Divorced Parents

I always envy those divorced parents who are still friendly and can be friends after the chaos of separation. I have a friend whose parents still spend holidays together. There is her and her son, her mom and step- father, and her dad. Her step-mom used to be there too, but she passed away a few years back unexpectedly. Her mom and her dad are still best friends, but they just were not meant to "be together." Wow, how adjusted is that family?!?

I supposed my family is much more typical. My mom and dad never speak. My dad happened to live across the street and about a dozen houses down from where my mom lives before moving to another state, and my mom never knew he lived so close by. Their spouses hate one another. Everyone bad mouths each other. They complained to my sister and I about one another from the time of their separation until present. Nothing has been amicable.

The hardest part is when there is a celebration or a funereal that forces them into the same place. High school and college graduations they could sit separately, so the difficulty was on my sister and I having to try to make them both happy separating our time in celebrations. Out of town graduations, especially my law schools graduation, got sketchy, due to my step-mom saying something nasty about my mom to my grandpa. Keeping them apart is really important.

We've had a couple funerals lately and after 20+ years of divorce, you'd think things would be calmer, but the stress is still there. Mostly on my maternal side. I think because of protecting my sister, who has not had a relationship with my father in 17 years. Complicated family relationships.

Just this morning I learned that the cancer has spread to his eye and nose. So now my realization is that I don't even know if he will be able to be there and if he is, what kind of condition he will be in. One year ago, I was told his cancer was a death sentence. It had spread to his brain. Then we'd been given so many mixed messages. He's now had it in his bladder, brain, hip, eye, and nose. My poor dad. I love him and I care about him and I pray he will be able to be at my wedding. Most of all, though, I just pray for his health. The weekend of my sisters wedding he asked me if he will be included in my wedding because he wasn't in hers, and I said, "yes," so if that's what he wants then Dad, please have the strength to be here. Most of all, have the strength to FIGHT CANCER!!!!

Having divorced parents that do not get along can be difficult, but I choose to look within myself to figure out what I need to do in my relationships. I honestly understand that my sister has hurt feelings for a reason, my mom does as well. I love both of them. I chose to rebuild my relationship with my father for my own reasons. I will never forget the past, but I do practice forgiveness.

Right now I is the time to practice prayers.