Baring My Soul

I stood in front of my colleagues and a professor I highly respect and told them my story - most importantly, that I spent last year at a federal prison and I am a felon. You could hear a pin drop. I explained my crime, my addiction, my recovery, my being kicked out of school, my fight back in, and why I am now in CJ. Just yesterday, a classmate was talking about throwing the book at white collar offenders, today they wrote me that I helped remind them that everyone makes mistakes. We all have pasts.

As I walked out of class, a colleague said I was her hero. Hardly. I have not done anything heroic. So many before and after me have done the same. Perhaps I am their first example of a felon who turns their life around or an addict who doesn't relapse. I don't know. I don't see myself as a hero. Heroes are people who run in burning buildings and save people. I wish I had the power to save people from walking a path similar to mine.

I shared that I kept a blog and that this blog helped me survive the experience. My prof asked what I will do with the blog - this "ethnography." It's the first time I've heard it called an ethnography- a writing in research terms based on themes. I said I did not know, but I've been thinking about it since. Have I been writing the data for my thesis all along?

I was worried about how my story came across last night, so I sent my professor an email follow up to make sure it was okay what I shared and to thank him for the additional time. He wrote me that it was, "motivational." While I have a hard time with "hero," I will accept "motivational." I do hope that my story motivates others to overcome obstacles and past mistakes. We can do anything we set our minds to, if we want it enough and believe in ourselves.

I have to admit, as a total extrovert, I was shaking last night. Telling my story and not knowing the reaction was difficult. I said to everyone that they are welcome to judge me, it matters not. I also told them that they can look me up - the media and feds have about 10% of the facts correct. They are also welcome to ask me any question, anytime. I'm more than happy to answer anything. 

Life is so much better without secrets!