One Year

I've been out of prison a year. In that time, I had the shortest stay possible at a halfway house, a month of home confinement, fought my way back into graduate school, been successful on federal supervision, attended many GA meetings and conferences, survived a wrongful accusation at school, moved, adopted a new puppy, written hundreds of posts, rebuilt relationships, been challenged, grown emotionally, changed my diet, started vlogging, seen a myriad of doctors, laid my grandmother to rest, nearly lost my father again, found strength I didn't know I had, leaned on others, helped others, etc. It has been quite a year!

I've certainly learned what friendship really means. Every relationship in my life has shifted and is valued more. 

I really work on my judgments of others, as I do not want to be judged! I do my best to try to understand first, hearing both sides, except where there is violence. I have a hard time when physical/sexual violence is involved.

I'm also a pretty open book. I tell my story openly. I don't want a double life ever again, so it's just so much easier not fearing the truth. This is me! I am a felon. I am a compulsive gambler in recovery. My job now is to help others like me and pay forward all the advice and gifts given my way.

I still have prison dreams. Not often, but they happen. They are not realistic. I'm okay with them. It's always good to be reminded of where you never want to return. I did not need to go there to keep me from gambling again or from doing something illegal, but going there opened my eyes to a very unforgiving world that few people really understand and so many people get lost within. My hope is to do something about that!

This summer I am doing an independent study with a professor. We are writing a paper around sexuality and gender in the women's prison system. Right now, I am reading everything I can find around transgender inmates at women's prisons, as well as anything academic on same-sex sexuality and relationships. Based on my observations compared to what I'm academically reading, there may be a big gap between what academics think is happening and what really is. Could be interesting to explore further.

So, one year. One year of comfortable sleep. No chasing medications. Driving a car. Work I love. Wearing my own clothes. Money in my pocket. Hugging people when I want. Using a smart phone. Cooking on a stove. Not seeing barbed wire. Using the restroom when I want. No standing count. Not paying for every minute I write on here. Spending time with loved ones. One year!!!

Thank you all for being a part of this last year too! Thank you for continuing to read this blog, and making comments when you do! I love my community and you all are a part of it!!! Who knows what year two will be?!? My hope is that I will be getting off supervision. I'll just take it one day at a time!!!