From Dragonfly: A Good Book

A book in prison is an opportunity to imagine a world beyond the fences, the barbed wire, the C.O.'s, and the fifteen different meals we receive each month. It is a chance to remember places that are written about, people who are similar to characters, and the ups and downs of real life. A book may be fiction, but there are certain aspects of nearly every book, even science fiction, that are real. Even the recent two books I read from the point of view of a dog, "A Dog's Purpose" and "A Dog's Journey" were connections to the real world. Albeit, the world through, perhaps, the eyes and mind of my dog, Super Dog.

I've been spending more time in my room lately, laid up on my bed, reading. I also nap, but mostly I lose myself in a book. I have a locker shelf of books I plan to read and it brings me joy to to connect to different characters and their stories. Perhaps one day I will be a writer, nonfiction or fiction, I don't know. It's always been there, at the back of my brain, that I'd like to write a book. In high school, I wrote plays. I've written short stories, but not for many, many years. I believe that my three years of law school, in my early 20's, really stopped my creative thinking path. Instead, the thoughts went all analytical (although, I was quite analytical to start with). Analytical and creative thinking are not all that different - it's about thinking outside the box. But, I tend to think things through too much. As you can read here.

Right now, I am reading a fairly new Wally Lamb book. I remember reading his earlier works, especially, "She's Come Undone." It was a book I loved and hated at the same time. The main character seemed to make so many bad choices, yet, in reality, I could totally identify with her. My current Wally Lamb book is about family, love, acceptance, art, and affluenza (a word I picked up from the TV a week or so ago, when a young man who was driving drunk killed four people in a motor accident, and instead of prison, is going to a rehab costing over $36,000 per month... they said it was "affluenza" as a person with less money, a person of color, any minority, would be in prison. A similar young man had a similar crime, and he is spending 10 years in prison. This similar young man is African American and does not have the wealth of the one going to expensive rehab). I did a research study while a law student. We were looking at crack cocaine convictions and sentencing based on race. We found strong evidence, that race indicated how long someone would spend in prison. Caucasians spent the least, Asians were next, Hispanic next, and with the most time, for the exact same amount of crack, African Americans (especially men) spent the most. Such racism is so ingrained in our justice system and I see it every day, here at Carswell, based on the population of inmates and their stories.

I think every inmate here has a story worth telling and hearing. I am not unique. Many say that they want to write a book when they are released. Most want to focus it on their lives in prison. I hope some of them do, there are not enough books for women facing prison. There are actually few resources for women facing prison. There are companies that advertise themselves for getting others ready for incarceration, but they are almost exclusively based on the male prison experience. Women need more resources. Perhaps my writing helps.

Reading will make me a better writer. Of that, I am certain. Maybe this experience has taken me far enough away from my lawyer days for me to be creative once again - I did create an mp3 holder yesterday for Lola out of plastic canvas and needle point. I've created scarves and hats. I've created a fun gift that I sent to Sporty. I like making things and making people smile. When I was young and wrote plays, they were comedies - albeit, mostly tragic comedies that tried to save the world (a black comedy about the environment was the one I remember best). People talked all over each other, like we Jews do too often, and crazy things were happening (grandpa blowing up things in the basement as he experiments with chemistry). I don't know where the ideas stemmed from, I was only a teen.

Today, my writing has a purpose as well. My goal is to help others understand addiction, to help others understand incarceration, to help others retain "hope," to help others understand survival, to help others advocate for themselves, to help others develop healthier lives, to help others understand chronic illness, and/or to entertain... Even when we share our lives and talk about all that is happening, it is so easy to wallow in the negative, but there is always positive to share as well. Yesterday, a group of us from education met for a "pot-luck" and gift exchange. I received a very beautifully decorated journal (the paper journals are free, the decor took a lot of time). I gave my person two friendship bracelets, two homemade new year's cards to mail, and two milky way bars. We ate the best prison fare we can make: potato wraps, tamales, cheese and crackers, tuna rolls, and more. We had homemade chocolate cheesecake and popcorn balls for dessert. We laughed together, and enjoyed some cold sunshine for a while out by outdoor rec. It was a nice time.

If a book only stays at the negative, I will put it down. I feel guilty not finishing a story I'm invested in, but even the desperate, like in "Room," have good moments. Moments of real love, real friendship, real laughter, and smiles. All our stories have some smiles in them. A good book stays with me, and I'll think about the characters and their stories beyond the time I am reading. I love to talk about the book with others, and lend them the best of the best. Books bring me joy and sharing them with others brings me even greater joy. This time in prison is giving me the opportunity to enjoy a lot of good books.