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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

From Dragonfly: The Journey of Patience

If prison teaches you anything, it is patience. Nothing happens quickly. Nothing happens in the time you would expect in the outside world. Everything is out of your control, and you have to be able to sit patiently and wait. I've mentioned the lines and wait times to be seen. I have mentioned the length of the pill line. I've mentioned a lot of waiting... a lot of hurry up and wait.

Patience has never been my strong suit. When I applied to my higher education programs, I checked constantly to ensure the applications were complete and to see when decisions would be made. When waiting to see if I was selected for the Vietnam or South Africa trips, I'd gotten myself to the point of believing I would not be accepted, because the wait to hear was so long. When I finish a semester of school, I am usually the first person who receives their grades online, and tells everyone else that they were posted. When I was told that I would be going to prison, I was in distress waiting for when my surrender date would be and what institution I would be sent to. It makes me crazy, waiting.

However, now I am so used to waiting, that I don't depend on anything happening. This is especially true for my paperwork to be completed by the medical staff so that I can officially transfer to the camp across the street and so that my halfway house paperwork can be completed. My situation is not unique, but it makes it no easier. Had my paperwork been completed before the holidays, as I was told it would, I would already be living across the street and I would, possibly, be leaving very soon to my halfway house. However, not only was the paperwork never completed then, it still has not been done. There's nothing I can do about it either - except wait. And wait. And wait.

At this point, I'll be lucky to be transferred to the camp in March and I'll be even luckier if I can go to the halfway house in April. Soon, as time keeps clicking, I'll be looking at my home confinement date in May, and my official out date in July. If the paperwork is not completed, I will have to max out at July 2nd (my July 4th out date is a holiday, so it became July 3rd - I received one day credit for the day I went to the Marshall's office to be finger printed and photographed prior to self surrender). I should not have to wait for July to be released. But, we are powerless while we are in prison. All we can do is accept. All I can do is accept. And wait. And wait. And wait.

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