From Dragonfly: Game Play

Somehow, recently, my life has once again changed here. I don't have a new job or a new room, I suddenly have competition. The healthy kind of competition. For the last few nights, I have sat at a small table with a couple women I didn't even know the names of until this week, as well as Red and sometimes Taz, and played Spades (the card game). There are those who play cards, here, all the time. I've mostly stayed away from cards, as too much could lead into some sort of gamble. But these women are not like that, we play for fun, and it is fun!

Two nights ago, as we played, I'd mentioned that I am a compulsive gambler. It came out as I was joking around about something. The woman next to me asked if I ever played Pai Gow Poker. I told her, "that was my game of choice..." She started to say that we should play some, but she didn't even get the words out when I said that I would never play the game again, or any game that I played in the casinos, or anything that would constitute gambling. I explained how sick I became - that I have not gambled in nearly 6 years - and that one day at a time, I pray to never gamble again. I'm glad I still have my guard up. Some people innocuously fall back into old habits. I am reminded every day, here, how low my addiction took me; it brought me to prison and nearly to death.

So, a little competition of Spades is right on cue for me. I enjoy the time with new friends, doing something that makes the time go by quickly. I'm sad that Lola is not in my unit, as she would enjoy it as well. Word is that we are all moving back to our old unit. Really?!?!? It hasn't happened yet, but Lola and I will be together again, until she is officially moved across the street to the camp. It sucks when your closest friends are no longer in your unit.

I've also been feeling a little ill lately. I sweat when everyone is cold (no, it's not my hormones - they've been tested). I'm tired to the point of napping a lot, and still sleeping through most nights. Perhaps my stress is affecting my body. I wouldn't be surprised. With my dad ill, no word yet on my papers from region, and the reality of watching people in here get sicker and/or die, it just gets to you sometimes.

I try to work my program of recovery to help me through it all. It's something that gambling brought to my life, rather than what it took away from me. I've actually learned to meditate. I've learned to breathe away my stress. I've learned to fill my time with things that bring me a smile or laughter. With just a short time left, I've found one of those things - the game of Spades.