I was looking at my Facebook profile earlier today and it still said that I am an education student at my University. Which, of course, I no longer am. Last night, I discovered a similar issue on my old Instagram account. Throughout the social media world, I am listed as I saw myself prior to my incarceration and have not even thought about updating these things since I've been out... until today...
I imagine I have numerous accounts I don't even think about that are connected to life as it was, not as it is. I do feel, though, that I need to extend my honesty to my social networks and update my information when I discover outdated information. At the same time, I don't need to explain the 9 month gap of my life between August 2013 and May 2014 - if someone asks I'll tell them, but no one's bio says, "and this is the time I was at FMC Carswell." Before I went to prison, I had hoped that I would obtain my PhD by 2016. Now, I am looking at 2018/2019. Quite a difference. These are the changes I am making to my bios.
Experts in the world of social media, employment, and privacy laws warn folks to be careful with what we put out in cyber space. Do you really want your future boss knowing that you were up all night downing shots or that you swear in all your tweets? You may think your privacy settings are such that only those you want will be able to see your updates, but there are a myriad of ways for people to learn about others through social media. When I am about to hire someone, I often google them. I know that people google me as well. I don't need to put anything about my crime or incarceration on my social media, because when they google me, they will learn all about it.
I figure I should just be myself in my social networking world. I am not suave, so I don't need to appear suave. I am not perfect, so I do not need to appear perfect. I'm nerdy, in recovery, bookish, into the arts, a technology geek, quirky, funny, independent, and creative... I think that's what comes out when someone looks at my persona in the social media world.
For ex-felons, it is even more important that we be aware of what our social media presence appears like. Our PO's may be keeping an eye on us through these networks, even if we are unaware of it. Travel outside your region and check-in to a restaurant on Facebook and your PO will know it. Tweet that you are with your bestie from the prison and you may be going back to the prison. Upload a pic to Instagram of you getting high and see how fast your are brought in for a urine sample. Whether you use your real name or not, do not try to play stupid using social media while on parole/ supervision. I truly believe our PO's are much smarter than many of us give them credit for.
All that being said, I don't think for one second that I am really anonymous with this blog. A lot of my friends and family read it and know who I am, obviously. A lot of people I was locked up with know about it. Many of the CO's inside read it - including several that made some backwards comments to me at times about it. It's not hard to figure out who I am - hmmm... one of 4 Jewish women. 5' tall. Entered on August 19th. Left on May 28th. Lived in One North. Gambling addiction. Yaddah, yaddah, yaddah (thanks Seinfeld). I may not use my name, but I did choose to identify myself in numerous ways. I did that because I want to be a real person to everyone who reads this. I did not want this blog to feel like it's being written from a third person point of view.
I have no idea how my PO would or will react if/when he learns about this blog. It is such an important part of my life now. It has almost been over a year of writing nearly every day. I am ten days away from the anniversary of my self-surrender. This blog started as the story of someone preparing for self-surrender, became the story of someone incarcerated, and now talks of like beyond bars. I think it is important that I keep writing. I hope you all feel that although you don't know my direct name or my exact town, that you feel that you know me as a person... I am updating all my social networks, however, I think for now, being Dragonfly Hazel is a persona divide that I am going to maintain for a while.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
A Great Meeting
We have a saying in gambler's anonymous - 'there is no such thing as a bad meeting.' However, I will tell you, some meetings are better than others. Some meeting rooms are better than others. But, I do agree, no matter where I go to a meeting, I am always glad I went. I need the meetings and other people need me there. At first, all I did was listen and learn. Now, I listen, learn, and give back. The longer you are in the program, the more you can give back. It's the perfect example of paying it forward.
Anyway, tonight was the new meeting that we started a bit over a month ago. It's still small, but has a good energy and I'm excited to see some people trying to make it one of their regular meetings. I was worried tonight, though, that no one would show. Two of the other 'regulars' were unable to attend, and I wasn't sure of anyone else. Anytime two people are together, we call that a meeting, but someone by themselves, well, I call that sad. Ha.
Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised when two others were there early. It was just a meeting of three of us, but it was a truly great meeting! We spent a lot of time discussing step 1 and the ability to admit that we are compulsive gamblers and that our lives have become unmanageable. This disease is devious. You would think that someone who has lost their home from their gambling losses would be able to admit their problem and see that one's life is unmanageable, but our minds play tricks on us --- just one big win and all our problems can be solved. It an irrational way of thinking and living and what our addiction feeds off of.
One question I received was whether one has to hit the same "rock bottom" as I did or similar in order to be successful in the program. I have watched many, many people be successful in G.A. without having as severe consequences as mine. I've also met many people with more severe consequences as mine. The truth is that the only real "rock bottom" is death - there's always some more damage we could cause if we stay destroying our lives. I'll never forget what a Rabbi said that first Yom Kippur I was in recover during her sermon, "there's no rock bottom, you just stop digging." I truly believe that. However, the people who think they have not reached their "personal" rock bottoms may actually believe they NEED to do more damage to themselves, their families, and their communities before the ability to accept recovery. It's such a baffling and devious addiction.
Anyway, as the three of us went around with our therapies - and I won't share what was said - because what is said in the room stays in the room - but I will say that the honesty and openness was extremely powerful. When I gave my therapy, one member actually had a tear, when I inquired, I was told because of my strength or something like that. Usually, the tears in our rooms are because we are so broken emotionally, but tonight, the tears were because we are strong and capable.
This horrible addiction tries to take all the good out of us, but we can rebuild. We can be humble, gracious, honest, powerful, leaders, role models, givers, successful, meaningful, healthy, caring, and all the things that gambling and our addiction took away from us. We can be emotionally mature, we can have successful relationships, we can be good parents, we can own nice things, we can take incredible vacations, we can live humbly, we can donate to good causes, we can drive cars that are in working order, we can maintain our jobs, we can be promoted, we can pay our mortgage/rent, we can send our kids to college, we can qualify for a loan, we can rebuild our credit, we can join a gym, we can get married, we can move across the country, we can go back to school, we can write a book, we can maintain a blog,... there's so much we can do - as long as we stay in recovery and away from gambling one day at a time. How we do that - we keep going to meetings.
I know that most of the readers of this blog are not compulsive gamblers, nor do you struggle with any addiction, but I imagine you all know someone who does. I truly believe that addiction is addiction and the kind of addiction is the symptom (that's why cross-addiction happens so easily), the disease is the emotional illness and issues that lead to the need to escape reality and/or need some action in one's life. Addicts are unable to live life on life's terms - control (like I talked about in yesterday's blog), and inability to accept things are common issues among addicts. They have shown that compulsive gambler's brains have similar reactions to alcoholics and drug addicts when in action. It's not the form of addiction, it's the inability to say "no." Willpower is impossible for any addict. Please do not tell an addict to just "stop," it doesn't work. Someone who does not get "help" for the addiction will not get better - a dry drunk is still a drunk - sooner or later under the right set of circumstances - they will likely take that first sip of alcohol, that first gulp, that first bottle. For the gambler, it's the first bet, the first $20, the first $100... right back to where they were before they stopped. Perhaps the 12-step program does not work for everyone, but there are many, many recovery programs out there. Addicts need help BUT they need to WANT the help. No one can force someone into recovery. For me, I surrendered. I don't know if there's another way - although I hear, "fake it until you make it," works for some (meaning, keep going to meetings until something clicks with you). Okay, I digressed with this paragraph, but I want readers of this blog to try to be a good friend/ relative to those in their lives who struggle with addiction. Importantly, though, I truly believe you should not help the addict with the addictive behavior - do not provide them money, do not bail them out, etc - make them face their consequences. It may be hard, but if you enable their addiction, they will not be able to get to the a point of surrender. Tough love toward an active addict is the best way to love them. Once they are trying to get healthy, then be there for them in every way possible. If you would have given them money, but held back because of their addiction, save it to help pay for their rehab or to spend time with them. Be there when it is a healthy relationship. You need to make sure you always take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. [steps off soap box].
Well, tonight was a great meeting and it led to this pitiful blog post. I imagine many more of you are interested in the life and times of a felon, than one of a recovering compulsive gambler. I am both these things and many more. I cannot separate the identities I have. I've made many, many mistakes in my life. They started when I was young and unable to understand the decisions/choices I was making. Each led to another and those led to my being a compulsive gambler and that led me to make the worst mistake of my life and hurt everyone I cared about and a community that had been my home. Today, it leads me to want to go into Criminal Justice and help others who may find themselves on a doorstep not so different than my own. While I hate what compulsive gambling did to my life and the people I hurt, I am actually glad that I am one - because it has made me a better person and has given me the insight into the lives of so many people that are misunderstood in our societies. I was saying at the meeting tonight that we have no recovering gambler role models. There are AA and NA role models in the world. However, there are no well-known GA role models. People don't understand our addiction. Maybe I can be one of the hundreds of thousands of people that can help make that change. Yep, it was a great meeting tonight.
Anyway, tonight was the new meeting that we started a bit over a month ago. It's still small, but has a good energy and I'm excited to see some people trying to make it one of their regular meetings. I was worried tonight, though, that no one would show. Two of the other 'regulars' were unable to attend, and I wasn't sure of anyone else. Anytime two people are together, we call that a meeting, but someone by themselves, well, I call that sad. Ha.
Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised when two others were there early. It was just a meeting of three of us, but it was a truly great meeting! We spent a lot of time discussing step 1 and the ability to admit that we are compulsive gamblers and that our lives have become unmanageable. This disease is devious. You would think that someone who has lost their home from their gambling losses would be able to admit their problem and see that one's life is unmanageable, but our minds play tricks on us --- just one big win and all our problems can be solved. It an irrational way of thinking and living and what our addiction feeds off of.
One question I received was whether one has to hit the same "rock bottom" as I did or similar in order to be successful in the program. I have watched many, many people be successful in G.A. without having as severe consequences as mine. I've also met many people with more severe consequences as mine. The truth is that the only real "rock bottom" is death - there's always some more damage we could cause if we stay destroying our lives. I'll never forget what a Rabbi said that first Yom Kippur I was in recover during her sermon, "there's no rock bottom, you just stop digging." I truly believe that. However, the people who think they have not reached their "personal" rock bottoms may actually believe they NEED to do more damage to themselves, their families, and their communities before the ability to accept recovery. It's such a baffling and devious addiction.
Anyway, as the three of us went around with our therapies - and I won't share what was said - because what is said in the room stays in the room - but I will say that the honesty and openness was extremely powerful. When I gave my therapy, one member actually had a tear, when I inquired, I was told because of my strength or something like that. Usually, the tears in our rooms are because we are so broken emotionally, but tonight, the tears were because we are strong and capable.
This horrible addiction tries to take all the good out of us, but we can rebuild. We can be humble, gracious, honest, powerful, leaders, role models, givers, successful, meaningful, healthy, caring, and all the things that gambling and our addiction took away from us. We can be emotionally mature, we can have successful relationships, we can be good parents, we can own nice things, we can take incredible vacations, we can live humbly, we can donate to good causes, we can drive cars that are in working order, we can maintain our jobs, we can be promoted, we can pay our mortgage/rent, we can send our kids to college, we can qualify for a loan, we can rebuild our credit, we can join a gym, we can get married, we can move across the country, we can go back to school, we can write a book, we can maintain a blog,... there's so much we can do - as long as we stay in recovery and away from gambling one day at a time. How we do that - we keep going to meetings.
I know that most of the readers of this blog are not compulsive gamblers, nor do you struggle with any addiction, but I imagine you all know someone who does. I truly believe that addiction is addiction and the kind of addiction is the symptom (that's why cross-addiction happens so easily), the disease is the emotional illness and issues that lead to the need to escape reality and/or need some action in one's life. Addicts are unable to live life on life's terms - control (like I talked about in yesterday's blog), and inability to accept things are common issues among addicts. They have shown that compulsive gambler's brains have similar reactions to alcoholics and drug addicts when in action. It's not the form of addiction, it's the inability to say "no." Willpower is impossible for any addict. Please do not tell an addict to just "stop," it doesn't work. Someone who does not get "help" for the addiction will not get better - a dry drunk is still a drunk - sooner or later under the right set of circumstances - they will likely take that first sip of alcohol, that first gulp, that first bottle. For the gambler, it's the first bet, the first $20, the first $100... right back to where they were before they stopped. Perhaps the 12-step program does not work for everyone, but there are many, many recovery programs out there. Addicts need help BUT they need to WANT the help. No one can force someone into recovery. For me, I surrendered. I don't know if there's another way - although I hear, "fake it until you make it," works for some (meaning, keep going to meetings until something clicks with you). Okay, I digressed with this paragraph, but I want readers of this blog to try to be a good friend/ relative to those in their lives who struggle with addiction. Importantly, though, I truly believe you should not help the addict with the addictive behavior - do not provide them money, do not bail them out, etc - make them face their consequences. It may be hard, but if you enable their addiction, they will not be able to get to the a point of surrender. Tough love toward an active addict is the best way to love them. Once they are trying to get healthy, then be there for them in every way possible. If you would have given them money, but held back because of their addiction, save it to help pay for their rehab or to spend time with them. Be there when it is a healthy relationship. You need to make sure you always take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. [steps off soap box].
Well, tonight was a great meeting and it led to this pitiful blog post. I imagine many more of you are interested in the life and times of a felon, than one of a recovering compulsive gambler. I am both these things and many more. I cannot separate the identities I have. I've made many, many mistakes in my life. They started when I was young and unable to understand the decisions/choices I was making. Each led to another and those led to my being a compulsive gambler and that led me to make the worst mistake of my life and hurt everyone I cared about and a community that had been my home. Today, it leads me to want to go into Criminal Justice and help others who may find themselves on a doorstep not so different than my own. While I hate what compulsive gambling did to my life and the people I hurt, I am actually glad that I am one - because it has made me a better person and has given me the insight into the lives of so many people that are misunderstood in our societies. I was saying at the meeting tonight that we have no recovering gambler role models. There are AA and NA role models in the world. However, there are no well-known GA role models. People don't understand our addiction. Maybe I can be one of the hundreds of thousands of people that can help make that change. Yep, it was a great meeting tonight.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Letting the Control Go
My struggle, as with so many others, is trying to control things that are simply outside my control - which entails all people, places, and things. I don't really try to control people or places, but I certainly do things... but sometimes that does cross over to people and places. My anxiety I wrote about in the middle of the night was connected to this. I want to control both the University and the people working in admissions to tell me the status of my admission on my terms - not theirs. I will always find anxiety and disappointment when I put expectations on others. Truth is, whether or not I know my status tomorrow or next week, it will not matter. I just need to know before the 13th for my assistantship to be able to start officially the following week when it should. That is still several days away, so, I need to allow the people, places, and things responsible for helping make that occur to do their jobs and I need to LET GO.
Perhaps you can tell, but I did have a much better day today. After sleeping nearly 10 hours last night, I woke up bright eyes and bushy tailed and as Sporty put it, "really nerdy today!" I was cracking jokes, making funny accents, and just generally having more pep in my walk. I went into work a little early and immediately produced some good stuff for my supervisor and didn't push her on whether she'd talked to admissions or not. I didn't need to know.
Later in the morning, my supervisor did talk to me about having called admissions and that the conversation went something like this:
"She is admitted and she has gotten all the documents in that we need. We are just waiting for some additional documents..." From whom and from where is unknown to my supervisor and myself. They also said that it could be 10 days (from last Thursday) before we know my status. Well, okay. They said that they told me that, but I would've definitely remembered them giving me a timeline - and they did not. They indicated to me that they would quickly process it because fall semester is about to begin. Oh well - release control!
So, I felt that it was important to let the criminal justice department know what was happening. This is what I wrote to the Director who I first spoke with when I went to visit the department:
While usually the statement that we cannot control people, places, or things comes from our inability to get what we want. However, in this case, it appears that although I couldn't control people, places, or things today, several people went out on a limb on my behalf on their own. I released control and good things happened. I do not know and cannot control what the University admissions decision will be or when I will receive the news. However, I know that there are many people who have my back through this process and I need to just allow everyone to do what they need to do and I need to get out of the way and stop trying to control everything!
Perhaps you can tell, but I did have a much better day today. After sleeping nearly 10 hours last night, I woke up bright eyes and bushy tailed and as Sporty put it, "really nerdy today!" I was cracking jokes, making funny accents, and just generally having more pep in my walk. I went into work a little early and immediately produced some good stuff for my supervisor and didn't push her on whether she'd talked to admissions or not. I didn't need to know.
Later in the morning, my supervisor did talk to me about having called admissions and that the conversation went something like this:
"She is admitted and she has gotten all the documents in that we need. We are just waiting for some additional documents..." From whom and from where is unknown to my supervisor and myself. They also said that it could be 10 days (from last Thursday) before we know my status. Well, okay. They said that they told me that, but I would've definitely remembered them giving me a timeline - and they did not. They indicated to me that they would quickly process it because fall semester is about to begin. Oh well - release control!
So, I felt that it was important to let the criminal justice department know what was happening. This is what I wrote to the Director who I first spoke with when I went to visit the department:
"I wanted to give you an update on my admissions status at [the University]. I am very excited to be starting courses with the Criminal Justice program later this month. I just want to make you aware that my admissions has been put on hold at the Admissions office, due to my background of having a felony. It has been on hold since July 7th. They are checking to ensure I am not a harm to the University or community. I am not sure the standard they use in that decision. They told me that I should know my status soon, but I do not know when. I just wanted to inform you of this because I have been unable to register for my courses, although I already have them "planned" and will immediately register and officially enroll once my background is cleared. I, also, thought it would be best to let someone in the department know of the hold on my admission. Please let me know if you have any questions/concerns."At first, I received a basic response that they appreciate me contacting them and will file my note. Just a few minutes later, though, I received this email from someone else from the Department:
"Thank you... The School of Criminal Justice has asked the Office of Admissions to lift the hold and process admission. Our request must first be approved by the College of Social Science and the Graduate School, but I do not anticipate much more delay. Have a good afternoon, and I'll keep an eye on your admission status as well!"It was such a pleasant surprise that they did this on my behalf. I cannot control the actions of the College of Social Science or the Graduate School (and as you know I have history with the graduate school), but it means so much that the Department is willing to do what they can to get me through the admission process without my having to ask.
While usually the statement that we cannot control people, places, or things comes from our inability to get what we want. However, in this case, it appears that although I couldn't control people, places, or things today, several people went out on a limb on my behalf on their own. I released control and good things happened. I do not know and cannot control what the University admissions decision will be or when I will receive the news. However, I know that there are many people who have my back through this process and I need to just allow everyone to do what they need to do and I need to get out of the way and stop trying to control everything!
Why I didn't blog yesterday and am instead doing it at 3am
Yesterday was a typical day for someone with HIGH ANXIETY! Okay, I have not heard from my school yet. My boss is pushing me because she needs to get me in the system as a grad assistant before August 15th plus she can't pay me the stipend donated to me for the summer until I'm officially a student and she needs to pay me that before I'm in as a grad assistant and all these things take time to process and I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM ADMISSIONS YET.
Okay, the serenity prayer is played in my head every time I think of these things. Everything will be okay... But, but, but,... What if they think I'm a threat to the university community - me being a big ole felon and all. It's a very large University, which I was reminded of by my doctor yesterday and she said, "they are just so big, they make broad decisions and don't think about the person." Plus my boss yesterday said, "I know you, but they don't." In other words, they may actually think I am somehow a threat to the community. What?!?!?
How can I allow my head to go to all these bad places? I'm always so positive, right? Yesterday, though, I must've woken on the wrong side of the bed because my day included:
- ordering breakfast, paying for it, and then driving off without stopping at the window to pick up my food
- interrupting a meeting in my bosses office twice because I kept forgetting things I needed in order to park on campus
- allowing the car battery to die and needing a jump from campus police when I sat in the car without actually starting the ignition
I did have a fantastic doctor's appointment with a new doc though. She was so thorough and my appointment lasted about 1 1/2 hours and I was seeing someone the entire time. She wants to start me back on my migraine meds, even though I had less migraines at Carswell. It could be the difference in air pressure or something in the environment that triggers them and I have gotten a lot of headaches lately. Surprisingly, the medication was immediately approved by Medicaid even though it wasn't on their list of approved meds. I also got a tetanus shot with whooping cough as well. I couldn't remember when I'd last had the tetanus shot (how does anyone remember those things?). I guess I'll have this handy blog to remind me in the future! By the way, my arm is sore at the muscle they shot me in. Oh well, just another ache and pain.
So after the doctor's appointment I drove six miles out of the way to pick up Sporty from work (I had her car) because I absolutely knew the back way to her work (failure!). We ate dinner. Took Superdog for a walk. Had a headache. Then, I fell asleep at 7:30pm and just woke up around 3:15 am - still in my clothes from yesterday!
Yep, it was a day. I really believed that I would hear by yesterday the status of my university admission. In eight days, my grad assistantship is scheduled to start. I still have twenty days til classes are starting. So, I'm putting all my hope and energy to the universe today that we get word of my admission TODAY and that my work can start their paperwork and I'll know I'm soon to be receiving paychecks and I can register for my classes and I can go buy cool school supplies (I love school supplies!) and my life will be on this exciting new path in criminal justice!
Just a little thing to ask that is entirely outside my control to make happen. Why is my life always a suspense novel???
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
The Reality of Freedom
Today was a simple day. There were massive thunderstorms last night, so Superdog woke me up shaking, which meant I needed to sleep in a bit. I decided to work from home today and had my boss' blessing to do so. I never changed out of my pj's until after noon.
I worked most of the day preparing reports for work in fun, creative, and informative ways. I took a break around 2pm and did a 1980's jazz aerobic exercise routine that I found on the tv. I heated up my lunch in the microwave and I ate while watching a CNN movie off the DVR.
After Sporty got home, we walked to a restaurant about two blocks from here and enjoyed splitting a soup and sandwich. My student I.D. got us 20% off the bill. I sat on my front stoop and let Superdog do her business on the grass. I spent a while entering bills into electronic payments and deposited a small check via e-deposit through my phone.
Tonight, I did the dishes and loaded the dishwasher. I watched the 7th episode of 24: Live Another Day. I also talked with my mom. Later, I went to my room and read some daily readers with Sporty. I pet Superdog and she is laying beside my bed.
The day wasn't extraordinary, but it was perfect. There are few good days when you are locked up. I'll be perfectly content with many days just like today. We take freedom for granted so often. We always want extraordinary. What we don't realize is that it is the simplest of things that make a day great - and it starts with being grateful for everything we have - including freedom!
Monday, August 4, 2014
Headache
Before my incarceration, I was on a daily migraine medication. I would get headaches all the time. I'd wake up with them and sometimes I'd just have to lay in a dark room for hours.
I'd had these headaches for years, but only got on the medication a couple months before Carswell. The medication seemed to work, and I only fought about 1/4 the number of headaches. Much more manageable. Other migraine meds didn't work, so I was happy to find one that did.
The one medication that Carswell never approved was my migraine medication. I tried to get it, but it was an absolute refusal from day one. Fighting for my enbrel was most important. Amazingly, I got far less headaches than ever before off medication. I only had a handful of really bad ones the entire time I was incarcerated. Maybe, just maybe, I didn't need the medication anymore.
Since I've been home, my headaches have returned. I now see them come on after meals or in the morning. Perhaps it is an allergy reaction or something in food that I didn't have much exposure to at Carswell.
Someone said that maybe it is stress. I, however, do not think that is possible. If it was stress induced, I would have had my headaches every day incarcerated! Plus, my stressors today are nothing like the stressors of my past.
In a weird way, perhaps Carswell did me a favor. I was able to learn the imputus for my constant headaches and maybe, now, I will be able to find the exact cause. We never know what good can come out of bad. It may take me a while to find the exact cause, but I think I'm on the right track. In the meantime, I need to go take some aspirin and sleep off this headache.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
The Art of Dogsitting
Over the past several days, I have been dogsitting. It's been a blast spending time with these two dogs. They are kind, trusting, funny, and love to be pet. They also enjoy licking - everywhere, including the feet (that tickles). We all took a nap together and to wake me up, one of them licked my ear! I'm glad I chose to dogsit and to get to know these two wonderful animals better.
The thing is that they are pitbulls. Like so many others, I've always heard bad stories about pitbulls, but I also knew that it depends on how one loves and trains the dogs. "Pitbulls are dangerous," "deadly," "mean," etc., are often heard. Some places that allow you to live with dogs, won't allow pitbulls. They really get a bad rap!
Isn't it so similar to how people think of felons? "Felons are dangerous," is what we hear. Yet, not all felons are- just like not all pitbulls are. If you try to rent an apartment as a felon, you get the same denial you do with a pitbull. So, is it that felons = pitbulls? In the eyes of society, which is more dangerous?
I challenge everyone to rethink the generalizations they make about any group. Pitbulls can be trained into killers, humans can too. However, no pitbull is born a killer and no human is either. Not all felons are killers. Not all pitbulls are either.
These two sweeties certainly have a big bark, but they are as gentle as any well-behaved dog I've known! We must be kindred spirits. The world sees us as bad when, in reality, we only want to make the world a better place!