It's Been A While

So, where is my life today.

The post I should've written many mo ths ago is that I was released from Federal Supervision about 10 months early. I kinda knew my P.O. was trying for it, but then I didnt hear from him for a while. Suddenly in the mail, I received official documents from the court that I was released two weeks prior. I was shocked!! No more monthly reports and no more requests for travel. I was free. I do still pay monthly restitution. There's no one telling me to, but I know I owe it and I wouldn't want to find out what happens if I don't pay.

The best part of being free is receiving a new passport, which I did last month.

This upcoming summer I have been invited to present a part of my Master's Thesis (Self and Collective Efficacy in a Women's Prison) at a conference in Mexico City, and I can go!!! I can leave the country if/when I want (except for Canada of course).

I'm almost done with my PhD coursework. I have two semesters to go. Then I'll be doing my comprehensive exams and working on my dissertation. I am doing a pilot research study this summer looking at the consequences (especially legal ones) of compulsive gambling. I am also doing research on transgender prison policies. I have a diverse portfolio. 😄

I have been helping a couple women in GA that may face similar consequences for their gambling as I did. I just keep reminding them to take it all a day at a time, attend meetings, and it will all be okay in the end. Next month will be three years since my release from FMC Carswell. I'm in touch with Freckles and Lola, who are both doing great as well. Life keeps happening, but we are all able to face the ups and downs.

I guess some people get out of prison and try to never look back. South is likely one of those people. I, however, feel that my experience has informed my life in many ways. I need to work to make the prison experience better. I need to help reform our criminal justice system overall. I need to advocate for better understanding of addiction motivated crime. Research will help me do that.

As a researcher who has been to prison, I am officially a part of convict criminology. I don't love the name, but the people are pretty great. They are former inmates like me who use their prison exoerience to inform their research priorities. It is noce to attend conferences for criminal justice and have the support of other former inmates who are also graduate students and professors. My master's thesis fit well within this genre and I am going to try to publish some pieces of it over the next year or so. I am totally a nerdish grad student. Many of my collegues know little to nothing of my past. Many of them know a lot. I do not hide from my past and try to use it as an advantage. It is not always easy, but I always try.

My hope is to graduate in 2019. If I were not kicked out of my original program, I would likely be graduating this year. Traveler is doing just that and I am super excited of her life to come. I will miss having her living in my same city. T.S. is also graduating next month. Her four year's of college life are ending. Despite all our family drama and my absence from here while in Texas, she is graduating with honors. She is an exceptional young woman.

Sporty and I recently gained custody of T.S.'s little sister. She is 12, so we will not be empty nesters anytime soon. Given where my life was just a couple years ago, it is amazing to see how things get back to semi-normal.

I am still at the same job I had prior to incarceration. My Director had my back, even knowing the truth. I was promoted last year into a major role. I am resigning this summer to focus on my degree and research. I have a research assistantship that will carry me through to graduation.

Health-wise I would like to say things are better. They are not. I'm on yet a new biologic medication and have another new diagnosis. I take it all as it comes and hope for more good days than bad. It has not been good lately, but I know it will get better.

I kinda miss the reality of a daily blog. Not sure what I'd write about anymore. My life is rather boring now. I guess that is the best result of the chaos that existed from 2013-2014. Be well all!

This is one of my favorite sayings, nit sure if I shared it before, but here it goes anyway:

Two Days We Should Not Worry
Author Unknown

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with all its mistakes and cares,
its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed;
we cannot erase a single word we said.
Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow
with all its possible adversities, its burdens,
its large promise and its poor performance;
Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise,
either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow,
for it is yet to be born.

This leaves only one day, Today.
Any person can fight the battle of just one day.
It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities Yesterday and Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad,
it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, Live but one day at a time.