From Dragonfly: Thanksgiving Thankfulness

It's Thanksgiving at Carswell. The day started with strawberry frosted flakes. I had breakfast with Nurse - who is fighting her "shot" and seems to be on the winning side. Being at Carswell for Thanksgiving, though, makes us all miss our friends and family just a little bit more than usual. We will have a turkey dinner (well, lunch) with all the fixings, I hear. Then, we will stand in line for a boxed dinner, since all the kitchen workers will have dinner off. People have been talking about today's food for over two weeks!

Thanksgiving, to me, is about being grateful. I try to be grateful all the time - it is a part of recovery. I've written lists and more lists of things I'm grateful for in journals, letters, and to the people I love. Since being at Carswell, I have not written too many grateful lists. However, when I was here just a couple weeks and I was threatened by my roommate in the "bus stop," I called Faith, and she told me to write a list of things I'm grateful for. So, I have a list that I look at quite often. Having very little paper available at the time, I wrote the list in the back of my personal phone/address book. I see it daily. It centers me when things are out of control here. No better day, than today, to share it with you:

(this is in no particular order!!!)
1. I am alive.
2. My addiction recovery.
3. My family and friends' support.
4. Sporty getting our home ready so I have a place to go.
5. Survivor taking on my financials and so much more.
6. Traveler handing all my emails.
7. I have T.S. as a daughter.
8. Money for Commissary and FRP.
9. I like to read.
10. South in my room.
11. Chi's kindness.
12. My education and knowledge.
13. The opportunity to help others.
14. I'm relatively healthy.
15. I can call someone to listen/talk.
16. I don't "fit in" in prison.
17. I am kind.
18. I don't hate the world.
19. I like myself.
20. My sentence is short.
21. I self-surrendered.
22. I don't hold anger.
23. I don't need a partner for happiness.
24. I'm not starving.
25. I am loved deeply.
26. I'm a survivor, not a victim.
27. I own nice things.
28. I have travelled to amazing places.
29. I've seen true beauty.
30. Access to TruLincs and email.
31. I am a good person.
32. I do not need "drugs."
33. I am capable of greatness.
34. I have lots of skills and abilities.
35. I can love others.
36. I am able to sleep.
(That is the list that I had written that difficult day in August.)

There is so much MORE to be grateful for, but the most important thing in my life is the love and support I have received from those closest to me - my mom and extended family, Sporty, Survivor, T.S., the group of friends I have from GA, Faith, Traveler, Cache, random GA people I may never have met, people who send me nice messages, my boss in education who gave me a chance, my former supervisors from my university job and my fellowship, my closest friends from my university, everyone who follows my ups and down, my dog, my SIL, the people who choose to write me at least weekly, everyone who has sent me in a book, South, Army, Ark, Danbury, Star, Nurse, Freckles and every person who is kind at Carswell, everyone who put me in their prayers, the people who share a smile or laugh with me, ... and so many more. These are who I am really grateful to.

There is, also, some news to share. The thing about this kind of "news" is that there's no way of knowing when it may occur. I went to the "open house" for my case worker yesterday (since I had the afternoon off). I wanted to know why my PSI wasn't uploaded to the system. I never actually asked. We were talking about my security level. I started here as "minimum in" = the "in" was due to my needing to be inside a medical facility. Well, she forgot that last week she was supposed to tell me that my status was changed to "minimum out" - the status I should have started with to be sent to a camp. And, in fact, they are sending me to a camp... across the street (not closer to home). She was supposed to tell me last week, all she said yesterday was, "oops." She says my transfer to the camp will occur, "before Christmas." Had I not gone to her office yesterday, I would have only had a day's notice (the day I have to pack out my locker). Now, I get to prepare.

The camp across the street is NO "Camp Cupcake." It is an old motel 6 and we see it on the other side of our front fencing. They have 6 people to a room, and each room has a bathroom (think of any motel room you've stayed in). There is NO fence surrounding the property. There is a lake in the back, that I hear is pretty. I love being close to water. There are 300 people in total at the camp. When I move there, it will be a whole new story. I have no idea what life will be like. I will miss the friends I've made in the medical facility, but am so GRATEFUL that I am going to where the violence level is much lower. I will have to wear a really ugly green uniform, but that's okay. The phones, laundry, and all lines (like commissary) are outdoors. I will need to get used to that. I could get a job in the camp's education program, I hope... but many people actually work on the military base that we are located on. The camp has a "puppy program" for people who will be there for a long while (I won't qualify).

So, sometime over the next month, I will be writing of totally new experiences. I guess I am supposed to have a fully rounded out prison experience before I go home. The reason they are not moving me to a camp closer to home is that I am still a medical level 3. They need to keep me near the medical facility. But, I am going to have HOPE that I am going somewhere better - where my serenity can exist - and I can, finally, relax. As always, I will keep you updated.

So Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!! I pray that you and your family/friends have a joyous holiday and try to concentrate on the people in your life and not just on the "black Friday" shopping deals!