Hall Walking

In 2008, not only was my family trying to handle my crisis, but we also had another one - my maternal grandmother was moving back due to her Alzheimer's diagnosis. She'd married just a few years ealier to her high school sweetheart, after my grandfather passed away. The old high school sweetheart turned out to be too overwhelmed to be able to care for my grandma, once her memory issues (mild at the time) started to impact their lives. He was actually a jerk and one good thing of my grandma's Alzheimer's (much more advanced now) is that she only remembers her 52 years married to my grandfather, whom she refers to as the love of her life - even though his name now escapes her.

My grandma actually asked us to move into an assisted living place - one she enjoyed going to for daytime activities. Sporty worked there, so we knew she'd get good quality care. They also offer all levels of care - so she started in an apartment, then a studio, then a room with nursing care, and now she's in a full care room.

My grandma had always been active and when she first moved there, she would walk the halls - sometimes a couple times/day- doing laps like many people do at malls. She wanted to stay fit - she was always tiny waisted.

Now, I find myself following in my grandma's legacy - walking the halls. It actually makes me think of her, which is a good thing. My grandma learned to make the best of being locked inside her assisted living home and I can, also, make the best of living in this converted old nursing home turned rehab/HWH by trying to stay active and walk the halls.

VISITATION
I did end up getting permission to have T.S. and Sporty visit me today. They only allow 1 hour visits - so they traveled 3 hours total and spent an hour with me sitting in the cafeteria. Only two of us had visitors. From 4-5pm, there's another visitation time, but I was only allowed a single visit for the weekend.

It was a good visit. We hardly got enough time to talk. T.S. needs me home to help make her room more comfortable. A lot of my stuff is in boxes in the basement storage. We may struggle with three adults sharing a single vehicle, but I'll use Hope whenever I can. I'll also take the bus. I'm too grateful to be going home to be picky. The bus stop is 2 blocks from where I'll be living. I'll only need a car on the days I have to check back in here. I know we'll figure out how to make it work.

I'm off to lunch and then my laundry duty for  a bit. I'll probably finish my book after. Then a couple hallway laps. I miss my friends - both those on the outside and those I met inside.

5pm I finished the Tami Hoag book I was reading - spending far more than the one hour they allow us to read each day. It's saturday, so many watched a lot of tv/movies. I chose to read.

I'm not sure if it is due to the younger age here, but people don't seem as serious about being locked up. Then again, most go out often - work, shopping, AA/NA meetings... They eat McDonald's and Taco Bell when they are out (whether authorized or not) and really don't show the gratitude of having this experience over jail/prison.

Turns out many of them were meth manufacturers and users, much like the people I met in prison. However, they avoided federal conspiracy charges or turned state's evidence. One woman I met testified against the big wigs and was sent here instead of facing 10-20 years in prison.

People staying here have to pay rent. I do not. Those with jobs must give 25% of their income as rent. Those without jobs are also assessed a rent, but I don't know how it is decided. Any resident that works a full kitchen shift received $6 off their rent. If they "volunteer" enough shifts, they can pay off their entire monthly rent.

Since we are not supposed to sit in our rooms, I joined others in our only other space - the tv room. They put on a scary movie, though, so I'm trying not to pay attention. I have no blanket to hide under and no hand to squeeze. I don't do scary well - especially when the suspense music constantly makes my heart skip a beat in fear.

T.S. and Sporty brought me some more clothes. Clothes that were once tight to too small, are falling off me. It's a good feeling and I hope I can at least maintain, if not lose some more weight. I already told T.S. that I'm getting her up every morning to work out with me. At 19, she likes to sleep, but she will have work and classes this summer, so she is truly transitioning into a young adult. She's decided to look up recipes on Pintrest and she wants to cook dinner once a week. I welcome her wanting to do so, although the ingredients will still be bought by Sporty and myself.

I haven't seen the sunshine for 1 1/2 days. Well, I see it through windows, but I want fresh air. I'm going to ask if I can get some fresh air at the courtyard outside of the House Smoke times. I should also be allowed some outside time, even if I don't smoke. Time for me to go... I can't keep being in this room... movie is really scary...