My Lower Extremities

I'm part of a research study. I'm not the researcher, but the one being researched. At the local medical school, they asked for volunteers of people with chronic health issues to pair up with first year medical students so that the students could learn about issues patients face in medical care. It's really cool! I guess I'm one of the more interesting volunteers and much younger than most.

About once a month, two young medical students come over and spend an hour with me. They ask questions, but mostly it's a conversation. I tell them stories of the medical care I've received - doctors advice that worked, bad stories, having to teach my own docs, things like that. This last week, they asked a question that stuck with me, though, what worries me health wise in the future? I couldn't lie. It's my lower extremities.

Prior to my diagnosis and possibly connected or not, I've had six ACL related surgeries on my right knee. The last one was great and my knee seems to be working great, but there is arthritis from all the surgeries and a lack of meniscus. That I can live with.

The real problem is my pain and problems on a daily basis with my lower extremities in general. The worst is from just below my knees to my Achilles and ankles. It's also in my hips. In the past, I've had to use a cane to help me walk. Some days, I'm a good walker, but then I realize that even on my good days, when I think I'm walking good, I'm still limping along way slower than even the slowest walkers. Yet, these are the good days.

So, my worry for the future is that my legs won't hold up. No matter how much I try to stay active, my legs for some reason will not let me. I'm eating healthier. I'm moving more (still wear my Fitbit). I see my doctors. I take my medications. Yet, I'm only 42 years old. If I have this much pain and discomfort now, what will it be like 5-10 years or 25 years from now? I don't want to be in a wheelchair or have to use a walker as a young woman.

Well, that was my answer... But then I came back to reality. Today, I can walk! Today, I don't need to use any aids to help me. Today, I have choices. I had to answer their question and I answered it honestly, but I cannot live in the fears of a future where anything could happen. A medication could come along and make me feel better, I may start feeling like I did last spring again sometime soon (I hope), anything is possible.

Sure there is always fear of the worse to happen in the future, but there are hopes as well. I will concentrate on those instead. For today, I will walk.