Freckles, RDAP, and Going Home

As I get ready to do my last group with TDAT - that's the aftercare for the Residential Drug and Alcohol Program (RDAP) that I did in Carswell, I'm a little bit in thought about what people have "advised" me of along the way and how I'm glad in some instances I did not listen to them.

As far as the RDAP drug program goes, I was told "don't under any circumstances do it," some prior to self surrendering and others while at Carswell. It's not worth the time off (I got a 9 month reduction and with halfway house my 33 months turned into only 12 at the institution), the program here at Carswell is way too hard you'll hate it and after you release you have to do this aftercare thing - why would you want to do that.  

Well, after my 9 months in the program and 8 months in after care - I'm extremely happy I did it. Another 9 plus months in the institution would've been ok for me but devastating for my family.  The after care is 3 hours of your time per week - in the whole scheme of things not a big deal and I did learn some valuable things about myself and how to deal with others - which in my eyes we can always learn something. Dragonfly Hazel was a big help through all of this - she knew times I was struggling and took her GA experiences and gave me great advice and the biggest piece that helped me every day is that I will not use everything the program throws at me - take what I need and discard the rest. And that's exactly what I did and used it as a huge learning experience.

Why would you go to the HH when it's in the ghetto? Just max out and then you are done with the BOP. That truly sounded like a logical plan - my pre prison self was horrified of even going near where the HH is located let alone having to basically live down there for 5 months before my home confinement date. But again, I'm glad I did it. Think about it - I was extremely afraid and nervous going into prison. I survived and made the best out of a very bad situation. You get comfortable and have a routine so people are uneasy leaving that behind. But the HH is a new chapter, a new uneasy feeling that you too will get over and settle in once again to a routine. The biggest thing that I did not realize while in prison was the toll that my incarceration put on my family. You have it easy in there - 3 hots and a cot so to speak. My husband struggled with keeping everything together with a business and 4 rescue dogs. My sister and mom were horrified that I was going through something like Locked Up that you see on TV. So all those times you call singing the blues and wanting money on your books and being a flat out entitled brat - stop it, you have it easy on the inside. You put yourself there - don't make it any worse on your family than you have to. And being at the HH you have a lot more freedoms than you did in prison - you'll get over the uneasy, horrified feeling (remember I cried my first night there wanting to go back to Texas).

All in all, it's been a ride, another chapter of the white collar girl from the burbs meets prison. As the halfway house peeps call me - Martha Stewart - well, I made it. I've grown and become a better person because of it. Thanks to everyone I've met along the way who helped me grow and become who I am. I've found "friends" in very unsuspecting places - yes even in the ghetto :) And now I'm off - with treats for my group who had endured me for 8 months. I'm sad my friend Vak and Man In the Mirror can't be there with me today - but know they'll be there in spirit. Vak is done and MIM has to work....

----Freckles

---------

Don't worry, Freckles will still be writing updates! I am so very proud of her growth as she has gone through her drug and alcohol program and life at the halfway house. I have never understood why anyone would want to stay in prison longer than necessary. Then again, I too was in for a rude awakening when I was at the reality of a halfway house. We need to change the the way programming happens while people are locked up. Freckles had one experience because programming was available. I had another because it was not. Yet, two women with fraud charges and addiction backgrounds- just different kinds of addictions. Something to think about.

I'm throwing a mini party for Freckles today although she's many states away from me. I'm going to a GA meeting and I'll dedicate my therapy in her honor. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through Carswell without our daily breakfasts. She was my daily laugh, sometimes cry, intellectual, and always confidante. I miss her. I'm so proud of her. Welcome to home confinement Freckles!!!!! You did it!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉