I am smiling. A real smile! I just got notice that the funds to pay for my SPO purchases are being held against my account. This may sound bad, but SPO is what we call our craft supplies!!! I ordered items to make my own cards. I'm really excited to know that it went through. I get really bored just writing on lined paper. With these supplies, I can be more creative and have some "me" time making fun cards. I guess I should warn all my friends that I will be sending them really cheesy cards - as I am not all that creative - but I will try!!!
Creativity, here, is amazing. There is one woman who paints reading glasses for folks in our unit. The reading glasses they buy here are black. She uses her paints to put fun designs on the frames - they are super cute and creative. Another inmate is nearly done creating a beautiful blanket. Her crochet skills are incredible and the blanket could probably sell for a lot of money on the outside. Some inmates made cards for people. If I do, I will not charge, as that is against the rules here, however, the other inmates do. How we pay for these items is through commissary purchases that they request. Once again, it is against the rules, and the consequences can be severe, but for some people, it is their only way to purchase their needs. There are women who cut hair, women who do braids, women who make teddy bears, women who decorate mp3 players, women who decorate rooms for birthdays, women who create large drawings, women who make crochet animals, women who do needlepoint, women who make meals/desserts, etc. For a price, someone in every unit will create what it is you want. Sometimes the price is very high. Sometimes, it is shockingly low. I'm always impressed seeing how much work goes into each project - they are not earning a good hourly wage, but, then again, we are in prison.
I'm glad I will soon have my supplies, in order to enjoy time being creative. I love my work, but there is a lot of stress that comes with the job as well. The head teacher continues to degrade me in front of my students. My students always look at me and cannot fathom why she has a stick up her butt about me, but she does. I have never even had a real conversation with her. When I tried, she was short with me and walked away. I guess being an inmate puts me on the bottom of the mud pit... but she will allow me to teach the students. Makes no sense. My students are doing great! Yesterday, they all turned in two well-written paragraphs. Such growth in one week! The head teacher wants them to be writing 5 paragraph essays already, but they are still learning transitions, proper punctuation, and structure. Plus, Ms. W., the teacher who has been working in my room, is not going to be there for very long. A new teacher, or Ms. N., will be in her place. A new teacher means that anything we do curriculum-wise will need to be redone when they come. The students are seeking to have some consistency - they have been through 3 former tutors and now 2 teachers. They just need someone who gets to know them, their strengths and weaknesses, to stay. But, I reminded myself just a bit ago, I am NOT here to teach GED students. I am here to do my time and go home. I need not care as much as I do. I may not be able to help it, but I need to distance myself. It is a very rewarding job, but I am still just an inmate.
That is why the ability to be creative is so important for me. I can care about what I do. Also, I've slowed down majorly in writing people. I just don't have anything new to share. Every day here is about the same, except for the gossip (called "inmate.com," even though it has nothing to do with computers). No one needs to hear about a bunch of prison gossip. So often, we learn it is not true anyway. So, making cards will be a positive outlet - lie to me and tell me that you love my cards!
A blog about a woman sentenced to one year and one day in a federal women's prison camp and was sent to FMC Carswell for a crime related to her history of compulsive gambling.
Highlights
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Saturday, October 5, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
From Dragonfly: Cinderblock Walls
Every morning I wake up and face a cinder block wall. Due to the size of the rooms, each bunk bed is up against a side wall. I usually wake facing that wall. It represents so many things to me. I, often, reach out and touch the wall. It is very sturdy and white. I want to push it down, but of course I can't. I just don't want to be behind these walls anymore. I spend my time in recovery breaking down my personal walls, and now I literally have necessary walls that keep me in. Emotions are bad in prison. Having personal walls is good.
I, also, have walls to ensure that no one can access my private information. I keep all my stuff in a locked locker. I keep my thoughts in my mind. I keep my friends at a distance (those inside and outside of prison). It is impossible to fully explain what it is like here day in and day out. This place encourages an unhealthy way of life in every way.
I have a friend who received bad news lately. Her answer to this news... "I want to go smoke." Somehow, she has access to cigarettes and a place where she will not get caught smoking. The punishment for getting caught is time in the SHU, loss of email, loss of phone, and loss of other privileges. It doesn't matter. She just wants to "escape" her reality here for a nice long drag on a cigarette. Another inmate, overdosed on pills she bought on the underground market here. Anyone who wants to get "high," finds a way to do it. The walls here are not big enough to block the conduct of people who are desperate.
I can't say that I am really that different from myself outside these walls. I was always trying to follow the rules. I was a teacher's pet as a kid. This will surprise none of my friends. I always tried to avoid anything that could bring punishment. I guess I was punishing myself enough with self-destructive thoughts and behavior. There are some others here who appear to be a lot like me. We have never been in a physical fight (although, I realize I did fight back as a child against my sister once in a while). We have never been in trouble in school or work (except for the disastrous crimes that brought us on this side of the walls). The thing is that, most of us, never intended to hurt others or cause havoc. We got stuck, somehow, in our lives, our trust in others, or addictions. Our crimes are a result of that behavior - not the desire to cause havoc or break the law.
This morning, I was talking with Freckles about the women, here, who spends a ton of time and money on makeup. While I am behind these walls, I really care not about what I look like. There is no one to impress. I'm more comfortable just being "me." Freckles pointed out, correctly, that putting on the makeup may help these women feel just a little more normal, than we are able to feel while incarcerated. If they would do their hair and make-up every morning at home, being able to do it here gives them just a bit of normalcy, and perhaps control. I indicated that many of them are also trying to impress other women here. She agreed. However, it is important to try and keep a little of yourself while inside the walls.
For me, the opportunity to teach, is the thing that keeps me grounded. While my student is slightly different here than outside the walls, the opportunity to teach and learn remains the same. I still love the moment that I can see my students "click" with the concepts and gain understanding. Last week, almost none of my students knew how to properly write a sentence (there are some exceptions, of course). Today, most of the students wrote two full paragraphs! They are even getting their punctuation right. It brings me such joy. Yes, there is joy inside the walls. It is not the same joy as outside, but the ability to smile is wonderful.
Forty new inmates walked inside these walls this week (so far). They came through the Oklahoma transfer center, so they all spent some time inside some walls before arriving here. But the walls at Carswell are slightly taller here. They are more stringent. The walls are more demanding. I see their fear and their tears. Some have horrible roommates, like I had in the past. Some, can't believe they were transferred so far from home. It is hard to see past these walls to our future or opportunities for good. But, it is possible. Yes, I wake up and look at a cinder block wall every morning. I believe that one day, I will be successful, and my push will have impact. It will be the last push I do, and I will be walking outside the walls.
I, also, have walls to ensure that no one can access my private information. I keep all my stuff in a locked locker. I keep my thoughts in my mind. I keep my friends at a distance (those inside and outside of prison). It is impossible to fully explain what it is like here day in and day out. This place encourages an unhealthy way of life in every way.
I have a friend who received bad news lately. Her answer to this news... "I want to go smoke." Somehow, she has access to cigarettes and a place where she will not get caught smoking. The punishment for getting caught is time in the SHU, loss of email, loss of phone, and loss of other privileges. It doesn't matter. She just wants to "escape" her reality here for a nice long drag on a cigarette. Another inmate, overdosed on pills she bought on the underground market here. Anyone who wants to get "high," finds a way to do it. The walls here are not big enough to block the conduct of people who are desperate.
I can't say that I am really that different from myself outside these walls. I was always trying to follow the rules. I was a teacher's pet as a kid. This will surprise none of my friends. I always tried to avoid anything that could bring punishment. I guess I was punishing myself enough with self-destructive thoughts and behavior. There are some others here who appear to be a lot like me. We have never been in a physical fight (although, I realize I did fight back as a child against my sister once in a while). We have never been in trouble in school or work (except for the disastrous crimes that brought us on this side of the walls). The thing is that, most of us, never intended to hurt others or cause havoc. We got stuck, somehow, in our lives, our trust in others, or addictions. Our crimes are a result of that behavior - not the desire to cause havoc or break the law.
This morning, I was talking with Freckles about the women, here, who spends a ton of time and money on makeup. While I am behind these walls, I really care not about what I look like. There is no one to impress. I'm more comfortable just being "me." Freckles pointed out, correctly, that putting on the makeup may help these women feel just a little more normal, than we are able to feel while incarcerated. If they would do their hair and make-up every morning at home, being able to do it here gives them just a bit of normalcy, and perhaps control. I indicated that many of them are also trying to impress other women here. She agreed. However, it is important to try and keep a little of yourself while inside the walls.
For me, the opportunity to teach, is the thing that keeps me grounded. While my student is slightly different here than outside the walls, the opportunity to teach and learn remains the same. I still love the moment that I can see my students "click" with the concepts and gain understanding. Last week, almost none of my students knew how to properly write a sentence (there are some exceptions, of course). Today, most of the students wrote two full paragraphs! They are even getting their punctuation right. It brings me such joy. Yes, there is joy inside the walls. It is not the same joy as outside, but the ability to smile is wonderful.
Forty new inmates walked inside these walls this week (so far). They came through the Oklahoma transfer center, so they all spent some time inside some walls before arriving here. But the walls at Carswell are slightly taller here. They are more stringent. The walls are more demanding. I see their fear and their tears. Some have horrible roommates, like I had in the past. Some, can't believe they were transferred so far from home. It is hard to see past these walls to our future or opportunities for good. But, it is possible. Yes, I wake up and look at a cinder block wall every morning. I believe that one day, I will be successful, and my push will have impact. It will be the last push I do, and I will be walking outside the walls.
From Dragonfly: A New Teacher
Yesterday, a new teacher, Ms. W., was assigned to my classes until Ms. N. returns. Ms. W. is brand new to education, but has worked for many years as a C.O. in the institution. Some students really do not like her, but it is my first days working with her, and she seems like she wants to teach, so that is good. She is also deferring to me about the curriculum so far, but we are about to write a couple weeks of science curriculum, so that will be a joint decision. So far, she has liked the curriculum I am doing to help students brainstorm essays and then write their introduction paragraphs. For some students, it has been so long since they were in school, and they dropped out so early in life, that just getting them to understand a sentence is what we need to do. Others, seem to be accomplished writers. I love it when I see someone struggling "get it" and start excelling with their work. It is very rewarding. I always tell my students, "good work." I also let them know that it is okay to struggle, as long as they are trying. We then work 1-on-1 until they understand. With Ms. W. in the room, not both of us can work 1-on-1 with different students. Plus, she can tell people to pay attention, which I am not allowed to do. She can discipline them worse, as well. I've enjoyed teaching yesterday and today! Also, several students told Ms. W. behind my back that I am a good tutor and teacher. It was nice that they said that unsolicited.
Nothing is ever perfect, though. Several of the "tutors" are getting very frustrated with the job. We are paid less than the kitchen workers (even the dish washers). We are not given first priority at meals, while facility workers do, even though we must be at work on time. We sometimes can't do our commissary shopping, if we have a call-out the morning of our commissary day, because education does not want us shopping during the lunch break (in case it takes too long). Also, some workers get commissary priority, but tutors do not (once again, we still need to figure out how to be at work on time). We are given very little time to be in the email room. Blah, blah, blah. All these issues are true, but I am SOOOO glad I am a tutor and not a dish washer. I am SOOOO glad I am a tutor and not trying to paint walls. I feel like every day at work, I am using my interest in the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning with both the educators and the students. I am shifting the classroom from just summative assessment, to formative assessment as well. Not everything needs a grade, but everything should be used to guide the student's level of learning and understanding. Tomorrow, I think I am going to try the bulls eye formative assessment activity that I learned from colleagues when we were in South Africa. Yesterday, I did the "fly swatter" game - where I asked students to reduce several fractions and they used a fly swatter to point to the correct answer on the board. They had fun and they pretty much got it all correct, even though they were solving the problems in their head!!
I am recommending 4 students for pre-GED testing to see if they may be ready for the big test. I am not sure how they will score, but I hope to see some of my students obtain their GED while I am still here. Although, if it was a choice to tutor or go home, I will definitely choose home. I have had no answer on lowering my "care level". I've talked with 2 people at medical and submitted 3 cop-outs so far. Everything takes time and persistence here!! Just like the work of learning in order to pass the GED test!
Off to class!!!!
Nothing is ever perfect, though. Several of the "tutors" are getting very frustrated with the job. We are paid less than the kitchen workers (even the dish washers). We are not given first priority at meals, while facility workers do, even though we must be at work on time. We sometimes can't do our commissary shopping, if we have a call-out the morning of our commissary day, because education does not want us shopping during the lunch break (in case it takes too long). Also, some workers get commissary priority, but tutors do not (once again, we still need to figure out how to be at work on time). We are given very little time to be in the email room. Blah, blah, blah. All these issues are true, but I am SOOOO glad I am a tutor and not a dish washer. I am SOOOO glad I am a tutor and not trying to paint walls. I feel like every day at work, I am using my interest in the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning with both the educators and the students. I am shifting the classroom from just summative assessment, to formative assessment as well. Not everything needs a grade, but everything should be used to guide the student's level of learning and understanding. Tomorrow, I think I am going to try the bulls eye formative assessment activity that I learned from colleagues when we were in South Africa. Yesterday, I did the "fly swatter" game - where I asked students to reduce several fractions and they used a fly swatter to point to the correct answer on the board. They had fun and they pretty much got it all correct, even though they were solving the problems in their head!!
I am recommending 4 students for pre-GED testing to see if they may be ready for the big test. I am not sure how they will score, but I hope to see some of my students obtain their GED while I am still here. Although, if it was a choice to tutor or go home, I will definitely choose home. I have had no answer on lowering my "care level". I've talked with 2 people at medical and submitted 3 cop-outs so far. Everything takes time and persistence here!! Just like the work of learning in order to pass the GED test!
Off to class!!!!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
From Sporty: Addendum to my visit with Dragonfly
I forgot to mention a few things in my recent post. When visiting an inmate at Carswell it is highly recommended that you find the location during the day when you can see where you are going. I attempted this in the very early morning when it was still dark out and it is very difficult to locate. It didn't come up on my GPS or my navigation system on my smart phone. It is very easy to mistaken Carswell Navy Base for Carswell Prison, as they are located right next to each other. You will drive through a residential area before reaching the gates of Carswell Prison.
Another important thing is to bring money for the vending machines in the visiting area. I was told to bring quarters, but all the machines do take $1 and $5 dollars bills and provide change. Partaking in the items from the vending machines seemed to be very enjoyable for many of the inmates, as this is a time they can eat different types of food that they are not able to get on the inside. The money that a visitor brings in the prison must be in a clear plastic purse or zip lock baggie. Money and your car keys are the only items they allow visitors to bring inside with them.
You may leave things in your car or there are lockers inside to secure your items before you go to the visitation room. I was told they will accommodate visitors who need to bring in prescription medication, but this is something I didn't do, so I don't know the procedures for this. I do know that once a visitor is in the visiting room, you may not leave the building and be allowed back in during that same day.
Sporty
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
From Dragonfly: Only an Inmate
Throughout the day, there are many times we are reminded that we are "only an inmate." There's when we stand count (and we are just a number), or when we are told we cannot leave a place, or when the washing machine is broken and we can't do anything about it. It is very humbling to be in the role of accepting ones status as "only an inmate." No matter who we are on the outside, we have none of that when we are in here. Our education does not matter. Our skills do not matter. We are all seen as the same. It is part of the freedom taken away.
Today, I had one of those moments to remind me that I am only an inmate. I am teaching my class about brainstorming ideas, themes, and outlines. We are moving towards writing essays. The class teacher is out ill. She has been to 2 days of my teaching in total. I am a tutor, but when she is not in the classroom, I must teach the material. I have designed curriculum, looked through our available materials, and worked hard to be ready for any day that the teacher is not there. Since she's only been in 2x due to her illness, most days, I must teach. I love teaching, so I have no complaints. Well, today, I was busy talking about the "outline" when another teacher (not my assigned teacher, but the head teacher) walked in my room and started observing. Then she says, "that is not the way we teach this." I tried to explain that we were moving toward the "mapping" exercises (the way we teach brainstorming) but that I was trying to show how it helps toward writing. She immediately told me to stop and that I can only teach straight from the GED book. I erased the board and we opened the book I had already been intending to use for exercises.
Two minutes later, another teacher came into the classroom and asked me to step out and brought me to a third teacher's office. I was 'informed' by the two teachers that whenever a teacher tells me to do something or questions anything I am doing, I am just to say, "thank you," and never talk back. Never, ever talk back. I am just an inmate. I am not to explain "why" I choose to teach a certain way. I am to follow directions. Period. So, I did. But, I know that my students get confused by the book and I have no leverage to help explain things further. Outlines are not allowed, only mapping, but not everyone is visual in that way. To me, the goal is that the students can write a GED essay, not the way in which they go about brainstorming their thoughts. It is about getting the students to the end goal in a way that is understandable to them.
However, I do not get to put in my input. I may spend 90% of the time with the students, but I am not allowed to use my skills to help them, except on an individual level. I must remember, always, I am just an inmate. Here, I am not a college graduate. I do not have a juris doctorate and I certainly am not studying toward a PhD in education. I do not know how to teach, here. I have no authority, here. I can be belittled in front of a classroom of students, here. I am an inmate.
Today, I had one of those moments to remind me that I am only an inmate. I am teaching my class about brainstorming ideas, themes, and outlines. We are moving towards writing essays. The class teacher is out ill. She has been to 2 days of my teaching in total. I am a tutor, but when she is not in the classroom, I must teach the material. I have designed curriculum, looked through our available materials, and worked hard to be ready for any day that the teacher is not there. Since she's only been in 2x due to her illness, most days, I must teach. I love teaching, so I have no complaints. Well, today, I was busy talking about the "outline" when another teacher (not my assigned teacher, but the head teacher) walked in my room and started observing. Then she says, "that is not the way we teach this." I tried to explain that we were moving toward the "mapping" exercises (the way we teach brainstorming) but that I was trying to show how it helps toward writing. She immediately told me to stop and that I can only teach straight from the GED book. I erased the board and we opened the book I had already been intending to use for exercises.
Two minutes later, another teacher came into the classroom and asked me to step out and brought me to a third teacher's office. I was 'informed' by the two teachers that whenever a teacher tells me to do something or questions anything I am doing, I am just to say, "thank you," and never talk back. Never, ever talk back. I am just an inmate. I am not to explain "why" I choose to teach a certain way. I am to follow directions. Period. So, I did. But, I know that my students get confused by the book and I have no leverage to help explain things further. Outlines are not allowed, only mapping, but not everyone is visual in that way. To me, the goal is that the students can write a GED essay, not the way in which they go about brainstorming their thoughts. It is about getting the students to the end goal in a way that is understandable to them.
However, I do not get to put in my input. I may spend 90% of the time with the students, but I am not allowed to use my skills to help them, except on an individual level. I must remember, always, I am just an inmate. Here, I am not a college graduate. I do not have a juris doctorate and I certainly am not studying toward a PhD in education. I do not know how to teach, here. I have no authority, here. I can be belittled in front of a classroom of students, here. I am an inmate.
From Dragonfly: Another Wonderful Visit
Sporty just left. We spent 5 hours together yesterday and about 5 1/2 hours together today. We never ran out of things to talk about, although both visits left me fatigued (all we did was sit, eat, and talk). I am so fortunate to have so many people who care about me and make my time here go by easier!! I asked Sporty to write up her experiences and she has agreed, so be looking for that soon!
Last night, an odd thing happened here. A woman in my unit brought me an article that she has from a local paper and said, "You're quoted in the paper!" I hadn't been interviewed for any articles that I know of, so I thought to myself, is it Dragonfly Hazel being quoted? Did someone pick something up off something I've written? But, once I was reading the article, I had my answer. See, I happen to have the exact SAME name as a well-known columnist - a columnist I highly do not agree with. The article was about a woman here in Carswell, Lynn Stewart, who is a 'political' prisoner based on her actions in defending a terrorist (as an attorney). She is dying from cancer and currently has less than 6 months to live. She does not want to die in prison. They have tried to get her compassionate release, but she has not yet been approved (only 24 people are approved annually for compassionate release). The article was more about the uses of compassionate release than Ms. Stewart. Anyway, the article quotes this columnist, who shares my name, and she said that she believes Ms. Stewart should never be released from prison and should die here. Well, these are definitely NOT my opinions, but since I have that same name, others here think I was the one being quoted. This could be a bad thing!!!!!! Except when it comes to the staff - who may think I'm on their side of things. This woman, who shares my name, has followed me around the country in many ways. I almost did not get a job once, because they thought I must be her. I have received messages for her, with people finding my number instead of hers. Friends have told me that they thought I was coming on TV, when in fact, it was her. We are a different ethnicity from one another (so that helps), but, since she is usually just writing her opinions, many people have no idea what she looks like.
Now, I have the reality that if people google our name, they will either think I am a closed minded writer or a horrible felon. Not sure she is happy to have my name either now!!!! An odd reality.
Last night, an odd thing happened here. A woman in my unit brought me an article that she has from a local paper and said, "You're quoted in the paper!" I hadn't been interviewed for any articles that I know of, so I thought to myself, is it Dragonfly Hazel being quoted? Did someone pick something up off something I've written? But, once I was reading the article, I had my answer. See, I happen to have the exact SAME name as a well-known columnist - a columnist I highly do not agree with. The article was about a woman here in Carswell, Lynn Stewart, who is a 'political' prisoner based on her actions in defending a terrorist (as an attorney). She is dying from cancer and currently has less than 6 months to live. She does not want to die in prison. They have tried to get her compassionate release, but she has not yet been approved (only 24 people are approved annually for compassionate release). The article was more about the uses of compassionate release than Ms. Stewart. Anyway, the article quotes this columnist, who shares my name, and she said that she believes Ms. Stewart should never be released from prison and should die here. Well, these are definitely NOT my opinions, but since I have that same name, others here think I was the one being quoted. This could be a bad thing!!!!!! Except when it comes to the staff - who may think I'm on their side of things. This woman, who shares my name, has followed me around the country in many ways. I almost did not get a job once, because they thought I must be her. I have received messages for her, with people finding my number instead of hers. Friends have told me that they thought I was coming on TV, when in fact, it was her. We are a different ethnicity from one another (so that helps), but, since she is usually just writing her opinions, many people have no idea what she looks like.
Now, I have the reality that if people google our name, they will either think I am a closed minded writer or a horrible felon. Not sure she is happy to have my name either now!!!! An odd reality.
From Dragonfly: Sporty In Town
Today, Sporty came to visit me. It was a great visitation and she's coming back tomorrow. I asked her to write up her experience to share and she said, "okay." So, that should be coming soon. I thought I would spend a little time typing up some observations I've made about my incarceration. I have 96 written so far, so here are just a few:
- If you were at a prison camp with your medication for years, but sent here for evaluation, you will be told that you cannot transfer to a camp due to your medication.
- We will ask you to bring $1,000 of your medication with you to your self-surrender. We will throw away $1,000 of your medication upon surrender (just bring bottles and maybe 1 day's medicine with you).
- We will give you a shoe box with your new shoes and the materials your books arrive in. Shoe boxes and packing materials are contraband.
- Everyone in your room is responsible for the cleanliness of the room. If someone does not clean, well, we have no answer for that because everyone must clean. Fighting is not allowed, but make them clean.
- You can get everything and anything for a price, just don't ask where it came from.
- We have replaced our microwaves with hot water spickets. This should be an even trade.
- You may visit an inmate, as long as you have the ability to control young children after sitting in the car for 4 hours waiting.
- While talking to loved ones on the phone, we will remind them that you are in a "federal prison" at least 3x.
- You will need physical therapy when that cast comes off. There is one a 1 1/2 year wait for physical therapy.
- Please do not waste your food. If you cannot finish your food, please do not share your food.
- The best place to avoid trouble is in your room, on your bed. Unless you have a crazy roommate, in which case you will be safe in a toilet stall.
- We care not if you are 70 and retired, you still must get your GED.
- Trans guys must go by women's names here. Trans women must go by women's names here.
- We are told to look as good as possible - including ironing our uniforms. Some women take it a little further, ironing tshirts, sweats, and their underwear.
- We are referred to by our last names, but no one can say them correctly.
- If for some reason you are locked out of your email, we will press the reset button on Monday.
- You are required to record your name in order to use the phone system. When you call out, our system will recognize your voice and name once every 12 attempts. If you have a cold, you cannot use the phone system, because your voice will not be recognized.
- If you are new, we will house you in the bus stop with troublemakers and non-FRP payers. They will assist you in understanding facility rules.
- If you cut your hair short, you are a "stud" and will be well cared for by the femmes, whether you are homosexual or not.
- You will learn every meaning of the word, "fuck," within a week upon arrival.
- You must have your i.d. with you at all times. We are providing you with pocketless sweats.
- Your work will start at a rate of $0.12/hour of satisfactory work performance. This money should help you pay financial obligations and be saved toward release.
- If you do not receive adequate funds from the outside to pay your FRP, we will restrict your work income to $5.25/month.
- After one year in your job, you are eligible for a one-week paid vacation. Enjoy absolutely no change to your life the rest of your year incarcerated - only a little more time doing nothing productive.
- If you want to get your computation papers, please wait for 2 1/2 hours outside records on any Wednesday in order to be told to go to your counselor. Then, wait an hour to see your counselor, in order to be told to go to records.
- In order to accommodate everyone for laundry, your time may be at 4:45am or end at 2:00am.
- You are responsible for paying your FRP payment on time, however, we will not pay you enough to cover the payment, so please beg your family & friends to send you funds early each month.
- 50% of inmates speak spanish as their first language, for that reason, 10% of the televisions are reserved for spanish language television shows. Ummm, is something unfair there?
- Shaved heads and mohawks are prohibited, unless you identify as a boi.
- It is important that you maintain communication with your family, especially your children. If you are in trouble, the first priviledge we take away is phone & email, so we can punish not only you, but your children.
- You can't stand more than 10 minutes, walk more than 2 blocks, or lift more than 20 pounds? You are approved for food service!
- Personal hygiene is very important to not spread germs. However, our bathrooms are out of soap and towels.
- You must carry your own toilet paper at all times. If you run out, please avoid the toilets.
- We will provide you with a 2,500 calories/day diet. Don't gain weight!
- We offer a salad bar. It consists of iceburg lettuce. Enjoy this special addition to your meal.
- Welcome to prison. In 24 hours, we will provide you with your uniforms, pajamas, underwear, bras, and a pillow. For tonight, enjoy the oversized uniform that publically says your size on it in blank parker 20 times and a blanket. No change of clothes. No pillow. Good luck.
- You self-surrendered and have never been under attest or in handcuffs, but since you have to see a specialist, outside the medical facility, we are putting you in wrist and ankle shackles.
- If you have a medical issue, we will put you in a more secured prison (even though you are unable to run) and you will have less time at home because you are ineligible for halfway houses.
- Oh, you have a bite that has swollen your entire arm and causes paid on your entire right side? Here's some gauze and tape. Let us know if it gets worse.
- We have wonderful craft supplies for you to order so you can occupy your time in a healthy way. It will just take 3 months for shipping and handling.
- Sorry you don't know this rule I made up this morning, here's "extra duty" so you will know it in the future.
- No, we can't give you a non-formulary medication. Here's a medication that will make you sleep all day, so you won't notice any of your pain. You may need assistance standing for count.
- We have programs to help you with adjusting to life after prison which is available your last year incarcerated. There is a wait list, so you may need to wait over a year to attend sessions.
- You may have a past drug problem, but here's a narcotic to ease your pain.
- If you want taste in your food, purchase your own spices in the commissary. Those green beans look good, but have no taste.
And, writing these stupid things is how I keep myself busy...
- If you were at a prison camp with your medication for years, but sent here for evaluation, you will be told that you cannot transfer to a camp due to your medication.
- We will ask you to bring $1,000 of your medication with you to your self-surrender. We will throw away $1,000 of your medication upon surrender (just bring bottles and maybe 1 day's medicine with you).
- We will give you a shoe box with your new shoes and the materials your books arrive in. Shoe boxes and packing materials are contraband.
- Everyone in your room is responsible for the cleanliness of the room. If someone does not clean, well, we have no answer for that because everyone must clean. Fighting is not allowed, but make them clean.
- You can get everything and anything for a price, just don't ask where it came from.
- We have replaced our microwaves with hot water spickets. This should be an even trade.
- You may visit an inmate, as long as you have the ability to control young children after sitting in the car for 4 hours waiting.
- While talking to loved ones on the phone, we will remind them that you are in a "federal prison" at least 3x.
- You will need physical therapy when that cast comes off. There is one a 1 1/2 year wait for physical therapy.
- Please do not waste your food. If you cannot finish your food, please do not share your food.
- The best place to avoid trouble is in your room, on your bed. Unless you have a crazy roommate, in which case you will be safe in a toilet stall.
- We care not if you are 70 and retired, you still must get your GED.
- Trans guys must go by women's names here. Trans women must go by women's names here.
- We are told to look as good as possible - including ironing our uniforms. Some women take it a little further, ironing tshirts, sweats, and their underwear.
- We are referred to by our last names, but no one can say them correctly.
- If for some reason you are locked out of your email, we will press the reset button on Monday.
- You are required to record your name in order to use the phone system. When you call out, our system will recognize your voice and name once every 12 attempts. If you have a cold, you cannot use the phone system, because your voice will not be recognized.
- If you are new, we will house you in the bus stop with troublemakers and non-FRP payers. They will assist you in understanding facility rules.
- If you cut your hair short, you are a "stud" and will be well cared for by the femmes, whether you are homosexual or not.
- You will learn every meaning of the word, "fuck," within a week upon arrival.
- You must have your i.d. with you at all times. We are providing you with pocketless sweats.
- Your work will start at a rate of $0.12/hour of satisfactory work performance. This money should help you pay financial obligations and be saved toward release.
- If you do not receive adequate funds from the outside to pay your FRP, we will restrict your work income to $5.25/month.
- After one year in your job, you are eligible for a one-week paid vacation. Enjoy absolutely no change to your life the rest of your year incarcerated - only a little more time doing nothing productive.
- If you want to get your computation papers, please wait for 2 1/2 hours outside records on any Wednesday in order to be told to go to your counselor. Then, wait an hour to see your counselor, in order to be told to go to records.
- In order to accommodate everyone for laundry, your time may be at 4:45am or end at 2:00am.
- You are responsible for paying your FRP payment on time, however, we will not pay you enough to cover the payment, so please beg your family & friends to send you funds early each month.
- 50% of inmates speak spanish as their first language, for that reason, 10% of the televisions are reserved for spanish language television shows. Ummm, is something unfair there?
- Shaved heads and mohawks are prohibited, unless you identify as a boi.
- It is important that you maintain communication with your family, especially your children. If you are in trouble, the first priviledge we take away is phone & email, so we can punish not only you, but your children.
- You can't stand more than 10 minutes, walk more than 2 blocks, or lift more than 20 pounds? You are approved for food service!
- Personal hygiene is very important to not spread germs. However, our bathrooms are out of soap and towels.
- You must carry your own toilet paper at all times. If you run out, please avoid the toilets.
- We will provide you with a 2,500 calories/day diet. Don't gain weight!
- We offer a salad bar. It consists of iceburg lettuce. Enjoy this special addition to your meal.
- Welcome to prison. In 24 hours, we will provide you with your uniforms, pajamas, underwear, bras, and a pillow. For tonight, enjoy the oversized uniform that publically says your size on it in blank parker 20 times and a blanket. No change of clothes. No pillow. Good luck.
- You self-surrendered and have never been under attest or in handcuffs, but since you have to see a specialist, outside the medical facility, we are putting you in wrist and ankle shackles.
- If you have a medical issue, we will put you in a more secured prison (even though you are unable to run) and you will have less time at home because you are ineligible for halfway houses.
- Oh, you have a bite that has swollen your entire arm and causes paid on your entire right side? Here's some gauze and tape. Let us know if it gets worse.
- We have wonderful craft supplies for you to order so you can occupy your time in a healthy way. It will just take 3 months for shipping and handling.
- Sorry you don't know this rule I made up this morning, here's "extra duty" so you will know it in the future.
- No, we can't give you a non-formulary medication. Here's a medication that will make you sleep all day, so you won't notice any of your pain. You may need assistance standing for count.
- We have programs to help you with adjusting to life after prison which is available your last year incarcerated. There is a wait list, so you may need to wait over a year to attend sessions.
- You may have a past drug problem, but here's a narcotic to ease your pain.
- If you want taste in your food, purchase your own spices in the commissary. Those green beans look good, but have no taste.
And, writing these stupid things is how I keep myself busy...
From Sporty: My Two Visits with Dragonfly Hazel
Arrived FMC Carswell at 7:45 am and had about 30 cars in line in front of me. Gates open at 8am but didn't until 8:10.
Had to show guard at gate my
drivers license and proof of car insurance. I was in a rental car and
showed rental contract and my own insurance card that covers rental. Was
given a form and parking pass to put on dashboard. Drove to parking
lot, entered building, filled out short form, if you have inmates number
that's good or they will look it up. Placed form with my drivers
license paper clipped to it in box on counter and stood waiting, very
few chairs. Guard calls out name of inmate I was visiting and then I
went through metal
detectors and put personal belonging in bin with shoes just like at
airport. Then sign a paper, have hand stamped with invisible ink and
wait for guard to escort groups through a room with fluorescent lamp
that
shows your hand stamp. Then to visiting area. Dragonfly Hazel was in
visiting room
when I arrived and first saw her at 9:30am,
dressed in all Khaki uniform. We were allowed one hug and small kiss
upon arrival and one at departure. The meeting area is a large room with
seating similar to that at the
airport. Rows of chairs with some having a table in between chairs, but
most did not. We were able to change our seats once a seat with a table
opened up. We
had to sit in seat sideways in order to comfortably talk and be able to
face each other w out turning neck the whole time. We talked and I was
able to purchase things from vending machine for us.
She was not allowed at vending machine but could stand at a distance as
I read off what was in frozen food machine. One microwave was
available, so at times there may be a short wait to use, but not bad.
Food choices were all $4 each and included deli sandwiches,
cheeseburgers, breakfast sandwiches, buffalo chicken wings, mini tacos,
BBQ ribs, chili cheese dogs. I got her a breakfast sandwich and it was
very similar to what you would get at a fast food restaurant. I had
eaten before I arrived and would suggest others do the same. She wanted
an orange soda, something she enjoys and can't get inside. There were a
lot of families visiting, talking, eating, some crying.
They had a kids play room and it was nice to see inmates spending time
with their kids although it was sad as well. We talked for hours as we
both had so much to share. For lunch she had the mini tacos and they
were good! I had the wings and I don't recommend them! Other vending
machines had a variety of other items you would normally see in them. At
about 10:15 am
the lights flashed on and off signaling for all
inmates to approach desk and line up for a count (fyi: they shut down
the line of people coming in to visit during counts, so don't come
during the 10 o'clock hour). They were then told
that their bathroom breaks would be at 10:30 and 12:30.
They flash the
lights on and off when it's bathroom break time. When she went to
bathroom she told me a woman guard had to stand in there with her while
she went to make sure visitors weren't giving any inmates anything to
bring inside. Visitors use different restrooms, one family at a time and
you must obtain key from desk and sign for it. At 1pm inmates can take pictures with family. Inmates obtain picture
tickets ahead of time and the cost is $1 each. Dragonfly Hazel bought 2 tickets. An
inmate whose job is picture taking took our pics and will get them in
a week and she can send me one. They actually set up with a backdrop for
the photos. Visiting hour ends at 2:45 and we hugged before departing. She then got
in a line where she told me 4 inmates at a time will go into a room to
be strip searched before going back inside. Visitors are escorted out
where they pick up their drivers license and go thru room to show hand stamp
again then leave and return parking pass to guard at front gate.
Day 2
Arrived earlier this day at 6:50 am and had 15 cars in line in front of me. Gates opened at 8am and I reached visitation room and Dragonfly Hazel at 8:50am. Not much in machine for breakfast so she wanted to try the much talked about pizza and she enjoyed it. For lunch we shared a huge cheeseburger and it was ok but would have been better with condiments, there were none! Dragonfly Hazel wasn't feeling well and had a stiff neck and body aches, but she was happy to have the visit. It was a busier day for visitors and the guard made an announcement that if it became too crowded he may have to cut some of the visits short. When this happens they ask local visitors or frequent ones to leave and ones that traveled a great distance, like myself would be able to stay. Nobody was asked to leave early today. Dragonfly Hazel mentioned that mail call is the highlight of her week, so keep sending letters to your friends, family and loved ones if they are ever incarcerated....it means a lot to them to stay connected! I said goodbye and left at 2:40pm. We were happy to see each other and had two days of long visits and while it was great to see her, it was also sad, given the circumstances and the environment she is in.
Day 2
Arrived earlier this day at 6:50 am and had 15 cars in line in front of me. Gates opened at 8am and I reached visitation room and Dragonfly Hazel at 8:50am. Not much in machine for breakfast so she wanted to try the much talked about pizza and she enjoyed it. For lunch we shared a huge cheeseburger and it was ok but would have been better with condiments, there were none! Dragonfly Hazel wasn't feeling well and had a stiff neck and body aches, but she was happy to have the visit. It was a busier day for visitors and the guard made an announcement that if it became too crowded he may have to cut some of the visits short. When this happens they ask local visitors or frequent ones to leave and ones that traveled a great distance, like myself would be able to stay. Nobody was asked to leave early today. Dragonfly Hazel mentioned that mail call is the highlight of her week, so keep sending letters to your friends, family and loved ones if they are ever incarcerated....it means a lot to them to stay connected! I said goodbye and left at 2:40pm. We were happy to see each other and had two days of long visits and while it was great to see her, it was also sad, given the circumstances and the environment she is in.