From Dragonfly: Some Days Will Be Lonely

Yesterday was a tough day for me. It was a federal holiday, so I didn't work. I also didn't feel too well. But mostly, I was just plain old bored and lonely. Sure, I had several friends around. But, they aren't my close friends. They are special in their own way, as we go through this experience together, but my selfless friends from the outside, that keep in touch with me, send me positive thoughts, and/or just care as much as they do - I miss them a lot! I know that once all this is over, my life will move forward, but the life I left will be forever changed. Changes can be good or bad, but any change can be difficult, as I really enjoyed the life I was living before incarceration. Not the life that led to my incarceration, but the life I built through recovery, friendship, love, and compassion.

Some days, I wish I could go to sleep early and just wake up in another day. I could count that day done and be one day closer to my release. There are people who CHOOSE to violate their probation so that they do 10 months inside, rather than 3 years "on paper" (supervised release) on the outside. I can't ever imagine making that decision. Every day in here is long. Every day in here, I am away from everything and everyone I love. I feel more and more distant from the life I once lived.

I read a lot yesterday. I am reading so many different authors, sometimes the stories get mixed up together. I'm reading about 3-4 books every week. This is the most I've read in my life! I am still enjoying crocheting, but my hands only allow me to crochet for a while before it is too painful. I am catching up on letter writing, best I can. But once again, my hands have difficulty writing for too long. I miss typing letters, on my computer!

I wrote a new list yesterday... things I am missing from the outside (other than people). The list includes:
- Eating a fresh ice cream cone
- Walking barefoot on the grass
- Having a puppy lick my cheek
- Walking on carpet
- Showering without shoes on
- Getting a pedicure
- Wearing a necklace
- Wearing colors
- Searching the Internet
- Grocery shopping
- Dinner with friends
- Sushi
- Riding my scooter
- Driving a car
- Going to a movie and, also, eating movie theater popcorn
- Wearing jeans
- Wearing my hats
- Fun socks!
- Doing laundry on my own time
- Skyping
- Text messaging
- Refrigerating my food
- Soap in bathrooms
- Not carrying around my toilet paper
- Phone calls that aren't timed
- Playing dorky video games
- Drinking a chai tea latte
- Studying at a cafe
- Researching something important
- Writing papers (not kidding!)
- Reading a newspaper
- Watching Netflix (Doctor Who, Movies, etc.!)
- Spending a lazy day in bed
- Wearing sunglasses
- Throwing a stone into a pond
- Planning a vacation
- Short road trips
- Geo caching
- Decorating my home
- Sitting on a couch
- Silence (!!!)
- Attending G.A. meetings
- Listening to NPR
- Seeing a good play/musical
- Exploring new restaurants
- Smelling fresh flowers
- Giving friends gifts
- Sitting by a fire getting warm
- Cuddling with a dog
- Hearing my favorite tunes
- Surfing television channels
- Facebook updates of my friends
- Taking photos

and much, much more!