Serenity Prayer

Today was one of those days where I had to keep reminding myself to refocus my energy and thoughts to those things I can actually change. Which is very little - since we cannot change people, places or things - no matter how much we try. If I'm actually able to stop trying to manipulate things I have no control over, I am able to be much more content and grounded. Being human, though, seems to lean to wanting people to act a specific way, having expectations even when we never voice them, and believing our own way is the right and best way. We waste so much time worrying or upset because things don't go according to our plan, people don't have the power to read our thoughts, and no one wants to follow our lead. Instead we need to focus on ourselves, flexibility, open mindlessness, and willingness to sometimes listen to others, to sometimes follow instead of lead, and to be clear about our own needs and desires.

Even when practicing these principles, it still hurts when someone harms you by their actions. It is still hard at times to fully acknowledge our needs until we know they are not being met. It's still hard to follow when we know our idea may work better.

Today was hard for all these reasons for me. The important thing is that I was able to deal with them without causing any further harm to myself or others. I will be able to sleep tonight. That's important as well.

There was good today as well. I received a top notch work evaluation and a pretty convincing invitation back as long as I am back next summer in time. My coworkers took me to lunch as well. My supervisor tried to give me $50 cash, but I refused it. She kept pushing, but I said my appreciation and told her that I could not accept the money. She was disappointed, but I knew I was doing right. I have her a huge hug for everything and that ended my job. I guess I'm officially unemployed. My class ended too, I guess I'm losing most my identities and soon to just be known as, "inmate."

5 days til self surrender