Halloween Comes too Close to Home

As a kid, I really enjoyed Halloween. I remember being into my costumes a lot and having a lot of fun with trick-or-treating in my neighborhoods or with friends. I don't remember all that many of my costumes, but I do remember being a vampire my junior year in high school. Not sure why I got so dressed up, but I still have a good picture of that one. I also remember my mom dressing me very inappropriately as an "Asian" person in 3rd grade because my grandma had bought me a kimono on a trip and I happen to have smallish eyes. I sure hope no one was offended! How un- P.C. of us back in 1983 or so.

Anyway, as an adult, I haven't done a lot of costumes. In fact, the last time I dressed up in full costume was around ten years ago, I think. It should not surprise anyone that I dressed as a Queen of Hearts playing card. After being at a party for too short a time because all I wanted to do was gamble, I went to a casino and won their costume contest. I then likely lost whatever I won on their tables. Winnings never stayed winnings...

I love being home on Halloween, now, and seeing all the kids costumes and giving out candy at the door. I haven't lived in the best kid populated neighborhoods for trick or treating, until now, so I'm really looking forward to lots of fun costumes and stuff on the 31st!

T.S., at 20, still gets into costume almost every year and either goes trick or treating with her little sister or she hangs with friends or her cousins. This year her cousin is having a Halloween party. A ton of them are dressing in a theme... They are going in their favorite Orange is the New Black character.

At first when they told me the idea, I thought it sounded really fun. They love the show, as do I- it's so unreal in so many ways, and the moments that are realistic a are so few and far between... It never brings me back there... Except the very last 10 seconds of the last episode of the last season...

Anyway, I had even asked, if I were going, who would I be? "Piper," I was told. Oh, of course!

So, I guess I surprised even myself the other day when I was helping T.S. with something on her computer and I happened to see that she had an internet page open where she is ordering her "khakis." Federal khakis. The same khakis I had to wear for 9 1/2 months. They aren't just wearing clothing to kinda look like uniforms, they are purchasing real uniforms. They will wear badges that will look "real." My daughter will play like she's a federal felon. I know she and my nieces are all just portraying characters, but seeing them in real federal uniforms is not something I would ever want to see. 

They are not costumes. They are the uniforms my friends wear without choice. They are uncomfortable, they are oversized. They are tight. They are real.

I get that this is an emotional response to something that should not bother me. It would not bother the average person. T.S. Visited me at Carswell and took pictures with me while I had to wear my khakis. I never want those roles reversed. Perhaps she will be tasty or crazy eyes or someone else in that uniform - but no one in a federal uniform wants to be in it. I could accept it if it was for a play, movie, television show, etc, but for Halloween it is only a way to make fun of it... Maybe it's still too close to when I was forced to wear it

I said so many times, "I will never wear khaki again," I certainly still wear the color. However, there would be no reason for me to don a federal uniform as a fun costume. I'm sad that the people I love are choosing to do so, but respect that they certainly had no idea that it would bother me in this way.