From Dragonfly: Still Working

So, I was informed this morning that I am not allowed to resign from my job. I need to have another job already lined up and the new employer and my current employer both have to sign off on the move. There are about 750 jobs here, most requiring able-bodied people, and there are 1,500 inmates. The few jobs I could do are taken. So, I am still a tutor. I spent the morning helping students read graphs, answer decimals questions, and tried to do a game, that actually failed miserably (oops!). It happens. I cried when I found out that I had to continue working in an environment where myself and my coworker can not speak to each other - except professionally - we always focus on our work. She does x, y, and z, and I do a, b, and c and we try to just stay away from one another. The students choose which of us they want to help them, and we go to the students, helping them, because that is our job. I love helping students. I wasn't ready to work this morning. I thought I was just "checking in" and leaving, but I stayed. I worked the full morning. I think my supervisor was as surprised that I had to stay working as I am. We make due the best we can. This system is what it is. I'll start looking, but I know it will be hard to find a position here. I always wanted to work in education. I love education.

Then, just now, a tutor comes up to me. She and another tutor were fired on the spot. They did something against the rules - not for me to talk about. But I am in shock. She is in shock. She says she is going to the SHU. I'm like, "what?!?!" She is so freaked out. I can do/say nothing.

If ever you felt powerless in your life, you have no idea how powerless we all are to our situations in prison. It does not work by the rules on the outside world. We cannot quit a job. We cannot make up our own rules. We have to just keep moving forward - one day at a time - and hope for the best.

One of the women about to go to the SHU actually gave me a quote this morning about my situation. It is about Hope and cannot be more pertinent to this day:

"Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out."  --- Vaclav Havel

That is really the truth. Today is not turning out the way I anticipated. However, now I get more time to work with students. I don't know if it will be a day, a week, or months. Here, anything is possible. But I still have hope. As I always say, Never give up hope... A moment this morning I will not forget. A student who has struggled so much with her math, taking an exit test and believing she will fail. She just kept asking me how many she could get wrong and still pass. I told her to breath, walk through the steps to solving work problems, and do her best. She gave me the test at the end, knowing full well she failed. She passed - 84%!! She fell over, literally. I could see tears. She didn't believe she could do it. She did. That is today's reward. I helped a student get one step closer to her GED.