From Dragonfly: And Then There Were 5?

Well, not exactly, at least not yet. Although, in a couple days we will know for sure. Another one of my roommates is in trouble. This is an individual who has been in trouble in the past as well. She will know whether they are putting her in the SHU (again) within a day or two. It may sound like the numbers in my room are dwindling, but a bus with 30 new inmates will show up tomorrow and we will be filled once again. That happens here every week day. If a lot of people leave, a lot more people come. It is a revolving door in more ways than one. There simply are not enough places to put all the female inmates in the U.S. A new facility just opened in Alabama, but it is a low secured facility - best for people who are categorized as "low." Minimums would have to request it, and health issues are a no-no. Health issues come here, to Carswell, nowhere else. Period. I hear they are switching the Danbury women's facility to all men. Women are being shipped (sounds like cargo...kind of is like cargo) to Alabama and elsewhere in the country. Many far away from their homes, family, and friends. There are far more men's facilities than women's. Men are much more likely to be within 500 miles of home. Women do not necessarily get that accommodation. On visitation days, too few women here have visitors - their families are just too far away to visit. Only one of my roommates has had a visitor since arriving here. She's been here 10 years, so visitations are still rare for her.

Today is a federal holiday, Labor Day. We are allowed to not be in our uniforms today (we wear our uniforms M-F) and most of us are off from work. Not the grounds folks, they still need to clean. I swear, the front lobby of the main building is mopped about 10x every day. It must be the cleanest lobby in America. When a federal holiday occurs, everyone talks about one thing - the 'special' meal. Will it be corn dogs? Will it be something else? Anything different than the ordinary on the menu is exciting to the masses here. Lines are long into the Chow Hall. This morning's special thing was bananas. I didn't go to breakfast to see the masses going crazy for bananas this morning. I will start my meals today with lunch. My unit came in dead last this week with inspection, so while some units head to lunch around 11:15am, my unit will head out around 12:45pm. They are already cleaning the chow hall when we get seated. We are rushed. This is why inspection is so important, I suppose. I think, aside from the 'relationships' formed with one another, food is the next important activity here. Plus, it is not against the rules (like relationships are). I made a big choice yesterday, and chose to not eat the kosher food. It would have been sardines for lunch and spaghetti again for dinner. That would be 5 days in a row. They are out of everything. Instead, I had a real brunch (with eggs and sausage) and I had roast beef for dinner. I just ate the protein off each of the meals. I have been craving protein!! I already have been talking with the Chaplains office about the Kosher fare, so I'll talk with them again tomorrow. I think my days of being Kosher are coming to an end. I can manage keeping myself healthy on the self-select line (one line you just get served everything on the main menu, the self-select line give you options of food and sides) of the main fare. At least, I think I can. One day at a time on this one. I have no great excitement on what today's meals will include. Food has no meaning except sustenance for me here. None of it is that great.

A real check-in on how I am "doing." Well, I've just finished my first 14 days away. I cried only once. I find my escape by reading (a lot) and doing crosswords. I often wish I could make my bunk into a crate - kind of like dogs have - a crate for privacy and safety. When I've trained dogs in the past, I always crate trained them. The crate becomes their room and dogs often look to it as where they will go when they are scared, tired, etc. For me, I would like to enclose my bottom bunk on 3 sides so that I, too, have a real place away from the chaos that exists beyond it. But, I cannot. I still wake up and wonder if it was all just a dream and I am home, but we know I never am home (only in my dreams which are frequent). From the moment I arrived, my head is only on how to get out of here legitimately as soon as possible, with my sanity, and in one piece. It seems to be the best way to focus on the positive. I am sleeping. I am eating. I am doing the best I can. I think that is as much as anyone can hope for.