2.5 Hours of Freedom

I slept. Some. I meditated. Some. I dreamed. Some. I thought about words I didn't yet say and people I hadn't reached out to and yesterday's advice from the correctional officer and how bizarre and amazing that we had that moment with the correctional officer and the number of times Survivor and I have gotten lost in the 48 hours since arriving and how almost no restaurants were open on a Sunday night (not even McDonald's) and my sadness at turning in the handbook project not quite complete and that this motel lied about having free wifi if it goes in and out every other minute and how I will take a shower if I can't buy shower shoes for a couple days and ...

I think my ADD comes out especially strong at moments of high stress. At the same time, though, I'm resting comfortably and I did send one last message to some of my close friends:

"Never think I wouldn't be happy to hear about the good things in your lives because of where I will be. Also, never think that you can not complain to me because of it either. Remember that I am not the center of the universe. I hope you all will share with me your ups and downs. I care about you all (okay, some of you a little more than others - ha). I am and will be okay! I have all the tools of my recovery program to get me through this and I am not alone. I am going in with an army fighting for me at every second. If someone starts in on me, I truly believe that all I need to do is close my eyes and you all will be in my head calming me, holding me, loving me, patching me up, and helping me as if you could step outside my dreams. The scary inside those gates have nothing on the calm and love you all have shown me throughout this ordeal."

I share this because I believe it to be true and I never want my friends to feel that they cannot be whole with me because of my situation. My imprisonment is only temporary and my friendships and love, hopefully, are permanent.