Today, I do a decent job of maintaining life on my budget, keeping a nice home, a clean car, being organized, etc. To me, these are signs of maturity. However, I am currently having to turn everything over to someone else - Survivor takes my bills and budget; my parents take over my car lease; Sporty is taking all my furniture and belongings; T.S. is taking Hope (my motor scooter); I'm leaving the apartment I love; Traveler is taking on my school email and school registration/ financial aid needs; Sporty is taking my general mail (other than bills that go to Survivor); I lose my health insurance; I cancel my renters, car, and scooter insurance; my medical bills go unpaid because I simply don't have enough money; I lose my job that I love and have to help hire my replacement; Survivor is taking on keeping this blog going by sharing updates from me; etc.
I just realized that I don't have anyone checking my non-school email yet. Always good to make lists.
Anyway, all my ways of being mature are now being stripped away from me for 10 months. To me, this makes little sense. They should be teaching us responsibility in prison, not slugging off all our responsibilities on other people.
I find the process of giving up all my responsibilities daunting and very difficult. I'm proud that my checkbook balances these days and that I was able to be approved for a decent leased car. Now I need to give up these things and let go of the control and just trust. I've learned to trust as well. It's hard though and I will not allow it to be an excuse to become immature or irresponsible.
I'm also making these people my proxies, in the sense that I am responsible for their decisions. So, I cannot get mad at them after the fact if I do not like a decision they made. It is a consequence of my being in prison, which is a consequence of my past criminal behavior from compulsive gambling.
Dragonfly,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your blog - it's been very interesting to read and I wish you best of luck in navigating the upcoming year.
I do have a suggestion for your medical bills. If possible, have your money manager send something, even $5, each month to your medical creditors with a note that you know you owe a bill but are out of commission for 9 months. Send the same note every month if it's easier. Express your intent to keep making monthly payments to them and that you will call them in 9-10 months when you are able to work again and pay more. This may not keep everything out of collections, but many, many providers will work with you and wait if they see you making an effort every month. You may be able to avoid some credit damage by doing this. Of course, you may not even have $5, but if you do, it's worth a try.
Best of luck.