A New Car

Knew that title would get your attention. No, I did not purchase a new car. Sporty leased a new car yesterday. She knew the kind of car she wanted and what she wanted to spend, but like me, anytime something financial is about to occur she gets a little nervous.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned, but I'm pretty sure I have, I met Sporty 6 1/2 years ago in GA. Like me, she was devastated financially, as well as in most areas of her life. Like me, she surrendered to recovery and has done an incredible job rebuilding nearly every aspect of her life. I'm incredibly proud of her. We were not ready for a forever relationship when entering GA. We couldn't even take care of ourselves, with hard work we are now in totally different places.

This doesn't stop us from getting nervous every time we need to qualify for any type of financial product. When gambling, most gamblers ruin their credit either during their gambling or immediately after when they find themselves with so much debt there is no real way to climb out except the long, hard way. Credit scores often plummet and then there's a long road to credit recovery. Which is good, because it is a reminder of the damage we did to ourselves.

Sporty and I sat quietly as the car dealership went and ran her credit. We knew that all the numbers already presented to us meant nothing without qualifying. ALL WAS GOOD! Yay! Unlike so many that have to go with high interest loans and subpar lenders, Sporty was approved for her financing at a low interest at the lowest monthly payments possible. That's a true sign of continued growth and recovery. 

It doesn't happen right away on the first round of things when you enter recovery. The last car was at a higher rate, but was paid off in due time. This all takes time and patience. People who want all the good things in life without any work on their part will live beyond their means and get right back in debt. It's important to live within a budget and plan accordingly. 

I am just proud of Sporty. It was a celebratory day yesterday. Plus, I had the good fortune of driving the new car for part of the ride back to my parents house. It's a great car. Here's to many happy and safe years in the new car. It is a true beauty.

The Realities of Change

It's not until we are within difference that we can actually see that life has really changed. As you all know, I love my family. I love my mom. I have struggled with my relationship in the past with my mom, but I have always loved her deeply. In recovery, it has been much easier, as I stopped with so many expectations and just started being her daughter. I started getting to know my mom for who she is, and I started to let her know me - for better or worse.

The good news is that over the past several years it appears to be for better. My mom and I have developed a good, honest relationship. My honesty may not be what she is used to, but she seems to accept it in me. We enjoy our time together. We can spend entire days together and have good conversations and not run out of things to talk about. These are things that we didn't do in the past. We just had nothing in common. I never felt as if she wanted to spend time with me.

Today, mom and I spent the day doing real mother/daughter stuff. At the end, we were still happy, talking, and enjoying one another's company. It means so much to me. It shows how much I have changed and how much our relationship has grown.

When I started my recovery journey, I never knew that it would change every aspect of my life. I only thought that I had a gambling problem... a financial problem. Reality is that addiction starts from  somewhere and in the end affects every aspect of our lives. Recovery, amazingly, can also affect every aspect of our lives. There is very little about my life that looks the same as it did when I gambled. I'm the same person, but who I am, how I look at things, and especially my relationships with others, are all different. Today I am grateful for my relationship with my mom.

Spring Break

So far I have been to a GA meeting, visited with several GA friends, spent time with my mother, walked a mall, taken a nap, fixed my parents computer, gone grocery shopping, watched four episodes of Parenthood, had brunch with my step-grandfather, and watched tv with my stepdad. My first two days of spring break are going pretty well!

I'm really not used to having so much free time. I feel like I should be opening my statistics textbook or writing my weekly reading summary. I've been balancing so many things, I didn't realize how much I needed a breather. Even my thesis can wait a couple days. I just want to concentrate on me and my health.

For the next two days, I will be with Survivor. I just look forward to some unstructured time with her. We don't get enough of that. It's her birthday today - Happy Birthday Survivor!!!!!

All the people I've spent time with these last couple days have said - "you seem really happy." I really am. I still am. All those ups and downs I write about have nothing on my overall serenity. I'm really good. Life is good. Once you stop looking for perfection and start being grateful for everything in your life, it's so much easier to be happy.