From Dragonfly: A Christmas Raid

Christmas may have been pretty, with all the decorations, but it was not without its drama. Late on Christmas Eve, some rooms in my unit were raided. During the raid, I was pat down for the first time. I've never been frisked (the strip downs we do ourselves). The officer told me to get up against the wall, I failed to spread my arms as I was caught off guard and have never been in that position before. She said, "spread your arms," and I caught on. Okay, sometimes I am a bit naive. I admit this flaw!

They are claiming there's a "drug ring" in our unit. I don't know about it. People here will do anything they think they can get away with. There's a party somewhere every day, and I will sometimes hear about them later. People needing to "escape" their reality, I suppose.

Christmas Day included more raids. It's hard to relax when officers are going through people's stuff all around you. I know that I have nothing, but it gets us all on edge. Lola and I just console one another and try to keep our sanity. Yesterday's reading in my "Peace a Day at a Time" book was about acceptance of circumstances and "this too shall pass." It is interesting that it was the selected reading for Christmas Day in the book. I read it three times, sharing it with others.

A lot of tears around the unit yesterday, too, as people called their families at home for the holiday. Kids asking, "when are you coming home," was a consistent message. South's family told her that they are keeping up their Christmas trees and doing Christmas again when she is home in a month. Her presents sit under the tree. Some people avoided calling families, but generally, it was more than an hour wait to use a phone.

We were fed a Cornish hen, cornbread stuffing, broccoli and cheese, croissants, gravy, and pumpkin pie for our lunch yesterday. The hen was undercooked, but I enjoyed the white meat. The stuffing was bland. The broccoli and cheese was a real treat and yummy. The croissants were undercooked (I didn't eat one), the gravy was tasteless, and I don't like pumpkin pie. But, at least they tried to make a nice meal. We were given box dinners with a roast beef sandwich, graham crackers, baked cheddar chips, a granola bar, and a can of Coke Zero. It was alright and nice to receive food we don't normally receive. I was gathered with friends - South, Mama, and Lola - for our boxed dinner experience. At least I don't have to be alone for the holidays!

During my gambling days, I spent endless hours by myself on holidays, and, often, found myself at a casino with all the others who couldn't fight their urge to gamble, even for a day they should be with friends and family. The dealers would wear fun Christmas style hats and people were extra generous with their tips. Everyone was looking for a Christmas "win." Being at a casino, we were not alone with our low thoughts of ourselves, yet we were alone nonetheless. At a casino, you can be surrounded by thousands of people, and still be alone. Now, I can be by myself, and I feel love and support from people not even here with me. I am never lonely. I am never alone.

The next hurdle will be New Year's. It is a time I usually spend on vacation. I will miss that this year, but "this too shall pass" and next year, I will be in a new place. Anyone can survive anything, when they know it is not forever.