to see all the places. I've been to several of them, but the video really explained them in ways I never knew. I believe we all "passed" the post-test.
My other course this session is "Mental Math." Yes, after teaching math ALL day long, I chose to take a class about math at night. If you want to call me a "Nerd" that is perfectly fine with me. We've had two weeks so far (2 classes) and I've learned a great way to multiply 11 by any number in my head (up to four digit numbers). Very cool. I have also learned quick ways to do other multiplications, subtractions, etc., all in seconds in my brain. Some of the "tricks" seem to work great for me, and other's just slow me down. But, it is a really cool class. I'm taking many of the tricks and teaching them to the students I work with. I look forward to seeing the next four evenings of math tricks as the class continues. They just announced a "Mental Math 2" course for next session. I will definitely be there once again.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
From Dragonfly: Wheelchair Games
Carswell is filled with people who need assistance with getting around. If you looked at my unit, you would see nearly a walker or wheelchair for just about every first floor room (and some of the upper floor rooms too!). People need them for different reasons - advanced arthritis, autoimmune conditions, diabetes, inability for standing long periods, missing limbs (yes, there are many, many people here with one or both legs amputated), cancer, well, you get the idea. People here have REAL health issues and the devices help make their lives a little easier. Most of the women utilizing these walking/moving aids, control them themselves. There are no electric wheelchairs that I've seen, rather they are all manual. So, for those that can't control the manual chairs themselves, they have INA's (nursing aids) who push them around the facility. The INA's are inmates as well, but they wear a maroon smock over their uniform to indicate their job. Not only do they do the wheel chair pushing, but INA's help with sponge baths, bathroom visits, etc. It's a very important job, for the people with enough patience, as so many women are aging. In some ways, this facility is also a prison nursing home.
Back to the wheelchairs, though. Most of the wheelchairs are self operated. The vast majority of women move themselves by walking their chairs, while seated in the chair. Imagine a chair low enough to the ground so that their feet can walk it. I barely ever see a woman using the wheels to guide themselves. Ironically, some of the women in wheelchairs seem to have the ability to RUN their chairs when they need to. They stand behind their chairs and run with them empty, in order to get themselves better placement in the pill line. Yes, the pill line can be a 2-3 hour wait, but "really" running your wheelchair?!?! I could understand a walker, maybe, but if you can run, while pushing your chair, are you really "needing" that chair? Okay, I would probably need one of the walkers with a "seat" on it if I had to be at pill line, but I promise you, I would NOT be running with the walker. In fact, I cannot run at all. There are many, many women here who NEED their wheelchairs, but I must say that the first time you see someone running with their wheelchair, you would laugh as well. When you see all the women moving around in their chair by "walking" them, you would laugh. This is one weird place.
The wheelchair "games" don't stop there, though. Even those being pushed by INA's can be a sight. Sometimes the INA is pushing the chair so fast, that people literally have to jump out of the way in the hall, or they will be run over. I know a woman who needed back surgery after being hit by a woman in a wheelchair. Another woman I know has three broken bones in her foot because an INA rolled a chair, with a rather large woman in it, right over her foot. Three broken bones!!!! She is now looking at surgery, rather than going to a halfway house or getting out of here before she maxes out later this year.
On the positive side, Carswell does cater to those in a wheelchair in some ways. Last weekend, women got to enjoy wheelchair bowling in the rec. There are wheelchair aerobics as well.
Interestingly, there are no accessible doors here, though. There are no blue buttons that magically open doors (probably because the doors have to be locked so often during closed move or something like that). It is sad watching women try to maneuver their chairs through heavy doors that they also need to hold open for themselves. I am very aware of the issues, as I spent more than 6 months last year on crutches and longer on a cane. Over the years, I have spent some time (not a lot thank God) using a wheel chair. It's really hard in inaccessible places. The funny thing is that it's federal law that every public accommodation has to be accessible under the ADA, but in a federal facility...
They are considering those in chairs in this supposed upcoming move, however. My understanding is that one of the reasons they are moving all the medical people from 1South to 1North is because the first floor bathrooms in 1South are about to be worked on and everyone would have to walk upstairs during that time. I guess the 1North bathrooms are just about redone. So, it's a good thing that everyone will have accessibility to bathrooms and showers. I can't imagine trying to figure out living here while also being in a wheelchair. When I think of all the things I am grateful for, being able to walk on my own is definitely one of those things. I may have a limp, but I am walking.
Honestly, I don't hear people in wheelchairs, here, complain much about the predicament. We all have to come to acceptance at some time, and being here in lines all the time, makes having a walking/moving aid just that much more valuable. Even South has a walker (with a seat) now. She does not need to use it much. On commissary days, and days where she needs to be in long lines, you will see her pushing it around the compound. Sometimes, we all need a little help. Let's just keep out of the way of the wheelchair games!
Back to the wheelchairs, though. Most of the wheelchairs are self operated. The vast majority of women move themselves by walking their chairs, while seated in the chair. Imagine a chair low enough to the ground so that their feet can walk it. I barely ever see a woman using the wheels to guide themselves. Ironically, some of the women in wheelchairs seem to have the ability to RUN their chairs when they need to. They stand behind their chairs and run with them empty, in order to get themselves better placement in the pill line. Yes, the pill line can be a 2-3 hour wait, but "really" running your wheelchair?!?! I could understand a walker, maybe, but if you can run, while pushing your chair, are you really "needing" that chair? Okay, I would probably need one of the walkers with a "seat" on it if I had to be at pill line, but I promise you, I would NOT be running with the walker. In fact, I cannot run at all. There are many, many women here who NEED their wheelchairs, but I must say that the first time you see someone running with their wheelchair, you would laugh as well. When you see all the women moving around in their chair by "walking" them, you would laugh. This is one weird place.
The wheelchair "games" don't stop there, though. Even those being pushed by INA's can be a sight. Sometimes the INA is pushing the chair so fast, that people literally have to jump out of the way in the hall, or they will be run over. I know a woman who needed back surgery after being hit by a woman in a wheelchair. Another woman I know has three broken bones in her foot because an INA rolled a chair, with a rather large woman in it, right over her foot. Three broken bones!!!! She is now looking at surgery, rather than going to a halfway house or getting out of here before she maxes out later this year.
On the positive side, Carswell does cater to those in a wheelchair in some ways. Last weekend, women got to enjoy wheelchair bowling in the rec. There are wheelchair aerobics as well.
Interestingly, there are no accessible doors here, though. There are no blue buttons that magically open doors (probably because the doors have to be locked so often during closed move or something like that). It is sad watching women try to maneuver their chairs through heavy doors that they also need to hold open for themselves. I am very aware of the issues, as I spent more than 6 months last year on crutches and longer on a cane. Over the years, I have spent some time (not a lot thank God) using a wheel chair. It's really hard in inaccessible places. The funny thing is that it's federal law that every public accommodation has to be accessible under the ADA, but in a federal facility...
They are considering those in chairs in this supposed upcoming move, however. My understanding is that one of the reasons they are moving all the medical people from 1South to 1North is because the first floor bathrooms in 1South are about to be worked on and everyone would have to walk upstairs during that time. I guess the 1North bathrooms are just about redone. So, it's a good thing that everyone will have accessibility to bathrooms and showers. I can't imagine trying to figure out living here while also being in a wheelchair. When I think of all the things I am grateful for, being able to walk on my own is definitely one of those things. I may have a limp, but I am walking.
Honestly, I don't hear people in wheelchairs, here, complain much about the predicament. We all have to come to acceptance at some time, and being here in lines all the time, makes having a walking/moving aid just that much more valuable. Even South has a walker (with a seat) now. She does not need to use it much. On commissary days, and days where she needs to be in long lines, you will see her pushing it around the compound. Sometimes, we all need a little help. Let's just keep out of the way of the wheelchair games!
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
From Dragonfly: Reaching Out
One of the tenants of my recovery program is to help others. Those "others" don't have to be in recovery as well, it's just a way to connect with people and realize that we make ourselves happy when we make someone else happy. One of my friends here is having a real hard time with things right now. She is facing several years. Most of us will be gone before her, even though our "crimes" are not all that dissimilar from one another. She "HATES" it here (her words). I understand her feelings and her inability to see anything good out of this place. I wish I had something to magically take her pain away, but I am not a genie and this is definitely not a fairy tale.
So, I told her that we were going to make a "grateful" list. She didn't want to "play." I named things I am grateful for, "shoes on my feet, food in my stomach, a mattress, sunshine, ..." She still did not want to play. But I kept going, "friends, not having to be alone on my birthday coming up, ability to buy things in commissary, deodorant..." Finally, she piped in and said something sarcastic. It was movement in the right direction.
In my room, I read my daily reading and it was all about "connecting to others" and how our connection with people is what can bring us peace and purpose. I read it out loud to my friend. Tears welled up in her eyes. I know, she knows, that the thing we are most grateful for are those few hours of sitting around with our friends acting "normal," like playing scrabble, or filling out a crossword, or sharing a meal. She says that she never cries here, but I've made her cry three times. Each time was about my telling her things like, "you have to forgive yourself," "you are a good person," "there is a future when all of this is over," "other people's opinions do not matter, what matters is your own opinion of yourself," the serenity prayer, and things like that. All of which I believe. I assured her that I am her friend. I gave her a chocolate bar (that brought a little smile). Seeing her come out of her head and all the negativity is so rewarding. By the end of yesterday, my friend was her old self again. Perhaps, a little sadder than usual, but we all have those days here.
In other news, Star's baby was born on Friday and I just saw her for the first time since. It's weird to not see her "baby bump." The baby was born with Star's color hair and he is going home from the hospital today or tomorrow. He is healthy, but they needed to keep an eye on him for a couple reasons early on. Star says that the hospital treated her great, although once the baby was born, she was shackled to the hospital bed. An officer was with her the entire time. She did eat better food. Sad to think that hospital food is better than what we get here, but there you go... She said she enjoyed a real turkey sandwich. That sounds good! Star's parents and oldest daughter are heading to Fort Worth today to pick up the baby. He will live with them until her release, which is just over one month from now. Actually, she is moving in with her parents upon release to get herself and her children settled. She is very lucky that her parents are supporting her and taking care of her children.
Yesterday, after our workday was done, I was in my bed waiting for 4pm count, when I realized, "oh my god, it's Monday, I teach Monday nights." I, luckily, had plenty of time to prepare and the class went well. It says a lot when the students are not interested in leaving at the end of the hour! One of the things I love about teaching is seeing the "spark" in the students as they "get it." I had them all write a paragraph last night and they didn't even realize it until it was done, because we literally wrote it one sentence at a time. But they all did it, and they all wrote GOOD paragraphs!!
We are just about half way through my sentence (with good time)... 5 months is within the next week. I guess that means I'm about to get over the "hump" of being here. There's no way of knowing what the second half of this experience will be like, but I'm glad I get to connect with my people back home and I promise to try and write more often to them... for some reason, writing the same thing over and over again gets difficult. There's just not much to share. I do love reading about their lives, though, which they continue to send me in letters all the time!! I guess it's their version of "reaching out" and it is sooooo appreciated!!!
So, I told her that we were going to make a "grateful" list. She didn't want to "play." I named things I am grateful for, "shoes on my feet, food in my stomach, a mattress, sunshine, ..." She still did not want to play. But I kept going, "friends, not having to be alone on my birthday coming up, ability to buy things in commissary, deodorant..." Finally, she piped in and said something sarcastic. It was movement in the right direction.
In my room, I read my daily reading and it was all about "connecting to others" and how our connection with people is what can bring us peace and purpose. I read it out loud to my friend. Tears welled up in her eyes. I know, she knows, that the thing we are most grateful for are those few hours of sitting around with our friends acting "normal," like playing scrabble, or filling out a crossword, or sharing a meal. She says that she never cries here, but I've made her cry three times. Each time was about my telling her things like, "you have to forgive yourself," "you are a good person," "there is a future when all of this is over," "other people's opinions do not matter, what matters is your own opinion of yourself," the serenity prayer, and things like that. All of which I believe. I assured her that I am her friend. I gave her a chocolate bar (that brought a little smile). Seeing her come out of her head and all the negativity is so rewarding. By the end of yesterday, my friend was her old self again. Perhaps, a little sadder than usual, but we all have those days here.
In other news, Star's baby was born on Friday and I just saw her for the first time since. It's weird to not see her "baby bump." The baby was born with Star's color hair and he is going home from the hospital today or tomorrow. He is healthy, but they needed to keep an eye on him for a couple reasons early on. Star says that the hospital treated her great, although once the baby was born, she was shackled to the hospital bed. An officer was with her the entire time. She did eat better food. Sad to think that hospital food is better than what we get here, but there you go... She said she enjoyed a real turkey sandwich. That sounds good! Star's parents and oldest daughter are heading to Fort Worth today to pick up the baby. He will live with them until her release, which is just over one month from now. Actually, she is moving in with her parents upon release to get herself and her children settled. She is very lucky that her parents are supporting her and taking care of her children.
Yesterday, after our workday was done, I was in my bed waiting for 4pm count, when I realized, "oh my god, it's Monday, I teach Monday nights." I, luckily, had plenty of time to prepare and the class went well. It says a lot when the students are not interested in leaving at the end of the hour! One of the things I love about teaching is seeing the "spark" in the students as they "get it." I had them all write a paragraph last night and they didn't even realize it until it was done, because we literally wrote it one sentence at a time. But they all did it, and they all wrote GOOD paragraphs!!
We are just about half way through my sentence (with good time)... 5 months is within the next week. I guess that means I'm about to get over the "hump" of being here. There's no way of knowing what the second half of this experience will be like, but I'm glad I get to connect with my people back home and I promise to try and write more often to them... for some reason, writing the same thing over and over again gets difficult. There's just not much to share. I do love reading about their lives, though, which they continue to send me in letters all the time!! I guess it's their version of "reaching out" and it is sooooo appreciated!!!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
From Dragonfly: Wrong Side of the Bed
Some days I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Today, was one of those days. I don't mean that I woke up all the way pressed up to the cinder block wall (which I was), but rather, somehow I did not wake up cheery eyed and in the best mind-set. Last night, I had a dream about school. I was happy in my dream and I was back doing what I love. But, then I woke up, and the reality hit me instantly --- I am no longer a student. I may never be a student again. And then the next thought hit me like a ton of bricks --- my past advisor informing me that she went to "bat" to allow a student, accused of and jailed for, having a relationship with someone underage --- who was allowed back into the program. So, I am, in her book, and perhaps the university's, worse than a sex offender. Okay, I know this goes a bit too far, but we all know, we do not think rationally the minute we wake up. So, I rolled over, and I tried to put positive thoughts into my head. I said the serenity prayer numerous times. I thought about all those things and people I am grateful for. And then, I just decided to get up and watch the news, where I saw a news story about a young boy with rapidly aging disease who died at the age of 17. Perspective, right? He was an amazing young man, whose parents would do anything and everything to slow down the progression of his debilitating disease, but in the end, he was unable to become a young adult. I don't care what side of the bed I wake in, it's a choice for me to try to see each day as a promise of hope. I am in a lot better shape and circumstances than many, many people in this world. Sometimes our minds play tricks on us and try to take us down, but we have a choice. To me, it may not have been a pleasant morning, but I am going to make the best of this day. I started by eating a decent breakfast and having a V-8. (I didn't want to go through the day thinking, "I could've had a V-8!"). I will play some scrabble this afternoon with the set in our unit - it has missing tiles, which we made little cardboard squares for and ensured we had all our playing pieces. You've never seen a sadder scrabble set, but we still get to play. South acts as our scrabble dictionary - what she says goes. Later, I will do my laundry, and 'choose' to not let the laundry politics get to me. Tonight is taco salad for dinner - one of my faves both inside and outside of prison. It tastes better on the outside, but I will enjoy it nonetheless. I will read my new Reader's Digest and do some crosswords in my new crossword book. I will sit outside with friends - in 74 degree weather - in the middle of January! - and gain some vitamin D. So, I may have started my day in anger, but I am filling it with things that may bring me a little joy. I will not let anxiety take me down.
I will admit that it's hard sometimes. When one day looks just like the day before and we know that tomorrow will look just like today. There will be no "good" surprises. Prison is just a test in how much "same" one can get used to. But, my birthday is coming up soon. My mom, stepdad, and SIL will be visiting me next weekend. I have some "good" heading my way. That is enough to hold onto. I cherish the moments of "difference" here and that helps get through the mundane. We can actually choose whether we wake up on the "wrong side of the bed" or if we just have to work a little harder to get outside our negativity and see the potential of each and every day. As always, the serenity prayer helps guide my thoughts in that direction. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I will admit that it's hard sometimes. When one day looks just like the day before and we know that tomorrow will look just like today. There will be no "good" surprises. Prison is just a test in how much "same" one can get used to. But, my birthday is coming up soon. My mom, stepdad, and SIL will be visiting me next weekend. I have some "good" heading my way. That is enough to hold onto. I cherish the moments of "difference" here and that helps get through the mundane. We can actually choose whether we wake up on the "wrong side of the bed" or if we just have to work a little harder to get outside our negativity and see the potential of each and every day. As always, the serenity prayer helps guide my thoughts in that direction. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.