From Dragonfly: The Hardest Times

The most difficult times being in prison is not when things are hard in here, but when things are hard back home and I can't be there to help my loved ones through it. Weeks ago, my step-grandfather fell and broke his hip. He is 95 years strong, but this is weakening him. He was still living independently, but is now at a rehab and having difficulty with some basic living tasks. My mother and step-father are doing everything they can to be there for him and with him, but I know that I would be there, too, if I were able to be home. I would also be there just for my folks to talk to and be support.

As I've mentioned before, my father had a stroke the week of my sentencing. He and his wife live in the Southwest and are not near any of my family. It doesn't really matter, because no one in my family talks to him, except me. But, I've been unable to visit him once since his stroke. He now has trouble communicating and even doing things he once loved - like spending hours on end on his computer. When I talk with him by phone, he has trouble saying what he is thinking and often gets frustrated. I wish I could visit him and just spend time with him. Time would make up for all the lost communication between us.

Now, I've learned that a member of Sporty's family is very ill, and it's not looking good. I know him well, and I know how devastating this is for her entire family. They lost her sister, way too young, five years ago, and now her mom may have to bury another child. I pray that somehow he is able to fight this. He has a brain tumor and was induced into a coma yesterday. The hospital says it doesn't look good, but I know that anything is possible. He is a wonderful and loving father, husband, uncle, brother, and son - the kind that other men should look up to. I wish I could be there with them all at this time, just to express my prayers and thoughts and to be there the way they've all been there for me. He has always loved the arts, especially theater, and even in his coma, I know he is singing a beautiful song to everyone in the family, especially his children!

It's so easy to get lost into our own lives here; that we distance ourselves from others, and forget that life continues on the outside, even while we are gone. Our role in our families, relationships, and friendships is missing and our loved ones need to be able to move forward with that void. However, at times when things are their toughest, we need to find a way to be there, even if not in person, to show that we still care, that the world does not revolve around us and our imprisonment; that there are much bigger things in this world that matter. I know that the one thing that would be the hardest for me, while incarcerated, would be to lose a loved one, and not be able to be there. I pray that this doesn't happen and that all the men I wrote of above find their way to health and into their family's arms once again.