From Dragonfly: Insight

People in prison can see themselves in many different identities. Some see themselves as crooks. Some as hustlers. Some work hard to see themselves as superheroes, others as victims. Some inmates are ultimate athletes, others as patients. There are a few that see themselves as carpenters, electricians, or even architects. Some inmates see themselves as children, others as elderly. There are inmates that are ultimate learners, taking every class offered; and inmates that see themselves as ultimate criminals, learning the ins and outs of everyone's crimes. There are survivors and jailhouse lawyers and mothers and grandmothers, and, even, daddies. There are lots of identities in prison, and most people try to wear one identity really well.

My identity is "Ms. Tutor." Wherever I walk, someone will say, "that's my tutor," or "hi, Ms. Tutor." Yes, they are supposed to call me by my last name, but for some reason, inmates have a hard time saying it correctly (as do the C.O.'s) even though it is only 2 syllables and is not all that difficult. In my unit, random people, that I don't really know, will walk up to me and ask me for tutoring help on their homework. I mostly help people with math - fractions, decimals, percentages, geometry and algebra. I like algebra the most. I also like percentages, because I never forgot the equation I learned as a child, "is over of equals percentage over 100." I realize this just brings out the nerd in me a whole lot more, but I wear that identity proudly as well. :-)

I do not try to be "Ms. Tutor" all the time. Once I am out of work, I take off my required uniform and put on shorts and a t-shirt, just like everyone else. I sit at a table with a bunch of women and work on crochet or friendship bracelets (yep, still making them). But, the identity doesn't leave me. Anyone who asks for help, I say, "yes." It's not like I'm doing anything more important than them WANTING to learn for passing their GED. I know that all the other tutors help people outside of work, too. It just comes with the job!

Plus, now, I am also teaching my U.S. Government course on Monday nights. That brings in different students - as it is adult continuing education. While the curriculum is set for me, I am able to be flexible in some of my teaching strategies. For example, when covering the three branches of government and checks/balances last night, I had the students divided into Executive, Judicial, House, and Senate and they had four laws/bills that some were trying to pass or appeal to the supreme court and based on what each branch did, the law/bill could be stalled, signed into law, found unconstitutional/constitutional by the courts, sent back down for rewriting, etc. In a 20 minute period, only 1 of the 4 laws/bills were fully signed and found to be Constitutional. The students felt that they understood the concepts and the roles of government much better.

My young appearance does get in the way sometimes. This is nothing new for me. When I was practicing law, no one believed I was an attorney, as I looked too young. But, I was in my 20's then. Now, as I am 40 years old, people here think I am in my 20's. For some reason, that makes people unsure on whether to believe what I say - "how could a 20-something year old know so much." When they find out that I am 40, suddenly they go, "ohhhhh, now that makes sense." Not one person I've met here has been within 5 years of guessing my correct age. Yes, I do look that young!

Some people think that since I am so young (they are putting my age in my 20's), I must be a genius. I am not. Not by a long shot. There are geniuses here - I recently met a member of Mensa - who graduated high school at 15 years of age. I will call her Nurse, as she was a nurse and health administrator on the outside. She is only a couple weeks into her Carswell experience, also a self-surrender, and still appears shell-shocked by all she sees. With her background in medicine, she is challenging the medical staff here to do the right thing - give cotton balls and alcohol wipes after people check their gluten level (sharing the same machine); provide people with the correct medication (including herself); understand medical conditions; etc. In just a couple weeks, she has already gone to the warden on several issues. I think the story that got her in here, as well as the story she will tell once she is released from here, will make a book! She says she is planning one. I suppose her identity is author and/or health advocate.

I'm glad my identity matches my identity on the outside. I am a teacher. I like to help others achieve their goals. I am very grateful I am given the opportunity to share this identity with the people inside Carswell.