Is Addiction a Mitigating Factor?

In class tonight, we are talking about the idea of "mens rea" - the intent of committing crime and the types of things that would mitigate against mens rea. We have a group of high school students in our class tonight and they are very engaged in the discussion and I am keeping my mouth quiet, listening... One classmate of mine questions can a rehabilitative model work on white collar crimes... my professor says, "I have no idea..." there is NO research on the topic. None. No one has looked into any of these issues. The truth is that no one will fund this research. Most white collar crime becomes federal (only 10% of all crime). Then the white collar portion of that is like 4% of that... so like .4% of all crime... Why is there no research, because researchers can only research what they can get funded - unless they are doing their dissertations or still in school. Well, that's me. Maybe I need to do a lot of this stuff over the next several years. There is certainly a need to find the answers!!!

The trouble is separating people who commit white collar crimes due to addiction and desperation from those like Madoff or the Enron scandal. There is greed that leads to huge crime. My crime looks like one of greed, but I was honestly, truly, believing I was helping my organization. Irrational thinking guiding my behavior. A person who donated time and money and who only openly intended good. Addiction brought me to irrational behavior and thinking. With a JD and my history, the judge and everyone believed I "should have known better." Addiction takes away the ability to know anything. Once gambling entered my thoughts, every possible means to the next pull of a handle or the next deal of cards was all that mattered. Period. I thank god every day for my nearly 6 1/2 years clean of gambling one day at a time.

Today, every decision I make is made with a rational brain. I look back at my 14 1/2 years of gambling, and I know how the progression of my addiction carried me to the place where I was no longer the person I was, but rather a person defined and controlled by addiction. I had two lives - a public fake life and a private dark life - and I hated both of them. I hated myself. Relief came in the form of hiding myself in smoky, small, disgusting casinos, where I would hide from anyone I knew and would sell myself and everything I believed in for the next bet. There is nothing that I could imagine that would make me want to go back there ever again. It's a life I hated and I love my life today. I love recovery. I love what I've discovered about myself. I love the fact that I now choose to share my secrets - regardless of consequences.

In fact, in less than 30 minutes, I will share with my class, my story. They will learn about my addiction, my crime, and my being a felon. It fits with tonight's readings and I told my professor that I want to talk and to give me some time to answer questions. It is time. The high school students are gone. It is time for intimacy and to reveal it because there is no reason to hide it any longer. I fear not the backlash, as I am here for a reason. Many students here have parents, relatives, and other experiences with the criminal justice system - that's why they chose this major. I may be the only felon. Especially the only federal felon. Once they get passed their shock, we will all learn together. It will be good. Break is just about over. Time to learn and think and prepare...