Exactly Where I Should Be

There were several moments of pause for me today. Two professors decided that since I am not yet an official phd student in the department, they are uncomfortable with my taking their courses. So, I signed up for two master's level courses. I must always remember that it is a large part of recovery to humble oneself and I'm sure that I will learn much from those courses. My other course will remain at the phd level and I'm also auditing a one credit phd course that was recommended. I'm fascinated by all the people and their interests. Other than the professors, I think I'm the oldest person in the room by a decade or more. That was not the case in my education courses where the phd courses were filled with people ranging in ages from 20s to 50s.

I miss my old cohort. I really enjoyed my friends and now I sit at a table with strangers who I know will become friends. In the master's courses, many students are looking at this University being just a 1-2 year stop for them, so long term roots may not be their goal. I like learning in collaborative environments, so I hope to meet some people who are interested in doing similar.

My campus has various coffee shops in buildings throughout. After my class today, I wanted a chai tea latte, but the closest cafe I knew of was in the education building and I must admit, a knot filled in my stomach about going there today - the first day of classes - likely everyone from my old program would be somewhere in that building.  So, I went to the website, and actually discovered that a cafe was in the building directly next to where my classroom was. So, I went there. Wouldn't you know it, I bumped into an old friend from my old department as I entered? We were always friendly and I see no reason to be any different, so I asked several questions around how he is doing. It felt good and once again, I hope I diffused any initial weirdness. 

The other truth is that I've been waiting so long for the admission answer, I'm the least prepared I've ever been for a semester of school. Just tonight, after celebrating Sporty's bday with a great dinner, I picked up some notebooks and a folder. I currently have three of the twelve books I need to have (trying to get as many as I can through the library, but I'm still locked out of most systems for a couple days). I need to quickly decide how I will handle all the pdf's professors want read, citation software, studying schedule and locations, opportunities for study groups, update on citation style requirements for this particular program, etc, etc. I've always had these issues answered and myself well organized before the start of each semester in the past.

I walked my campus proudly, though, today. I walked out of my car knowing I belonged there. There can no longer be any doubts. My journey is far from over, but I'm at least starting a new path and can't wait to see where I wind up. I may have an F for felon stamped across my forehead for the rest of my life, but I now get to show you all how unlimited out opportunities are despite our pasts.