A Halfway House for Freckles

Before parting, I asked Freckles to be part of the future of this blog. I wanted her experience in her HWH to be able to be here since my HWH experience was so uncommon. Freckles was part of the RDAP (drug and alcohol program) at Carswell and was then released to a federal halfway house for an extended HWH stay where she needed to do continued drug/alcohol check-ins and programming. It has been about six months and her first installment has arrived for the blog:

Upon arrival I was terrified. I'm not sure why all the housing is located in the ghetto's of each city but that is the trend, so be prepared. In my area, the house is located in a neighborhood that I have never frequented and for sure would never head into as a white female after dark unescorted. But unfortunately, each night after work I headed back to a crime ridden area around 9pm - very dark at that time in my Midwestern state and had to go to the door and ring a bell and wait to be let in.  Most of the times the staff is very prompt at buzzing you in - but there are instances where you will wait. While waiting, you see the blood stains on the wheelchair ramp where a former resident got beat and had his money stolen from him, you watch the drug deals go on right in front of your face either from car windows or half opened crack house doors. It's terrifying - thank goodness most of the other residents recognized what a "square" I was, and were there to protect me and help me adjust. Which to this day is the one thing I find amazing about this place - regardless of color, background, felony charge, or "class status"; most of the people are just "people" and willing to help you out when needed (even while nicknaming you Martha Stewart or the square).

I cried the first night there - wishing I was back in Texas. Yes, I was longing for CarsHell compared to this dump. I was informed by another female resident that this was a "trap" house. Well, apparently that is "ghetto slang" for a drug house. And that's truly what goes on - there are tons of people smoking K-2 (which is "fake pot"), alcohol is sneaked in or thrown over the fence on a daily basis so you have the residents getting their "drink on" and then you have the occasional resident who sneaks off to another major city or State to hit the strip clubs during their so called "working" hours because they have someone to cover for them.

I obviously got over the wanting to go back to Texas and realized the positives outweighed the negatives of the halfway house. I was now only about 30 minutes from home and much closer to family. I was allowed a cell phone, so could talk to everyone as much as I wanted or whatever hours I wanted. For the first week you are trapped there - no movement whatsoever except to go to their doctor for a physical. You are allowed visitors on weekends, my sister and mom only came once, due to the neighborhood, they were not coming back but I don't blame them. Before prison, I wouldn't have come back either - another humility lesson that only prison can teach a person.

But like prison, your "cellie" makes a huge difference, not too long after getting there, my "funky bunky" as I called her, got hauled off by the marshalls (what a surprise, haha) and I had the room to myself for a bit which was nice, but also a bit odd since I had just spent the past year with no alone time period. So adjusting to "quiet" and alone time were also big obstacles. But you get over it quick and sleeping in a dark, quiet room are very much appreciated!

My strongest words of advice are do not forget where you came from, because you can easily be put back there and also remember that you are still in BOP custody and while at the "half wit" house and BOP still stands for "backwards on purpose". I am still in custody and will be until 3/30. So I will keep sending blurbs regarding the transition that hopefully can shed some light on what to expect. I'm not trying to scare anyone, but be prepared for the worst, but make the best out of it. You're almost done with your prison ordeal and now is time to move forward and keep your energy positive and yourself focused....until later, Freckles.

As you can tell, Freckles can be a bit blunt. Gotta love her! She was my rock at Carswell and by far one of the smartest people I know. She certainly comes from a class privilege above mine, so she's experiencing things for the first time from a point of view that I think is valuable to hear from. At times it may sound like she's being judgmental, but the funniest thing is that Freckles is the person who makes friends with everyone and has the biggest smile and laugh and makes everyone else smile. She's right, though, they will make up names for her just because of her being naive. It's more in fun than in judgment.

I hope it's okay that I include some of her experiences here as she chooses to add to the blog. Communication restrictions make it hard for me to know much of anything, but perhaps this blog is a nice way of allowing us to stay connected through supervision. Feel free to ask her questions through comments as I know she reads the blog as well.