From Dragonfly: Finding Community

I just had lunch with several women - all here for the same reason as me --- meaning camp eligible, but at Carswell for medical reasons. We all are educated as well. It is hard not to notice the discrepancies we have from those who are also camp eligible, but without health related issues. They go to camps - without secured fencing, without being inside with people who are violent offenders, etc. Here, we are treated the same as a murderer, a gun trader, a gang leader. We are no different, except, we are scared. We are not violent people, yet put into a violent world. Also, we all have the same stories around our health care. We are here due to our health, but none of us have all our medications we need, none of us are being accommodated appropriately. We, instead, find ourselves more ill than when we came, unable to get the specialized care we had when we were living our lives. Yes, we made mistakes and we are felons, but we have different level prisons for a reason - here, everyone is treated like a violent offender. One woman said that it's kind of like we are the "experiments," to see how long they can put us under this kind of stress without "breaking" or becoming someone/something more violent or angry. There is something just not right about being treated as "less than" for the simple reason of health. Many women here also get denied going home or to halfway houses because of their health, which means that the invalids are imprisoned longer than the healthy. Once again, something is wrong about that picture. If I were healthy, I would most likely be at Alderson and be getting ready for time in a halfway house and/or home confinement. Since I happen to have an autoimmune condition, I am in a heavily secured environment and the likelihood of my going to a halfway house and/or home confinement is substantially diminished (yet, I could get better health care if I were home and able to go back to school). Who is being punished and for what reasons? As of right now, two of my most important medications are denied to me because they are not in the formulary. The most important, Enbrel, is the medication that FINALLY helped me become somewhat capable of getting through days without substantial fatigue and pain. Not having it for just two weeks, my ankles are back to swelling, my joints are incredibly stiff and tender, and I can't keep myself awake throughout the day. I understand that it is a very expensive medication, but I've been through substantial tests, medication trials, and more in the last year and we FINALLY got me a regiment that worked. I don't understand how a medical facility can deny the medication even if it is not in their formulary. They are paid more per inmate with medical issues, which means they have the funds - or should have the funds. Finally, a simple allergy is not well handled. I have requested nearly every day since my self-surrender for a non feather pillow. I am horribly allergic to feathers. Most people love down comforters, they make me sick. But, no one has responded to any of my requests. Instead I have a pillow with small holes and feathers are everywhere on my bed. I wake with the headache of allergies and there's not a lot I can do about it. I can't sleep comfortably without a pillow. That's the world here, often, the choice between one thing or another - and neither is a good option, but we need to go with the best option we have at the moment.

The thing is that I know I belong in prison. I pleaded guilty and said that I would accept my punishment as it comes. I just do not understand why my punishment must be harsher due to my health. Many women here have been to other women's prisons and camps. They all say that the experience here is far different than their other facilities. I do not blame the staff on this. I truly believe that most of the staff are doing the best they can with the resources and guidance they are given. However, I do question the authorities that decided to subject minimum security inmates to high level security and to bunk with violent offenders. It would be easy to separate them - there are enough of us to have an entire housing unit of just minimum security offenders or just people with the chronic health concerns. That is not how things are done, though. Mental health, physical health, and people with no health issues are all combined. There is no protection for the non-violent offenders. We must just keep our mouths shut, do as we are told, and try to stay out of the other offenders' ways. I've seen people passing their pills (selling their medication), having sex in their beds, getting into fist fights, beating up their girlfriends, stealing other's goods, and more. I've been here just 2 weeks. These offenders are not the minimum security offenders here for health reasons, they are the drug conspirators, the gang members, the gun slinging folks from their neighborhoods, who are now in Carswell doing their time and trying to survive using the survival skills they know (stealing, cheating, etc.). They are not necessarily bad people, in fact many seem very kind, but they are learning nothing different here and many say that they intend to go back to their criminal lives upon release. I've had someone who is a drug dealer, another who is an identity thief, and another who is a burglar all state plain and simple that they will likely continue their crimes once released. I do hear some say, "never again," and I pray that they have found a way to separate themselves from their former lifestyle. I know that my 12 step program helps me stay clean and on the right path. I can only hope some of them find a way to do it for themselves. So, I accept that I have to be in prison. But, I am still not accepting that I have to be here, where neither my emotional or physical needs are being met. It doesn't seem right, not one bit.