More Reveals

I'm not sure I could've made myself busier this last week before incarceration. It wasn't necessarily intentional, yet I need to squeeze so much in. It also means a constant announcement of my taking a leave of absence, which may or may not include the reasons. I had three notable reveals today.

First, I've been working alongside a colleague on an independent study all summer that we presented to our supervising professor today. The professor seemed interested in taking our work further - publications, conferences, classes. I revealed my leave for personal reasons and she asked no questions (very professional). It was agreed we would all pick it back up next summer. Something to come back to!

Second, today was my final pre-prison doctor appointment. It was with my Rhumatologist (who really guides most of my medication). My doctor's role is to be my advocate, so I made it clear that I really wanted to talk to her directly and not just a P.A. or assistant and I didn't want any of the young note takers in the room.  I was accommodated. I explained the circumstances of why I am going to prison and why they are putting me in FMC Carswell. I talked specifically about the need to have her notes specify my necessary medications, what medications have not worked, and why I'm on the meds I am on. Finally, they listed my necessary accommodations- bottom bunk because I have horrible stiffness in morning and a top bunk would be dangerous; soft shoe exception because of my lower extremity swelling and Achilles issues; standing limitation of 10 minutes; walking limitation of 2 blocks;... I also have my necessary blood tests and frequency marked as well as the fact that I'm immuno-compromised. It's important this all come from the docs and advocates. I can't be my own advocate if I don't want to be seen as a troublemaker, but I will make sure I don't regress in my health condition best I can.

Finally, I ended the day at an orientation. I am working all week as an educator for new teaching assistants at my university. The head of the program is an assistant dean I highly regard at my institution. As we were leaving for the night, I intended to just inform her that I am taking leave for personal reasons. Well, it turns out, the gossip group I've blogged about earlier has spread to faculty and administrators and she was on the receiving end this weekend. However, she was not judgmental. She was concerned for my well-being and impressed that I selected to still participate in the program this week. I explained that I wanted my last week to be doing what I love and she was glad to have me. I'm at a major institution of higher education and while I know I will not always get support from everyone, the fact that so many key professors and even administrators support me is giving me so much hope for a future that allows me to finish my PhD and follow my dreams - even if people know my past.

We can live in fear of our past and of revealing our truth, but then we never will know who our true friends really are and we won't have the advocates we need when or if we need them. Stop wearing shame and instead wear responsibility. Stop wearing blame and instead wear acceptance.