Never Forget

A lot of people make an active choice to try to forget their time in prison. They are so emotionally wounded from the experience that they prefer to not talk about it, stay away from media that would remind them of it, and put their experience as far away from their thoughts as they can. I get it. Why relive a nightmare over and over again? We need to live in the present, not the past. I really do understand.

I make a different choice, however. I choose to never forget. It would be so easy to enjoy the comforts of home, ignoring that so many are still there struggling... Ignoring the fact that we have a broken justice system (not that it ever worked "right"). I can't do that, though. I believe that I'm meant to have every experience I have, in order to use that knowledge for good, for change, for helping others. I went to prison to pay for my wrongdoings, but I also went to be a voice for prison reform. I witnessed far too many things that were horribly wrong, for me to sit back and do nothing.

Things have gotten even worse at Carswell since I've been home. The prison is so overcrowded, that they turned a unit TV room into another bus stop, housing a dozen more people. People are packed in like sardines, and the failure to provide a safe environment becomes impossible. My unit that once had about 250 people, now houses 310. Sixty more people, yet the resources are not expanded to accommodate them. 

Friends are still there who are past their community program dates. Even Freckles, who is two weeks from her promised HWH date, has no confirmation or travel arrangements. Others are still being forced to max out, like My Bunkie who should have been processed for community programs back in December. She doesn't even have any medical issues!

Fights and drug smuggling/dealing have increased in number, and people are being released from the SHU early, because there are not enough beds to house everyone. Laundry doesn't have enough uniforms or pillows to accommodate newbies, so they don't get their few items guaranteed by the prison. People are serving sentences for non-violent crimes that are more than double those with violent pasts. Inmates continue to be treated like cattle, rather than people.

Worse of all, people are dying. MRSA is allowed to spread throughout the body before being properly treated. People sit on blue benches for hours, begging to be seen at the clinic, only to be told they'll be put on call-out which never happens. People wait in 3 hour lines, missing their meals, in order to get the medication they need. Treatment for cancers and other serious illnesses are held up for months, while the illness spreads and gets worse, sometimes to the point of no longer being treatable. Necessary medications are withheld, because the prison doesn't want to bare the cost. While I was at Carswell for just over nine months, I witnessed the death of nearly a dozen inmates, half of which for things that I believe were improperly treated, or not treated at all. One unnecessary death is one to many!!

So, no, I will not just close my eyes to the injustice of treatment in our prison system. The vast majority of people are locked up for non-violent crimes (at least in the women's prisons). They are not all bad people, they made mistakes and perhaps some deserve to go to prison, but they are still people and equally deserve humanity. I knew our justice system was broken before I witnessed it first hand. Now, I must be a part of the solution.

I do not know what my future holds and in what ways my voice will be heard. I do know, though, that I have a voice and I must use it. I did my time, and got through it alright (albeit with a little PTSD).  However, I will only be able to truly be comfortable with my freedom, if I am doing what I can to help those still on the inside. I will not forget!