Holiday Gifting

It's the time of year where people want to know what I want for the holidays. I've had an Amazon list for years and I've done my darnedest to update it. Truth is, I don't need that much. I'd also rather people think about me and find gifts they think I'd like than me have to guide them toward the right gift. It's selfish, maybe, but I don't need any gifts, really, but if someone wants to buy me something, I would prefer them put some thought behind the gesture.

I do my best to do that for each person I purchase gifts for. I may look at their "wish lists," but ultimately, it's about things that remind me of them or things I think they could use, or funny things, or fun things they'd never buy themselves, that catch my eye and I want to give them. I also don't need the holidays to buy someone their gift. I bought a gift for Cashe like four months prior to her birthday because I saw it and had to get it. People put too much pressure on themselves to find all their gifts in November/December for loved ones. There aren't just sales now and gift giving is not just about "things," it's about memories and the people we are giving the gifts to. I always try to give gifts that result in memories if I can.

I'm not going to say that I do not enjoy receiving gifts. I do. I enjoy giving gifts just as much. On my birthday, I give gifts to everyone I celebrate with - not just receive gifts. I mean, they chose to celebrate with me - just like the goody bags we gave our guests when we were young. There were many, many years that my holiday gift consisted of a check, usually arriving late, from my mom and step-dad. I would tell them every year that I would rather they took the time to find a gift that had thought behind it, but the check showed up each year. I would thank them, and then I would lose every penny of it at a casino. Their gifts gave me a couple hours of addictive action. Crazy that I actually verbally asked for something different. Something with meaning.

Now, when the check shows up each holiday season, it is deposited into my bank account. It is used for my winter trip or something else needed. I don't pay bills with it, I know that was not it's purpose and I budget my general income for that purpose. It's not a ton of money, but a meal or two can be paid by my folks' holiday gift and we can toast them at the time for thinking of me at the holidays. I appreciate that. I know that they do not send me a general gift because they simply do not know what to send - no matter how many things I add to my Amazon wish list - I will still receive an annual check. At least I am not gambling it away. One year my step-dad was pissed at me for being unemployed and he sent me black licorice in a package that said "coal" as a joke and I received no check that year. Every year I hear the story, "as least I'm not sending you black coal this year..." The one year I really needed those extra funds, I didn't receive them - I was young then, mid-20's, and very, very broke and broken.

Anyway, I am nearly done shopping for the gifts I plan to give out. I cannot afford to give gifts to everyone I want to or as big of gifts as I wish I could. I'm still on a tight budget and still just a grad student and newly out of prison. I'm okay with that, though. It's the holidays and I will participate in the way I can and will show those I love that I am thinking of each of them with the gifts I am able to give them. Unless begged to do so, I will never give someone just money or a simple gift card, I fear it lacks imagination and thought to do so. Some people really want those things and I will provide what they want. When people receive a gift from me, though, I give it a lot of thought an energy - and then seek out the best deal for what I want. The best part is giving the gift away. I love seeing everyone's reactions - and pray they love the presents. If not, I can always give them cash or a gift card next year, I suppose.